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AIBU?

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Original poster

Autistic son very loud at night

33 replies

Doolallyally · 09/07/2025 02:21

DS (9) is profoundly autistic and non-verbal. He vocally stims and can be very loud. Recently he has been waking up at 2am vocally stimming, shouting and giggling. I’m separated from DH but still living in the family home and ex leaves for work at 5.30. Ex regularly comes out of the bedroom he’s sleeping in to shout at DS to be quiet and go to sleep. He then proceeds to shout at me to do something but it’s impossible to make DS go to sleep and very difficult to control him.

I tell ex to wear ear plugs or headphones to block out the noise. He does have a large fan which blocks out noise. I know he deserves not to be disturbed. I’m now sat outside DS’ room listening out for every little noise!

AIBU in that I can’t make him sleep or make him stop stimming? I do understand that he shouldn’t be loud in the middle of the night.

Ex said he’s sick of doing everything for me and called me a silly woman when I said I can’t make him sleep.

OP posts:
Shenmen · 09/07/2025 05:24

simsbustinoutmimi · 09/07/2025 02:49

Melatonin only stays in the system about five hours. Unless you’re giving it to him way too early, it shouldn’t make him irritable.

i would caution against moving to another semi if your son can’t keep quiet at night. Try to make sure his room is on the outside facing side of the house.

Show quote history

It can make some people irritable and aggressive. I felt awful the next day when I tried it. Really snappy and grrrr

Ohthatsabitshit · 09/07/2025 05:18

Melatonin can give people very very vivid dreams and isn’t always helpful as a result. Your X is being an absolute arse shouting at his disabled son for his disability. This is worse than shouting at a baby for crying in the night and you need to protect your child not apologise.
As far as what could help ds sleep longer and better, you are looking at all the standard things like exercise, diet, calm safe environment, comfortable bed etc etc. if you haven’t tried it air conditioning can really really help as the cool and the hum create a more bubble like atmosphere for bedtime. Waking and verbal stimming at night is very very common for autistics.
when are you getting sleep?

simsbustinoutmimi · 09/07/2025 02:49

Doolallyally · 09/07/2025 02:38

Thanks all. I’ll be the one moving out and I’m moving in the next few weeks. I’ll have our son around 60-70% of the time. We are currently in a semi detached property and I’ll be moving to a similar house.

It’s very difficult as ex’s approach can result in DS having a meltdown/crying as he’s been shouted at. Constantly coming out to shout at him riles him up too and makes him less likely to sleep. He does listen to his Dad though.

Its the constant ex telling me to “do something” When left alone DS eventually goes back to sleep, I understand that he shouldn’t be loud in the middle of the night.

We tried melatonin but weren’t sure if it was making DS aggressive and irritable. Might have to try it again though.

Melatonin only stays in the system about five hours. Unless you’re giving it to him way too early, it shouldn’t make him irritable.

i would caution against moving to another semi if your son can’t keep quiet at night. Try to make sure his room is on the outside facing side of the house.

Original poster
Doolallyally · 09/07/2025 02:38

Thanks all. I’ll be the one moving out and I’m moving in the next few weeks. I’ll have our son around 60-70% of the time. We are currently in a semi detached property and I’ll be moving to a similar house.

It’s very difficult as ex’s approach can result in DS having a meltdown/crying as he’s been shouted at. Constantly coming out to shout at him riles him up too and makes him less likely to sleep. He does listen to his Dad though.

Its the constant ex telling me to “do something” When left alone DS eventually goes back to sleep, I understand that he shouldn’t be loud in the middle of the night.

We tried melatonin but weren’t sure if it was making DS aggressive and irritable. Might have to try it again though.

OP posts:
ToffeeCrumble · 09/07/2025 02:33

Yanbu. Hope you can get meds to help everyone sleep. (Including neighbours if they are disturbed.)

simsbustinoutmimi · 09/07/2025 02:30

Are you living in a detached property?

it’s maybe worth making sure he is getting more stimulation during the daytime and not just school. And cut his caffeine/ sugar down.

your son is maybe picking up on the tension at home, I live w my parents who are in a similar situation and the tension is unbearable. I’m not saying your ex is doing th right thing shouting, but maybe a more firm approach needs to be done

melatonin may help him sleep, even short term. I am autistic and on it, and it’s been a life saver.

you need a prescription for melatonin in the UK. So worth asking your GP if you’re uk based.

itsallsohard · 09/07/2025 02:29

No wonder you're divorcing this guy. Why does he think it's on you more than him to fix this? Even if it were fixable?
Leaving that aside, does your son get melatonin/ circadin? Sleep problems are common with ASD. I also have a DS with ASD. It took a lot of pushing the medics to get circadin! But you can buy melatonin over the counter in North America, including chewable versions.

Gallivanterer · 09/07/2025 02:24

This sounds so hard, I really feel for you.
Now that you've separated does ex have plans to move out?