Didn’t get promoted and am devastated - please help

OP get the feedback, try to view it as what you can do differently for another interview (if you go external) and what you can do internally.

Ask for a plan to be put in place. If your boss says you need more experience or examples in Z field. Straight away ask to put this in a plan and how they can support you to get this. Put pressure on your boss to support you and grow.

You have two options here to be blunt; wallow and let your performance drop or stay stagnant. Come out of this and use it as motivation to come back fighting.

Please go and listen to the feedback. Or ask them to provide it in writing and read it at your own leisure if easier.

One guy in my team applied for a promotion, he was more than ready, very capable. He tanked the interview. He was lucky that the other candidates were poor, otherwise I would have been forced to give the role to someone else. Apparently he was embarrassed to showcase his experience because I was already aware of his work.

My husband went for a job a few years back where lots of his now colleagues who were internal and had well over a decade of experience went for the same job. They were more than a bit miffed he got the job over them but my husband had twenty years of extremely high level external experience, the job was a few steps back from his existing job, a job he had been head hunted for and had been offered other high level jobs at the same time.

But my husband really wanted a change due to life circumstances of a seriously ill mother, the job on offer gave tonnes of extra days off and flexibility which was a significant personal motivation going for it.

His competency was never remotely questioned when he actually joined up and he regularly gets asked to participate in meetings by much higher ups that he has no business being involved in at his level so they can pick his brain.

Point being this might have absolutely nothing to do with you. The other candidates might have had something on offer that was beneficial to the organisation over and above what you can offer.

I’d get the feedback first, it could be constructive about your interview style, it could be about things you could work on going forward.

if after the feedback you still feel aggrieved then look for another role.

Get the feedback.
It's possible you performed really badly at interview without realising.
Find out what the issue is and then you can address it.

A more senior colleague years ago told me to take the emotion out of it and at the time I thought what stupid advice.

its a really the best advice ever . It’s work op it’s not personal , you aren’t a better or a worse person because you didn’t get the job, you are tying your self worth into work , that way madness lies.

Go, and as well as getting feedback make sure it’s a feed forward meeting. Ask exactly what you need to do to put yourself in the strongest position, what opportunities are likely to come up in the next few years given the strategic direction of the organisation (read the strategy), ask for leadership or other relevant training. Use it to your advantage.

The reason you didn’t get it may be nothing to do with your own skills. The externals may have been appointed because they’re very well connected in the industry, the boss’ brother in law, play golf with the MD, have experience in a part of the business it’s difficult to recruit to…etc.

I once interviewed people for a role and we had a couple of external candidates plus one internal. I knew she would be great at what for her would be a promotion role. However, she went to pieces in the interview and fluffed the task. On points, she was by far the weakest candidate so we couldn’t give her the job.
She was gutted to say the least. In my feedback, I was very honest with her about why she was unsuccessful. I know she hated sitting there listening to me but it stood her in good stead the next time she applied for an internal promotion. She sailed through the interview and absolutely shone out.
sometimes internal candidates can be a bit blasé in interview because they think ‘well this person knows me, knows I can do the job’.
I suggest you set up the meeting with this person, take notes, ask for their advice moving forwards then try to let it go.

I’m sorry you have had this knock-back. I would echo others to take the feedback and be graceful about the situation, not least because it is perfectly possible that one of the successful candidates does not ultimately take the job, or alternatively one starts but doesn’t enjoy it and moves on quickly, and then they might come and look to you to step up. Particularly if at that time you can say “I listened to your feedback and have sought to address it by doing X since the interview”.

Good luck.

This is a really extreme reaction. Just because you do well in your current role and you have potential doesn’t mean that you were able to demonstrate the skills for a different job in interview.
He’s trying to help you see where the gaps are and what you need to work on by providing feedback. If you refuse this it looks petulant and entitled. He’s not done anything wrong, so I can’t see why there’s such negative comments saying you should leave!
By all means take time to process the rejection but sit down professionally and listen to him. If you’re on the verge of tears over an interview for this long, perhaps it was the right outcome and you need to work on your resilience before you go for promotion again.

I’m sorry you didn’t get the role. There can be a big difference between doing your current job very well and being ready for the next step, and it’s possible that came out in the interviews vs more experienced candidates. In my work there are many people thinking they are ready for the next step but they don’t appreciate what they don’t know about what that job fully entails.

You absolutely should go for the feedback meeting - you’ll never know what to work on otherwise. It’s ok to say to your manager that you’ve taken this hard and will find it upsetting. Maybe resilience was one of the areas they weren’t convinced on?

You can be upset or you can get to work - channel your emotion into building your skills or preparing for a new role somewhere else, but either way get his feedback.

I agree with @YourSnugHazelTraybake. I’d course it’s disappointing that you didn’t get the promotion but you will never know why unless you ask for the feedback. That should make you better able to succeed next time.

On the occasions when I have failed to get promotions, the feedback offered has generally been helpful. Sometimes it has been simply that the competition was better. I can think of two occasions when I failed to get my boss’s job. On both occasions I knew I could have done the job perfectly well. However, once the new people started, I could see why they had been chosen over me!

