Didn’t get promoted and am devastated - please help

Listen to the feedback and be prepared to ask yourself if the manager does actually have some valid points.
Your reaction over something that wasn't guaranteed is probably a bit OTT.
Learn from this.

Hey OP, I've been there and it really sucks. You need to take the interview feedback even though you don't feel up to it - maybe you could ask for it in writing 'for your records' but actually so you can process it on your own time?

Then use the feedback to get another job. I'd say it's time to move on.

Apologies if I’m repeating anything but have t read all the replies.
I’ve been in a very similar situation, OP - with a company for five years, knew it inside out. Rare chance of a promotion came up and I went for it, felt the j review / presentation task went well - but wasn’t offered the role. I took it really hard. Had to make the same choice - stay and feel slightly embarrassed for a bit, or find something else. I stayed. Helped the new hire settle into the role and committed to learning from them - they didn’t have the same experience as me, but did have a lot of knowledge in other areas. Committed to learning from them and started an external training course. A year later, I applied for a much better role at a different company, got the job, and haven’t looked back.
In your position, I would ask for your manager’s feedback points in an email. Give yourself some time to consider / add your own thoughts to them and then arrange to meet and discuss. See it as a learning & development opportunity. See where you could use some training, and go for it. In time, hopefully you will see that this gives you a good boost / jolts you out of your comfort zone and lets you push forward - either with this company or another. It’s easy to get complacent or think we know everything about a job or company - but there is always something new to learn…

This is your big opportunity to ask them to fund any additional training that would help you progress.
If the other candidates have masters degrees and you haven't then ask if they can fund that.

I would take a few weeks before deciding whether your manager wants to keep you where they are to make their life easier vs they just chose the people who performed best on the day. Either is possible. If it’s the former, you may need to move to progress as you deserve. But see what your manager has to say first, if they are genuine they will take concrete steps to help you progress in the company, improve your CV and take on roles to give you great competency examples in future interviews. They’ll help you look for opportunities not necessarily in their team but also more broadly. If they don’t do that use the feedback to smash an interview elsewhere!

For me a lot depends on the type of company it is.

i worked in a school for many years. They were obliged to interview for promoted posts (head of year etc) but it was an open secret that many of these posts were created for people and in fact management and teachers both talked about this openly - oh, Freddie has too much to do now he’s stepped up and taken on responsibility X so we’ll create a new post for Dave to take on Y.

They always interviewed for them (legally you have to) but it was generally made very clear in advance who was expected to get it and I don’t remember it ever not happening.

by contrast, sometimes it genuinely was an open contest.

if I’d been asked to apply by my manager I would have assumed it was the first case not the second and I’d be very very upset that others got a shoe in and I didn’t.

if you are sure it was a fair interview process then consider asking for written feedback.

either way it’s time to move on.

They are awful aren't they. They really test how good someone is at interview prep for standard competency based questions. There's so much on AI and the net that interview panels must be hearing the same rehearsed answers over and over.

I worked for a large organisation for 5 years, consistently over achieved, received awards at all hands meetings from both inside and outside of my own team, received positive feedback from customers despite being non customer facing as I always put in extra.

I didn’t get the promotion I went for despite doing far more above my role than most of the panel.

I immediately started looking, been in my current role for 3 years, earn 20% more than previous role and work with the most amazing people who see my value.

i would leave in your position and never look back!

If you say no, it will justify their decision not to give you the promotion.
You need to talk yourself down from your highly emotional state, attend the meeting, listen and process.
THEN, decide what you want to do next.
Good luck! x

I would add.. don't ask what your faults are or feedback on yourself, hold them to account.

