Didn’t get promoted and am devastated - please help

if you can’t handle the feedback meeting, maybe your not ready for the promotion?

i have interviewed and failed team members who I think are good at their job - but the process has to be fair and if someone better applied they get the job. I work in an area that is strong on ethics and I have my own values to uphold. I hope my team knows this and understands there are no favours in this process.

go for the feedback. I know it’s hard but listen to what your boss says, how you can improve going forward. If after that you don’t think you can stay then look around.

abd if you feel ready for the next step you should already be looking for opportunities. This feedback will help with that process.

I'd also add, it's always wise to manage expectations in any application process as no matter how good a fit you are, you can never guarantee another candidate won't have some USP or bredth of experience that the panel can't turn away. They may have been perfectly happy to recruit you, had the extra amazing person not shown up. So cautious optimism is the most you should ever allow yourself. Managers who lead you to believe a job is yours are very remiss also, as until they've seen everyone they can't know if they're going to be faced with an external applicant too good not to recruit.

Yes - they use a points/rating system for how well you demonstrate you meet each competency, and if someone scores higher than you overall, they will get the job. It's not personal.

I’d also be looking for a new job. Your manager likes you where you are, doing what you do, going above and beyond so bringing in external candidates to do the senior job that you can support as they find their feet is the easiest option for them. You deserve better OP. I’ve had the same happen to me and it felt humiliating at the time but looking back it gave me the impetus to move on, I’d become too comfortable in my role and I was ready for a new challenge. It will pass, but for now, channel your anger into a job search and don’t do any more than you need to at work, you owe them nothing.

I would try to go to the meeting. I was the manager in your situation, there was a promotion opportunity in the team, I encouraged one of the existing team to apply, and then gave it to an external. It was a really tough conversation. But the internal person just did poorly at interview particularly on their understanding of what the promotion meant more broadly rather than specifically in the job itself. I made the right decision, although the internal could have done the job the external was great. I set up a development program for the internal and they got a promotion the following year.

I think 3 years is not that long to expect for sure a promotion. Also, the fact that you aren't strong mentally to take feedback would tell me that you are not ready for more responsibility if I were your manager.

Perhaps the external candidates do really have more experience than you. You could wait and see if the new people will last or you could just find a new job if this is unbearable.

I've also been rejected for promotions, my manager wanted to promote but not the CEO, then when I saw what they hired (external candidate) that person was really much more experienced than me and we get along.

This happened in my company, where a role came up and my colleague applied - kind of already assuming she would get the job because she'd worked there years and her manager had also told her to apply.

The role went to an external candidate.

Part of her feedback was that she didn't try hard enough or show enough enthusiasm in the interview.

They felt the external candidate was much better prepared for the interview and really showcased themselves / what they would bring to the role. They had lots of ideas for things they would implement in the role and how to improve the team.

Whereas my colleague went in with a 'the job is as good as mine already' attitude. She relied too heavily on 'i have so much knowledge of the team and how it works, I will slot right in', rather than focusing on what could be improved.

I agree with a po who said its difficult sometimes when you're internal because they know everything about you so it can be difficult to sell yourself as you think they already know the answer. Is your boss normally supportive and genuine? If so I would take this as an opportunity to improve in the future on whatever went wrong. Its more likely to be about interview technique as if he thought you didn't have the skills for the job he wouldn't have encouraged you.

It's fine to be honest and say something along the lines of you're really disappointed and worried you'll get upset so although you'd like feedback please could you wait a few weeks til you feel better about it or could you a summary in writing first so you can get your head around it a bit before a discussion

Agree 100% on this. I recently did an interview to get in a panel for a job I know I could do with my eyes closed (20+ yrs experience in a fairly specialised area) & I completely failed the competency based interview I was not prepared for - far too complacent & just so long out of practice with interviews!!!

I’ve been there - not nice.

But - listen to what he is telling you. He wants to help you progress your career. He sees your potential. This is a good thing.

You can’t change the hiring decision. But you have a great opportunity now to show him you are professional, committed to the work, keen to learn, to take on more responsibility, and to accept his guidance. That will put you in a strong position for next time.

Other opportunities will come along, or the new hires might not work out. If you go into this feedback meeting and show clearly that you are ambitious and willing to take feedback to grow professionally, you’ll make a great impression.

Best of luck.

You really do need to hear what he has to say. Something resulted in external candidates being selected over you, despite your strong performance in your current role and your managers view you were a suitable applicant, and you need to know what that was.
Most likely explanation is simply that the successful people had even more experience than you, and/or gave a stronger interview performance with fuller or more relevant answers to the questions, and so scored more highly. If your employer operates a certain selection process, it is likely they treat all interviewees as equal and only score on interview performance, and make their decision strictly on the scores. (Personally i think this is flawed, as it can disadvantage internals who can't embellish their experience, but that's by the by).
It sounds as though your manager is genuinely trying to help you here, so I think you need to attend that meeting and learn why their decision went the way it did. You should recieve advice on how to fill in any gaps, and hopefully development opportunities to do this, and guidance on how to best sell yourself in interviews. You can obviously take it or leave it, but it seems a bit counter productive to ignore the advice of a person who chooses people for roles.

I would delay getting the feed back a couple of days as you will feel most raw just after you've got the news. But do go and get it afterwards in case it is helpful. I would be clear it isn't necessarily about you but the circumstances- I once applied for promotion when there had been a decision made to basically prioritise external candidates, which I was unaware of. Had I applied before or after that recruitment round I may well have gotten the promotion but as it stood I didn't even get an interview. Like you I was angry and upset. I moved elsewhere and got my promotion. I was told afterwards about the external candidates thing and that my manager was sorry I'd left as she thought I was great. But all a bit too little, too late.

