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AIBU?

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How do tou remove an abuser

34 replies

Blodyneighbour · 09/07/2025 00:43

My friend is in an abusive relationship. She is a Tennant of social housing and has moved her partner in about six years ago. Basically, she had him living there pretty quick.
There are no kids involved as they left home when this man moved in.
He isn't on the tenancy agreement.
But my poor friend has been beaten up by this brute on numerous occasion and she did all the right things, she contacted women's aid when he broke her arm last year. He also put her in hospital the year before. (She said she fell over) and had her cheekbone broken.

Well last year when he broke her arm she had domestics come ti see her as she finally admitted he hurt her, so women's aid were intouch.

Now here is what we don't understand, although she was intouch with women's aid, they were telling her to move out of her home!
This is solely her name on the tenancy agreement.
They also gave her advice about when she calls the police to dial a certain number, she also had her house marked.
Anyway, she did have to call the police last month as he cornered her and was kicking her. She did what she was told to do but no one came out to her!
She has now resigned to just getting used to it and women's aid told her they are signing her off as she isn't interested in reporting him.

I'm so worried for her, she never told women's aid she called the police as she thinks its just not important.
This man has tried to choke her twice now. She was referred to marek. But they say she is the one who need to move when its her house!

Me and my partner can't keep having her turn up whenever she is abused.
Help please

OP posts:
MiloMinderbinder925 · 09/07/2025 01:03

Blodyneighbour · 09/07/2025 00:55

Yes that's what they did say if I remember rightly

OK. What this means is she's been assessed as very high risk of homicide. She can't be kept safe and I'm assuming she doesn't want to make a statement so there's not much the police can do.

She could get a non molestation order for example, but it's unlikely to deter him and could escalate the situation. If it were me, I'd run for my life.

Blodyneighbour · 09/07/2025 01:03

Also, when I say that I can't keep having her here, I actually can, she is such a lovely person. And I want to be there for her. But it's just frustrating in the middle of the night. But she feels let down some how. I worry for her.

OP posts:
FuckNugget69 · 09/07/2025 01:01

So to be very blunt and clear (apologies this really isn't a judgmental post at all) if I'm understanding she's been told to flee because of imminent risk but is refusing as it's her tenancy?

I completely understand why she doesn't want to (and by rights why should she?!) but it sounds as though agencies are offering help but she's effectively refusing by not fleeing?

It would seem that is her only option and if she won't do it I'm not sure what else can be done in all honesty.

If she presses charges is there a chance he will be held on remand so at least she may be placed into emergency housing by her LA?

If not then as I see it her only option is to flee. As shitty as that choice is!

I really hope she can get some sort of resolution. It's an awful situation

Blodyneighbour · 09/07/2025 00:59

Also she has her dog there who she would never leave behind.

OP posts:
Blodyneighbour · 09/07/2025 00:55

MiloMinderbinder925 · 09/07/2025 00:48

I am not sure as I don't have the details, but it sounds like she's been advised to flee because she's in danger.

Yes that's what they did say if I remember rightly

OP posts:
Blodyneighbour · 09/07/2025 00:54

FuckNugget69 · 09/07/2025 00:49

Did anything come from the MARAC referral?

I may be wrong but she can go into refuge and I believe that they can arrange alternative housing for her?

Sorry for the short reply. I was just having a quick look before sleep.

I'll reply if I can

Thank you. Yes they said that because she was choked they would have plans in place

OP posts:
Blodyneighbour · 09/07/2025 00:53

Yes we thought the same. But she won't go as it's her tenancy
And she thinks this arsehole will have more rights than her.

OP posts:
FuckNugget69 · 09/07/2025 00:49

Did anything come from the MARAC referral?

I may be wrong but she can go into refuge and I believe that they can arrange alternative housing for her?

Sorry for the short reply. I was just having a quick look before sleep.

I'll reply if I can

MiloMinderbinder925 · 09/07/2025 00:48

I am not sure as I don't have the details, but it sounds like she's been advised to flee because she's in danger.

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