Screen free children

My twins never had phones until their 16th birthday .
They are neither socially isolated or odd.

What I have noticed in the year since they have had phones is how much time they now waste on shit.
It couldn't go on forever but I don't regret for a moment they they didn't have phones any younger.

Little sister of 13 wont be getting a phone either.

My kids were pretty screen free when they were little. Similar set up to you. It wasn’t so much that we made an effort to ban it, more we just didn’t even own any ourselves and have never been into the latest gadgets or TV etc.

As they approached their tweens they both wanted phones. For my eldest we were very strict at the start. She had her first phone around 10. Wasn’t allowed social media. Just old fashion text messages and 1 or 2 games including the times table rocks stars etc.

Then Covid hit and we had to get iPads for home learning but they haven’t been used since Covid.

They are both teenagers now and have full unrestricted use of iPhones. They are pretty good with them. They aren’t obsessively on them and don’t obsessively post their lives on social media. They mainly use Snapchat for keeping in touch with friends and making plans. They scroll tiktok occasionally and that’s where they get their news from, although this does bother me and I try to tell them they need to fact check what they see on TikTok.

I think us not being very techy as a family generally has meant that my kids are just not that bothered.

I only know a couple of families that have managed this and their children are great; bright, confident, chatty and keen in Lego, drawing, music and comic books (the fancy kind). I think more parents will follow this path as evidence mounts as the negative impact of screens on children.

Why no telly?

I am so, so thankful I wasn't allowed my own laptop and phone until relatively older. I didn't grow up in the age of social media being everywhere and the type of smartphones we have nowadays, but there was social media, and smart phones were beginning to be more like they are now. I begged my parents for my own laptop and phone, and they relented in my early teens, and I am SO thankful they didn't give them to me as an actual child.

It hasn't hurt my tech literacy now as an adult, or when I was a teenager. But it did allow me to actually use my imagination and get bored and have to come up with things to imagine and play and do. I don't think many kids get that chance now.

I agree! Specially when all studies show how screen time impact negatively on all skills! How utterly insane are the pps saying less screen time will lead to socially awkward kids 🙄 How is staring at a screen teaching social skills?

You don't think it's bad at 7 and 3?!! 😳

How do you know how much screen time they have at school? It’s probably way more than you think - the white board is literally a screen, our kids do an iPad quiz about every single book they read from year 1, there are about 6 different learning apps, they watch newsround every day etc etc etc

The other think to think about is the earlier you introduce it, the earlier you're stifling other interests, such as imaginative play, lego etc. It's the same as introducing sugary drinks, once you do that your young child won't be interesting milk or water, and hopefully that habit continues as they get older (which I have noticed in my wider family and friend group, they drink water not softdrinks like we used to)

No you aren't on your own, just the minority. We have a tv, that is rarely switched on and I own a tablet and DH has a laptop/PC but our DC does not have screen time or even want it. I remember when 1 of them was about one and I was very stressed, I put the tv on in hopes of 5 mins peace. They walked away from it, uninterested. Whereas my god daughter will come over and ask for it to be put on (same age). Although we will win no awards, I reckon we are doing the right thing 🤣

You’re in the minority and at your kids’ ages I don’t think it’s bad. I’d start thinking about how to introduce technology and helpful limits to build lifetime habits. They won’t be screen free forever - they’ll need to do schoolwork and make phone calls and send emails and messages. Your oldest DC must be on the cusp of that. It’s like junk food and in most cases alcohol. Lifetime abstinence isn’t going to happen, how do you teach them limits

Your children aren't screen free. Buy your own admission, you.Let them watch tv and occasional programmes on screens. So they're not screen free.

I would be very happy without TV, everything I watch is on my laptop.

I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong, but I do think you may have to realise as your children grow up and fo on play dates they may have screen time at their friends houses, have goes on their iPads or phones.

so you still need to teach them about what is appropriate to watch and online stranger danger/ chat rooms.

Same!

To be honest a lot of the adults you see addicted to their iPhones would have been brought up without iPads and smartphones etc. So clearly it isn’t going to avoid this happening once they are older.

Mine are 12 and 10, we have no tv or switch Mon-thurs and only set hours at the weekend. 10 year old is fine about it. 12 year is now an utter pest re phone. But mostly audiobooks, duolingo and some games.

my two still imaginative play with one other friend whos 13. All the boys seem to only be able to play sport outside of gaming. Suggest play in the garden to some of the girls and they little walk around like lost souls.

i think it is much easier in primary school, its also easier if you start early on the tech boundaries.

This is so true . Screens aren’t all bad. So many lovely creative and learning type activities to be had.

I just read a thread about an 11 year old who spent 10+ hours a day on their phone so I think you're doing a great job! 🫶

I was certainly stricter with screens when mine were small. It was a long time before I allowed personal screens enter the house, I just think it’s bad for kids to spend a long time on a personal screen, totally immersed and not sharing the experience.

But ultimately screens will come in and i think we have to guide them how to use them widely. I have social media on my own phone and my 13 year and me watch it together and I talk about algorithms and how the social media gets you to stay engaged and it becomes addictive.

I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know if I’m going the right things myself but I think long term banning them isn’t the answer.

My primary aged GC school only gives homework online, so for many being screen free wouldn't work. My youngest (born 1997) loved nature programs, her teachers used to be impressed by her knowledge. Seejng things is completely different to just reading about them. If you are naturally creative, screen free might work, but if you aren't, there's good ideas online. Before manga etc was popular, my youngest had found it. Screens give us access to the whole world and history. I often think what my great-grand parents would think about being able to 'walk' anywhere via Google maps. There can be amazing things on the screen and a load of rubbish printed in books.

My cousin has done this with her child who is a very happy, bright, sociable 11 year old now. I really admire her for it because it can’t have been easy. Now she’s worrying about introducing the phone for secondary school because she’s concerned about her child being isolated if she doesn’t have one, but at least she has had a childhood free from screen addiction and she has learned that screens have to be used carefully.

I think you are doing great. You do sound like you are not preaching to anyone. Think people are being a bit mean that your kids will be socially awkward. That’s just a ridiculous statement.

Erm, what???

It depends on the age and you can set limits. Research is already showing screens are basically worse than nicotine, so as a parent you need to step up, I'm assuming you wouldn't let your young child smoke 🤔

While I aspire to be this parent unfortunately real life got in the way. Screens are everywhere. Wait until they visit friends, family, start hearing other kids talking about tv shows or video games, begging for it at Christmas….impossible to stop unless you want miserable children who think they’re missing out on what their peers have.

Mine is 4 and they are, as are most of their friends. I did let them watch some TV when they were 3, daily for about an hour to give me an uninterrupted break and noticed they were genuinely getting addicted. They started to ask for it and not want me to turn it off, so I said it was broken and stopped it. We have never used screens while out. Kids don't need it, they only end up like this because of the parents. And there's no excuse for it, as much as parents will try to make an excuse.