These things happen - use it to build your resilience and as feedback. I would also be honest (not too honest!) about my feelings with my manager - noting you feel upset partly because there won't be another opportunity for a long time now, you'd planned to stay a long time as you love the company, but now you feel like you will need to consider leaving, which isn't what you want. Perhaps your manager will be able to offer you something.

I think that the fact that you are so disappointed, that it has really upset you, shows that more practice in applying and interviewing for jobs is needed. Take the feedback offered when you are ready, and start actively looking for jobs to apply for externally.

One thing that jumps out at me from your OP is that you say that after a few weeks of not hearing anything you were told that both roles had been given to external candidates.

This sequence of events doesn't reflect very well on you or your company.

I get the impression that you felt like it was a done deal, or at least that you deserved the promotion because your manager knows what you're like and that you've put the hours in, and so after the interview you just sat back patiently and waited for it to be confirmed. If you'd gone for a new job somewhere else, what would you have done after the interview? Would you have sent an email thanking them for interviewing you and saying you hoped they would give you the opportunity to prove yourself in the role? Would you have chased up after a week if you hadn't heard back? Carrying on with your day-to-day job and not saying anything for several weeks even when you were working with the hiring manager and so presumably seeing the decision-maker every day is a little odd. It strikes me as rather passive.

It also doesn't reflect very well on your company, or at least on your manager. If everything you say is true, that you've been working really hard towards this opportunity, putting in unpaid overtime, and your manager has been impressed enough with your performance to encourage you to apply, it's quite shitty of your manager to leave you hanging for weeks when they knew the jobs were going to external candidates. Your manager should have taken you to one side as soon as the decision had been confirmed and said something like, "Sorry @downcast, I just wanted to let you know that you didn't get the job this time. I know how disappointing this will be for you and I'm sorry I can't give you the news you were hoping for, but we do have to appoint the best candidates to the roles and on this occasion there were two better candidates. I'll give you some time to process this news and then as soon as you're ready, let's have a feedback session so I can explain where your application fell down compared to the other candidates and what you can do to maximise your chances of getting the next promotion opportunity that comes along, whether that is within the company or externally."

In any case, pull yourself together, take the feedback and act on it. And then apply for a better job elsewhere.

A slightly similar thing happened to me when I in my 20s & hungry for promotion. I was very upset. The people who got the promotions I felt I did just as good a job as them & one case definitely better imo. I was told there was only two roles & they had to pick two & on paper they more experienced. I felt like one of them got it because the mgr afraid of her reaction if she didn't tbh!! I did leave soon after for a better paid position & I did re-iterate my disappointment in my exit interview as I had loved working there up to then. Later when I was a mgr recruiting myself I got to understand from the other side how hard it can be too & face challenges from staff who don't get the jobs!!
So DO get the feedback & tell them how you feel & if you feel you'd be valued better elsewhere start looking.

Almost certainly what happened is that they saw two strong external candidates and didn’t want to lose them. Chin up OP, book a feedback meeting when you’re ready and see how you feel after that. But please leave this until you’re feeling more on top of your emotional response.

How did you perform at interview? In my organisation, it all hinges on that - even though they know perfectly well your skills etc, if you don't put that across well enough at the competence-based interview, you won't get the job/promotion.

I would definitely take the feedback. I've been in this exact position and feedback on my interview performance really helped.

Recruitment is expensive and time consuming whilst training new people or letting them find their feet especially for a smallish company.
Internal promotions leave your job role unfilled and so they’d then need to start the recruitment process again - for someone who self admits they work unpaid overtime and do an excellent job. You also love your job so maybe didn’t come over as strongly motivated to change roles?
it sounds to me like they found people good enough for the senior role from external candidates and so decided to keep you where you were.
But maybe your manager wants to help you for future interviews so definitly take the opportunity for feedback, learning is never wasted.

How have they not valued her?
Better candidates turned up.
Its a business at the end of the day.

Oh dear.
You may have interviewed well, but people with more experience who interviewed better simply out performed you.
That's life.
I think you need to work on your resilience here ....

I have been in your shoes too many times. I know the feeling.

You either suck it up or you look for a new job. I would personally talk to the manager to see how much sense the feedback makes and if it is bollocks I will just look elsewhere. If the feedback makes sense I will work on the feedback.

It is just a job. It is there to pay the bills. Chin up! It is not the end of the world and ultimately it is all a learning curve. Take the experience and move on!

Good luck!

Accept the offer of feedback. Take it on-board. Use it to secure a more senior job in a different organisation asap. Do not stay. Your employer has shown they don't value you. If you stay, you will be telling them that you agree.

You need to listen to the feedback, you can’t judge it before hearing what is said.
maybe the external candidates were better suited and it’s just unfortunate timing, or maybe they weren’t and you would be better suited and then you can make your decision whether to move based on this.

being able to accept and listen to constructive criticism or feedback is part of moving up in your job and gaining seniority.

Unpaid overtime rarely pays off, they are more likely to see this as a reason to keep you on your role.

Get the feedback, consider moving.

You don’t mention how you felt the interview went OP.

Unfortunately there is a tendency for internal candidates not to prep as much as external and not answer as fully. The interviewer is obliged to go with the candidate who performs best on the day and scores highest for the question responses. I would get the feedback and try to learn from it.