Nearly 18 year old won’t look after Ddog whilst DH and I go away

Send dogs to kennels (they probably be safer there) and don't pay for their holiday.
Teach them that being unpleasant and entitled has consequences.

I agree. The dog is obviously much 'dearer' than the son. Seems a huge over-reaction to me. Frankly, if my parents had done that to me when I was that age and I had to move out of my home for the sake of the dog, I wouldn't have come back. Come to think of it, I did dog sit for a while at that age but our relationship was quite different. I loved the dog to bits, was going to be at home for the summer, volunteered, and enjoyed having the house + dog to myself for a bit. But I don't think it's worth so much fuss and bother!

Not providing money for holiday is not " punishment " it is realistically reevaluating your finances.....fun times vs. Dog contentment.......that is a natural consequence of life. Pay plenty for a good sitter for your dog. You sound like a lovely parent but give a bit less and he will give you a bit more. And avoid giving him expectations of getting lots of stuff on request set the bar much lower and he may well jump higher

Have you found a kennel for your teen yet OP?

Have an older DD. Who was a difficult teen but is better since she's had to stand on her own two feet.

Have you got a 17 year old son out of interest?

The OP had offered to tale the DS on holiday with them so the repeated references to paying for a dog sitter are null and void.

I also think that cancelling the stuff that you have already agreed to is petty,
Lead by example. pay for the stuff that you have agreed to, but no more holidays from the bank of mum and dad.

I wouldn’t trust him to care for the dog now anyway, and I wouldn’t be funding his holiday. Could you look for local recommendations for a pet sitter?

Because when he was invited to go on the trip he declined the offer, he also agreed to look after the dog but then reneged on the agreement.

The dog can't go into kennels and sitters won't sit if there is someone else in the house.

No I don't think you should expect an adult child to look after a family dog instead of finding kennels or a dog sitter. I'm assuming she's your dog/Dh's not son's beloved pet.

Why should he have to get up early to walk her before work, miss social events, clean up after her while you and DH enjoy a luxurious holiday?

This!! Some mumsnetters are so privileged that they can’t see being an issue!

The son’s refusal to look after the dog has caused the expense of a dog sitter which won’t be cheap! The cost of this should be deducted from his holiday as it is his actions which have necessitated the additional costs.

@Bea372

so…what? She should just continue spoiling him? He’s 17 it’s not too late - can you imagine in his twenties what he’d be like if OP continues?! It wouldn’t be doing him any favours either - no one like a selfish and entitled person

Disagree.

It's a 'chickens coming home to roost' moment.

Act like a selfish tw*t, accept the consequences.

Exactly. There are much more reasoned consequences that would have been more effective.

It's far. far too late to suddenly start 'un-spoiling' your spoilt kid. You raised him this way and to suddenly just start being spiteful and cancelling his things is not going to make him a better behaved, nicer teen - it's just going to make him bitter and resentful.

Him having to find somewhere to move out to so that the house sitter could move in with the dog was his consequence. Cancelling his stuff wasn't a consequence, that was a childish punishment to make you feel better.

So many people on her who's kids are not the people I will want to be around as adults.
I think you are right @NormalSunday . He made a promise that he's breaking, knowing that it is inconveniencing you - so you have given him a consequence. Hopefully he'll learn from it.

I dont for one minute beleive that this cancelling of his trip is the first instance of you being spiteful and mean

It’s not spiteful and mean, it’s consequences. I think the term is ‘fuck around and find out’. Well, he’s fucked around with this, and now he’s finding out what the consequences are.

It’s what I say to my kids and invariably they get, very quickly, to the realisation that’s it’s just not worth their while fucking around because they won’t like what they find out.

But they need to learn….

Trouble is he’s not going to learn from this what OP thinks.

He’s learnt that his mum is stroppy and spiteful, & to be wary of her. He’s even taken refuge at his gf’s. How can this issue be such a drama at home that he’s gone somewhere else?

OP is entirely justified in being annoyed, but her handling of it is not.

I’d take the view that families pull together and are expected to help out and make sacrifices for each other.

Possibly, it would have helped to talk about this months in advance so he knew he couldn’t book nights away for that point, but as a member of the family, it’s his dog too.

Lots of teen are selfish like this. Sometimes they’ve been enabled by parents who haven’t put any responsibility at all on them ever. But they need to learn….they do a share of household chores, looking after pets, standiN g in when a parent isn’t around to take in deliveries or whatever. It’s part of being in a family. You help each other out and sometimes that means some sacrifices.

Dreadful dreadful parenting. And now its coming home to roost? it sure is.
Its all on you.
I dont for one minute beleive that this cancelling of his trip is the first instance of you being spiteful and mean. It doesnt work like that. It never does.
This is about way more than the poor wee doggy.
Once again im staggered at the kind of unkind parenting thats lauded on here.

I agree it’s way OTT. Generally on MN kids don’t have sufficient consequences but this is way too far the other way - it’s just vindictive.

You’re punishing him for the fact you feel like you’ve spoiled him, but that’s on you. It would have been much more sane and sensible to sit down and talk to him about responsiblity and commitment going forward.

I’d say either he stays at home for the duration and looks after the dog or he finds somewhere to stay while dog sitter comes.
we do give dd some money for her trouble but tbf she pays for her own trips/social life

OP has explained at least once why kennels aren't a solution.

Well done OP. Hopefully he’ll realise that agreeing to things actually matters.