Op you’ve taken this extremely hard, do you struggle with rejection and setbacks etc in general? Are you still quite young? Interviewing is basically strategic and a lot of people (like myself, because of loads of setbacks) have become absolute professionals at it. You focus a lot on your investment to the company etc but a good recruiter will judge everyone the same on the day and if you’ve gone in over confident, assuming they know everything you do etc, someone external could easily score way higher just because they sold themselves like an unknown person. It’s obviously disappointing but to be on the verge of tears a week later means you’re dealing with this with the wrong type of attitude if you want to progress.

You’re clearly competent and dedicated. Pull yourself together, accept you didn’t make the cut this time and use the disappointment to make sure you do next time. Get the feedback, make a plan and start moving forward. The career ladder is a school of hard knocks, we’ve all been there. You’re taking this way too personally. Brush up on your interview technique and your resilience. You’ll smash it next time, in this company or elsewhere.

I'd go, even if it's hard, to know their reasoning. For me, I was terrible at interviews and didn't realise it. It was something I could improve on after feedback and a really important skill to get a job but nothing to do with the content of the job. It's a horrible feeling though!

Your manager obviously thought you were good enough, but the other candidates turned out to be even better. That might be because of the experience they were able to bring from outside your company, or it might be because they sold themselves better in the application and interview.

I've always been advised that when applying for something internally, you still need to present all the things that make you an excellent candidate in your application/interview - you can't assume that the panel will take into account things you don't mention. They may not be allowed to; if they appoint you over someone else who then accuses them of discrimination, they may be expected to be able to show why your application (rather than you yourself) was better.

You don't have to have the feedback now, when you're still feeling raw, but it may well be worth talking it through later. There may be all sorts of useful tips - bits of experience you could have used to your advantage in the application or interview. Your manager wants to help, and make sure that next time you come out top!

Unfortunately some companies decide that they want to keep you in a current role that you are good at rather than consider your long term development.

In which case it is always better, if you want to progress, to look for a new role somewhere else.

I would still hear the feedback they want to give you as you should be able to workout whether they are fobbing you off or have genuine points to make and the will help you decide whether your future is with the company or not.

I second broadening your prospects and looking elsewhere, and completely understand the disappointment.

However, I think you need to take the emotion out of this a little bit, and ultimately it would be helpful to know your manager’s feedback. Keeping these high emotions at bay about work is never a bad idea. It’s business and it’s transactional.

Was it just them making the decision or was there a panel?

Don’t flounce.

Nobody likes to be told that somebody else was thought to have better skills than them.

The fact that your manager wants to give you constructive feedback is a good
thing and shows that they care about you reaching your potential.

We all need to learn to take things like this gracefully and not behave like a child by appearing bitter or jealous (not saying you personally would).

”If at first you don’t succeed, try try try again” has served me well. I speak from experience- I had a few career setbacks as a result of not making the grade but I kept
at it and took all the feedback I could get.

As a result, I’m now where I want to be.

Good luck for the meeting- appear grateful (even if you don’t feel it) and take the feedback on board.

You really must take the feedback. I know it feels personal but if your manager is offering it, there’s a reason why this did not happen for you and he wants to tell you what it is.

There are a lot of overqualified people chasing jobs at the moment and it could be as simple as the firm wanting specific skills on the payroll it doesn’t currently have.

Of course, look for another job. But how you respond to this setback will define your career if you don’t find one. I’ve had a good career but I’ve had several of these moments and they are awful. But not throwing your toys out of the pram when it seems impossible not to is the only way to safeguard everything you have built so far.

New job. You won’t feel the same again here. Know your worth and best of luck.

I’d take the feedback, even if only to strengthen your understanding of where you need to work on/focus on…and then take that feedback, work on it and leave. I think it’s disappointing when your loyalty isn’t rewarded or is taken for granted. But deffo take the feedback as it’ll help you in the long run in your career.

Well it could be worse... my DH was told to apply to the new lead positions when they restructured the company. Not only did he not get the 2 he applied for, one went to an external candidate who was awful and the other to someone who didn't even apply!!!

Go and speak to your boss and listen to the feedback. If you think it is bullshit then start applying for jobs elsewhere.

How do you know the two external candidates weren't more experienced than you?

I think you’re right to be upset but you’ve only got 3 years experience and have NO idea about the other candidates who got the job, maybe they’ve got more qualifications or experience and if you don’t have your feedback meeting - generously offered - youlll never know. Drop the entitlement and go learn what you can for next time.

My manager is now saying he wants to give me feedback as he wants to help me progress my career, but that doesn’t ring true when he’s just given not one but two jobs to other people.

Whether you want to hear feedback has to be your decision, but whether you have worked there a long time, have worked hard and are really good at your job, you were never entitled to be "given" the job and he didn't "give" the jobs to other peopel - other people performed better than you in their interviews.

He encouraged you to apply, he has shown support, and he says he still wants to support you. If you want to disbelieve that then that is also your choice. But whilst I understand your disappointment - been there, done that - you are acting like a petulant child blaming him for not "giving" you the job.