Didn’t get promoted and am devastated - please help

The adult thing to do would be to go for the feedback on offer.
You may not know what marking criteria was used and the feedback may put you in good stead for any future promotion opportunities.

Your first response is almost always the wrong one. Never respond in the heat of the moment, never fire off an email that you will regret. Take a day to steal yourself.
Then email and ask for the meeting to be scheduled for next week, so you have some time to process your response.

Take the feedback graciously. Make notes, discuss it with a trusted friend/colleague and take from it what you choose. Then start looking for new opportunities.
At this point, you can use what you have learned and take it forward. You can also remain in your current position until you find the perfect long term opportunity.

Good luck!! 🤞

The adult thing to do would be to go for the feedback on offer.
You may not know what marking criteria was used and the feedback may put you in good stead for any future promotion opportunities.

I honestly agree with this.

Take the feedback, toughen up a little, and then decide what to do.

OP I get that you're upset but it's actually a rare opportunity to receive such individualised feedback. If your priority really is eventually being promoted then the productive and professional thing to do is to take the feedback. You can then decide what to do with that feedback be that apply again when something comes up or apply externally. Don't expect such investment or detailed feedback from any external application though.

My DH applied within his workplace for a management position and didn't get it. However on having a similar feedback meeting it turned out they'd more or less created another role for him. The role he was declined for was much more of a people-managing role whereas the role he now has is more of a technical operations role. Both DH and I would say without hesitation that he is so much better suited to this. He thrives in his new role. His company turning him down for the original job wasn't about not valuing him. It turns out that they valued him and understood him so much that they knew better than he did what he was perfect for.

The only reasonable thing to do OP if you are a professional and you have any faith in this company is to have this meeting and hear them out. You really don't know yet what the end result might be.

Look we lose some and we win some, dealing with rejection is something we need to learn at school. Yes, it's disheartening but that's life. Pick yourself up and something else will come along if that's what you are now on the look out for!

This

Take the feedback - it may be insightful.

and to offer a manager’s perspective, the two other candidates may have brought much needed skills in with them, things the company didn’t realise they wanted or needed until the interview process showed them differently. You are already in the company to they have access to all your skills; the others may be bribing additional experience that you simply don’t have yet.

Take the feedback and think about it carefully, weighing up whether there are things to learn from it or whether your manager is covering his back and justifying his decision. Everyone, no matter how good they are at their job, has something they can improve.

There may be things going on in the company that you know nothing about. The company may be developing and he may have another, better, role in mind for you. He may also be aware of upcoming structural changes in which the roles he's just recruited for are likely to be cut. This has happened to me in the past. I was passed over for a promotion because my manager know that there was shortly going to be a better vacancy for which I'd be a shoe-in.

If you think the feedback is rubbish and you think your boss behaved unfairly and is covering his back, consider a formal complaint and start looking for work elsewhere.

i feel for you OP.

i had this happen 2 times at the same company - recommended to apply for the same role on 2 occasions.

first time they decided they wanted someone with more experience - fair enough, i could understand that.

second time (because the first guy only lasted about 4 months), i still didn't get it, because after the interviews, they then decided they wanted it to be a more junior role.

honestly, it was the final kick to show me i needed to be much more selfish about how i manage my career.

i've accepted that quiet competence is almost never rewarded these days.

additionally, internal moves are almost always paid at lower rates than external hires (despite internal moves costing much much less in recruitment costs).

take a deep breath, set yourself, take the feedback, be honest with your manager about how you feel overlooked and undervalued, and tell him that you think you're now better off looking somewhere else.

then get out there and find something great!

Leave. This happened to me once. I was encouraged to apply for a new role, spent several days including an entire weekend of my own time putting together a 12 month plan that they’d asked me to do as part of the process only for them to let me know within a day of submitting it that they’d found an external candidate who was a better fit. Realised their plan was always to hire the external person and they’d just asked me to apply to cover their own arses as the new employee required visa sponsorship and I was effectively used so they could document that they’d made some attempt at looking for a candidate that didn’t require it first. It left me with ill feeling but ended up being the kick up the arse I needed as I left and found a better job within weeks.