This happened to me in my old company and was part of what prompted me to leave. The feedback was that I did very well and they were planning to promote internally but the external person was so good they had to hire him for the company. I wasn't the only disappointed internal candidate and would have been fine if it had gone to someone internal as it was a very specialist area and lots of people had the specialist knowledge and performed well internally and were on the right path. The person they hired was a really nice guy, but didn't have the specialist knowledge and has not picked it up as hoped, and several of the experienced team have left the company, so they're in crisis. I feel sorry for everyone all round. In this case a high performing specialist team basically got told they had no future in their current role.
I've also experienced a different team where an outside person has come in and been an absolute breath of fresh air and I've learned so much from them, so sometimes it's a benefit all round. However in this case there wasn't a set of people who were in natural progression for the role so it didn't cause huge demotivation and detachment.
I'd say listen to the feedback and see what happens. But also maybe start working on your plan B at the same time. If it's feeling too soon to hear it, ask your manager for a few more days before meeting. Consider all of this as information gathering to inform whatever you do next.

I personally couldn’t stay somewhere like that. Imagine if you have to train up the new people!! I’d take the feedback out of interest but be actively looking elsewhere.

You should definitely accept feedback, if you don’t that doesn’t look good.

Sorry to read this. . I had a similar experience at work and emailed my boss (once I had calmed down) and asked the question: What is the leadership's appetite for internal candidates to progress and gain experience in other areas of the company? What training and progression plans are in place for consistently high achieving staff such as myself who have been at the company for X years.
This went to my boss's boss and within a month I was promoted to a new role and 6 years later heading up the team. I believe you have to make some noise and politely & constructively ask them what more can you do. If that doesn't work, leave.

I think the worst aspect is they didn't give you feedback right away.

Often there are other forces at play, like boardmembers wanting to bring in their candidates / people who are like them. But it's basically respect to keep you informed in good time.

Do look elsewhere.

Wankers. Take the feedback, see what you can gain aadditionally in skills and experience whilst looking for a new job. Try and stay upbeat. Companies do this shit all the time and its crap.

I am a great believer that feedback is a gift. You should take the meeting.

I just missed out on a promotion, another person scored higher than me. They had more points for certain words / descriptions used. They were just more polished in their delivery. Although I find this frustrating, as I have lots of experience, they were clear on this process from the start.

Next time I go for one I will ensure I know the scoring criteria 'buzz words' that get the higher marks.

You can be too good in your present position and your manager likes a safe pair of hands.

Someone on here said the quickest way to progress in the civil service was to hop between jobs. Private/public/private/public and so on.

The higher you are in an organisation, the more you need to process bad news. As a manager you need to cope with keeping the team motivated during redundancies, keep going while things are falling apart around you, deal with underperformers and much more. So if I were you, I would take the feedback and start looking externally. If this disappointment has floored you so badly, you need to keep in mind that in a higher role, you would be facing difficulties and disappointments all the time. Are you ready for that?

You're not a failure OP. These things are hard to deal with.

I think it would be beneficial for you to have the meeting with your manager, because it will help you clarify your future with the company. If they can point to specific, achievable objectives which stood in the way of your promotion this time, and give you a roadmap for how to reach a promoted position within the next couple of years, then you might feel it's worth sticking around to work on those objectives.

If on the other hand the feedback is vague or you feel you could have done the promoted role competently but were simply not the preferred candidate, that might clarify for you that it's time to look for a new position elsewhere. Some companies can get too comfortable with keeping their employees where they are instead of nurturing talent and bringing you up through the ranks. If that's what's happening here, you need to go where you're appreciated.

If you truly can't face the meeting with your manager then it's time to start looking for jobs elsewhere, because it shows the relationship has broken down and you won't feel trust or support there again.

Keep your chin up - this could be the threshold of a far better opportunity.

How you handle this rejection professionally will impact your future at this company. Have a breather, book a meeting for feedback in a week or so. Go from there. It's horrible but don't let a disappointing experience turn into a damaging one. Probably best not to view any internal promotion as a given especially when open to external candidates too, i.e. do your best, hope for the best but don't over invest emotionally.

Take his feedback then use it to search for another job

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/work/5367912-job-went-to-another-internal-candidate-how-to-move-on?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

read this. The OP got a lot of good advice

Absolutely this! Take the feedback and don’t show how knocked you are. You have to be seen to be determined about it. I did similar last year…went for two internal roles and didn’t get them. I took the feedback, I didn’t sulk or show how pissed I was (and I was! believe me!) and then got it the third time. Trust the process @downcast.