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Original poster

Didn’t get promoted and am devastated - please help

312 replies

downcast · 09/07/2025 07:55

I’ve been in my current role for nearly three years. An opportunity to apply for promotion came up recently as two staff left, and my manager strongly encouraged me to go for it, which I did. Given his encouragement and the fact there were two roles I felt I had a good chance. However, after not hearing back for several weeks after my interview I was told that both jobs went to external candidates and am completely devastated. I adore my job, felt ready for more seniority and opportunities like this come round quite rarely as it’s a smallish company.

My manager is now saying he wants to give me feedback as he wants to help me progress my career, but that doesn’t ring true when he’s just given not one but two jobs to other people. I know my experience more than matched the role - it was a small step up in seniority but not by much. I also believe I’m good at my job - I am experienced and consistently get excellent feedback from clients and managers. I put in huge amounts of effort and some unpaid overtime as I have a genuine passion for what I do.

I’m at a loss over how to respond, as I can’t face the sort of meeting he’s proposing when I feel so deflated and frankly heartbroken. Listening to him explaining why I didn’t get the role will just feel like another kick in the teeth and I’m not sure I’m strong enough mentally to deal with that right now. I’ve been on the verge of tears in the office for the last week and am struggling to feel engaged in my work. I also feel quite depressed. What would you do?

OP posts:
Yogabearmous · 09/07/2025 08:08

Leave - this happened to me and I was then asked to train up the person who would be my manager. Don’t allow this, Leave.

WhereIsMyLight · 09/07/2025 08:08

You need to listen to the feedback. It’ll be hard but it’s going to tell you what you’re not steps are. Your manager encouraged you to apply, so if the feedback is something that is quite vague like the other candidates were better, it’s going to tell you that they just don’t value you and you need to look elsewhere. If the feedback is that your work is great but your interview wasn’t, you need some interview coaching. If there are specific processes that you weren’t able to prove, you need to use the feedback meeting to ask for a mentor.

If your manager gives some constructive advice and offers solutions to those (such as a mentor) then casually look and if something better comes up you can apply for it, if not you can stay. If they have encouraged an application and offer no help as to how you get to the next stage, start seriously looking.

YourSnugHazelTraybake · 09/07/2025 08:07

I'm sorry but that's an extreme reaction to not getting a promotion, a week of being close to tears at work ? Struggling to engage with the job you love? Disappointed is understandable, devastation is ridiculous and your behaviour is bordering on unprofessional. Your manager felt you were ready to apply, that doesn't mean you had the job, just that you had a good chance. As it turned out two external candidates had more to offer. Feedback will likely show what extra they offered that you didn't and give you targets to aim for.

Enko · 09/07/2025 08:06

I will go in different to other replies. Is the jump to the next level a large one ? For example will you manage people gaving never done so? Ir other thuings similar. If the others have this experience then it is a risk to hire you.

Book a feedback meeting and listen to the feedback. Ask where you could have improved your answers and take this on board.

I did this and when a new opportunity came up 2 months later I did get the promotion in a different area of our business. I k ow I am a much better fit here then where I previously were as a manager. I would also have said I loved my job.

Feedback can be a opening to develop yourself.

ThreenagerCentral · 09/07/2025 08:06

Without feedback you can’t know what went wrong. Feedback will also help you in other job interviews so do sit down with them and find ou

turkeyboots · 09/07/2025 08:05

That sucks. Maybe the new people just interviewed better than you on the day? Its hard interviewing people internally as they know you and all your experience, it's easier to big yourself up when they know almost nothing about you. As PP say take some time off, get the feedback as it will be useful if you want to stay or go, maybe it could be in an email if you can't face a meeting?

Pepperpie14 · 09/07/2025 08:04

You need to take the feedback, if only so you can use it and smash an interview somewhere else!

ACynicalDad · 09/07/2025 08:01

I’d look externally. At best they saw two candidates and thought they could sort it that day and not need another round of recruitment to replace you. But worst, they don’t rate you.

Peoplearebloodyidiots · 09/07/2025 08:01

That really really sucks op and must feel very disappointing, but perhaps the other two candidates were stronger than you, even though you were also a very strong candidate. I'd advise you to listen hard to the feedback, take as much on-board as possible and then look for a better role elsewhere.

Original poster
downcast · 09/07/2025 08:01

Thanks for replying. I really like the company and saw myself staying here for many years. But equally I feel so upset and almost like I have to do something. I don’t really want to meet with my manager because as I say, I don’t feel up to it mentally. But I worry I’ll look petty and unprofessional if I say no.

OP posts:
LemonLass · 09/07/2025 08:01

CrustyBread1977 · 09/07/2025 07:57

I’d be looking for a new job. Somewhere that recognises and appreciates your talents. Are there promoted posts elsewhere you could go for? It sounds like your current employer takes you for granted.

Hi @downcast
Further to suggestion to look for another job, you have said you have been floored by this, blind sided even? I would stay put and process.

Let your boss know you have really invested in the role and promotion and need time to comr to terms with the outcome. You would appreciate feedback, perhapd you call the shots on timing (when uou feel ready). You can then decide your response (not react when upset).

It is heartbreaking when you are so invested. Do you have any annual leavr you can take, to consider your next step?
X

CrustyBread1977 · 09/07/2025 07:57

I’d be looking for a new job. Somewhere that recognises and appreciates your talents. Are there promoted posts elsewhere you could go for? It sounds like your current employer takes you for granted.