Didn’t get promoted and am devastated - please help

As a few other posters have commented, your boss is completely out of order! First he encouraged you to go for it. Then puts you on ice after the interview, before eventually letting you know. Then reluctantly gives you flaky feedback. I daresay, he was deliberately cruel!
I reckon 'offering feedback' is a just an empty platitude to make themselves look good and feel less guilty. They most likely don't want to give feedback and hope you don't take them up on it.
By all means keep an eye out for alternative employment, just don't jump from the frying pan into the fire.
Also, don't ease the newcomers in by training them up. And stop doing unpaid overtime!!!!!

Op, please never base your self worth on what others think. Are your managers or interviewers that important to you that you are willing to burn yourself out or change parts of yourself? What if the interviewers change? Will you then change tack? You're on a hiding to nothing.

Agree. Also, these new people might have much more experience than you, so I think you also need to accept that this could be as simple as "the better person won" Focus on you, and move on from this specific situation

Moving up the ladder doesn't equal doing more. I would advise you to reconsider your work boundaries and make sure that you are not providing free labour or working over capacity. This is not team playing and it sets others up to be unfavourably compared.

I would recommend applying for roles elsewhere as practice. If you are successful you can learn the skill of gracefully declining but you might also feel ready to move. It is easier to be neutral if you apply for roles you're not so invested in and can practice applications, interviews and feedback sessions more neutrally.

It is not a reflection on you as a person but on your professional profile. If it was suggested that you lack skills in an area you feel you are skilled at then it may suggest your boss doesn't know you (which is poor) and had no intention of recruiting you. Or you invest so much beyond the expectations in your current role no one else will match that and they know it.

Carefully wind back this over-investment, reset boundaries, acknowledge your worth and review your commitment to a business that isn't matching in their commitment to you and your long term development.

Realistically it might be helpful to ask your workplace what they are now going to do, to keep you. Your skills can be useful elsewhere and you are naturally disappointed that you seem to have been set up somewhat for a fall as you were encouraged to apply.

You are obviously doing well at your role or you would have had feedback stating otherwise.

If you are doubt anything outside your role, you need to be doing it with a clear benefit - is it either bridging a gap that you need to bridge or is it giving you greater exposure to people who have influence over your career.

If it doesn't serve a purpose and direct benefit for you, then don't do it. You can't end up being the dumping ground for extra work, only take on challenges that benefit you - make decisions more purposely.

It sounds like you are in a situation where you are already working hard - probably technically very good. You need to document the difference between the role you are currently doing and the role you want to get....see which of these things you can do and which you need to get - for example, if you will be managing a team but haven't do it before, are they opportunities to manage a project or are there newer staff you can mentor etc which helps close that gap/compensate for experience gap etc

Start by asking HR. Say you were disappointed not to get the promotion, but you've discussed it with your manager and the areas you need to improve on (don't mention that you don't agree with everything he said, just thst the process took place,) and you think it would be helpful to get some support from someone else to give a different perspective and help you develop.

If HR won't help, there might be external organisations which can - I mentored someone in a completely different organisation through Aspire (her career is doing far better than mine!) Asked on LinkedIn. Are there any professional organisations for your field? Or if you're in a union - mine can advise on career progression- they've an online library of resources.

Is there anyone in your organisation that stands out as a real leader- one who is really good at training people, does well in their own careers and well respected and well connected across a number of departments?

I've been where you are and a few things that helped me:

• Keep doing what you are doing - any change doing less or trying harder or any negative reaction won't help. It will also be noticed

• Realise that you can lose out for reasons that are beyond your control - the other person was better, political reasons, there's no succession plan for you, personality clashes etc

• Work on the feedback you have been given. It doesn't matter if it's accurate or perception. You may think you have sufficient experience with X, you may even have, but if they think you haven't then you need to close that perception gap

• Have you ever interviewed anyone yourself? If not, try to get on interview panels internally given if only to observe. It will change how you interview

• Have you interviewed recently with a recruiter? It might be worth getting independent feedback on how you home across? If there are any gaps etc.