This is total rubbish 😂

It's normal to offer feedback, in fact it would be remiss of him NOT to offer it.

Nobody died OP. Take the feedback and use it

Take a few days off to rest, process what happened, look after yourself and think what you want to do next.

Maybe it wasn’t convenient for you, or something better is waiting for you.

Compose yourself and take the feedback. I would also be trying to find some strategies to improve resilience; this is a really extreme reaction to a very normal situation.

In this instance I would go for feedback as it might give you answers to why you did not get the role. It could also be bullshit but either way it may help you see your future path there more clearly. It does strike me as strange that you were kept hanging for a few weeks after interview. Was this because of a delay in interviewing others or did they offer the jobs and get the onboarding process in motion before letting you know you were unsuccessful. In other words were you a reserve in case someone pulled out. Although difficult you need to take this graciously. It does no harm to look around and see what else is out there maybe there is something better waiting for you and definitely stop doing any unpaid overtime.

Go for the feedback, it might help you to get a better job elsewhere.

Absolutely take the feedback that is offered, thank your manager for it, and take it on board for the future. A few years ago a good friend at work was encouraged to apply for a proposal that everyone thought she was guaranteed, but she didn't get it because they said her response to one question was so much weaker than the other candidates that they couldn't offer her the position without it looking like favoritism. However, they found a way for her to get the equivalent promotion within a year, and i think part of that is because she didn't sulk or complain, she took the knock-back on the chin and carried on working hard.

Good luck.

I had this and I still feel they wanted the equally strong external candidate AND me so they kept me in my current role and employed someone over me for the more senior role. I think they were betting on me not resigning (one of the panel told me it was part of the discussion). Its rubbish but you either have to accept it or move. For me (I'm a teacher) I decided to follow other paths in the school to build up my career and am happy I did. I think that if that isn't an option for you you should look at moving on, it's really hard seeing the new person in the role you really, really wanted and deserved.

It's normal to offer feedback, not a sop and none of us know if his decision was a poor one. OP will know more if/when she gets the feedback, but while she's still in a state about it, I'd be very wary of responding in the way you suggest. However professionally she puts it, it's not professional or productive to react that way and 'leaving them to stew' is not a mature strategy either. If she did this, I'd think it'd confirm that they made the right decision.

@downcast

Some years ago I had 4 posts to appoint to, same job and level. We had 2 of our temps apply, one did an OK application, enough to scrape into the interview being generous. The other did an outstanding application. They both did appalling interviews. In fairness to other candidates we couldnt give them the jobs. It was very disappointing for all of us.
The one who did the outstanding application really listened to the feedback, applied for a similar role in the team within 6 months, walked it and was promoted less than a year later.
The other one moaned and whinged about not getting 'his' job. He eventually did get a job and was promoted but took several years because he wasn't open to the feedback.
Meet your manager, listen and move on to the next opportunity

I would presume it was down to their performance at interview being better OP. It is very unfair, to outsiders, to give the job based on any thing else. He will give you feedback on interview technique. Ask to see the scoring system.

You need to get the feedback. Your manager thought you were sufficiently credible to apply for the role but that does not mean he thought you were the best candidate. You need to find out what your development areas are and how to smash the next interview. It’s disappointing but you should not take it so personally and get too emotional over it, it will cloud your thinking. Try to reflect on things dispassionately - you’re great in your current role but what would you have needed to be great in the new role? Often it’s not the same skillset/experience. Bearing in mind that LinkedIn jobs have over 100 applicants within a day of a new job posting, you can’t afford to be complacent and assume progression within the same organisation.

I disagree. I would listen to what your Manager has to say. Maybe you didn't come over well at the interview or the other candidates had more qualifications and experience. But it is disappointing. But sometimes people make fundamental mistakes in interviews, say the wrong thing and they are totally unaware. Don't make any rash decisions.

Take the feedback. I did, I now have the job. I did nothing wrong, I just didn’t word things exactly how the score card needed and someone scored how than me. That was literally it. They’ve now gone, I’m doing the role.
Without the feedback and going through the wording, same thing could have happened again.