• Since I stopped caring so much about getting promoted my interviews when better. I focused on doing a good interview that left a good impression and realised that what I wanted to do was position myself for this job but also for future ones if I wasn't successful on the first occasion. It's more of a marathon than a sprint sort of mentality.

Be careful that your determination to prove them wrong doesn't lead to you training the people who were given the roles. It's an easy trap to full into and your manager has laid the groundwork.

I would be reading my job description, doing my job with no extras and looking for another role. They appear to have no respect for you.

There was a brilliant thread by someone in a similar situation. She was a real work horse and the promotion went to someone else. So she just mentally switched off and stuck to carrying out her role, no extras. Company folded. I'm in that situation now and I will never do more than I have to now.

This is actually the heart of the matter. Why indeed. I suspect there’s something going on that’s nothing to do with you at all. Either way this is quite perplexing behaviour.

I agree with @UnsocialMedia
The purpose of the meeting was to give you feedback on your interview and tell you why someone else got the job instead of you. It wasn't a job appraisal or opportunity to tell you what you do well.
I'm glad you didn't ask how how he knows that the person who got the job can do X and y. That was the purpose of the interview and it would have made you sound very defensive
I know it's disappointing, it's happened to me before, it happens to people all the time.
But now you have to get over it. You are in danger of becoming bitter and that won't help you get promotion.
Try and focus on those areas for your development. Do your job as well as you can, seek out ways you can develop those areas and also try and get some interview practice.
Look out for other jobs you might like but don't let this one incident colour the way you behave or do your job.

I think there's some line blurring here between how you're doing your job day to day, and how well you interviewed.

The point of the meeting is for him to tell you why you didn't get the job, much as it's encouraging to hear he thinks you're a good employee day to day, this wasn't the reason for the meeting.

Your level of experience was presumably felt to be suitable, which is why you were invited to interview, so the reason(s) you didn't get it was due to something you said/did at the interview or something the successful candidate said or did.

There's no point emailing him in a while saying you've improved at X task, that will make you look needy and bonkers. The time to mention how good you are at X task will be in your next interview.

I really think you have to move on from this, @downcast, you're in danger of spending your working week doing the pick me dance, a combination of 'am I good enough now?' and trying to show them where they went wrong in not offering you the job.

Take the tips onboard, and either make your peace with it or find somewhere else to work.

I think you would benefit for from a mentor or sponsor either with the organisation if a situable person exists or an internal one who knows your company & the industry.

You seem to have a lot of positive going for you, hardworking, ambitious and good feedback in your current role.

Some of your questions indicate that you may benefit someone who could guide you in terms of profiling, positioning, networking and interview preparation. I think it would be beneficial whether you remain with your current employer or go elsewhere.

Just my two cents.

It doesn’t necessarily mean the people they employed are any better , just that they interviewed well , they may or may not be better suited to the job .I would listen to the feedback & try not to take it too personally . You can at least use that feedback to help when applying for a different job somewhere else if needs be .

I think I would keep my eyes open for pastures new either where you are on another team or outside of the company. Unless you see another path for progression where you are, I’d be inclined to move on when something comes up.

I wouldn't do that. I would email your manager now and thank him for the useful meeting. Say that you are keen to address the areas for improvement that he raised and that - as you'd not really been aware of these prior to him raising them - it would be very helpful for your development if you could meet again in a couple of months or so to take stock of your progress and see how else you can position yourself for further opportunities.

At the moment, you sound quite defensive and determined to prove them wrong. I don't blame you for that, but it isn't going to make your manager receptive to you. You need to show you're approaching the feedback with an open mind.

If he hasnt raised them before maybe the new hire put forward ideas that made him realise what he'd missed.

Women are not always good at blowing their own trumpet. Yes you do need to do a bit of ,,,,said they were really pleased with it.

I'd be keeping an eye out for other jobs.

Well if the interviewer was good, the interviewee would have been able to illustrate how they can achieve in these areas. Maybe interviewing external, fresh candidates highlighted what they arr lacking. Wait for these new people to come onboard and see what happens, maybe you might learn something from them. This may be a great learning and growth opportunity for you and if not, perhaps there are greener pastures elsewhere.

Keep looking for pastures new - it sounds like you are doing a good job where you are so they’ll keep you there doing the same job.