Screen free children

This! I have heavily addicted friends in their thirties and forties and we are expecting children’s brains to manage it? I genuinely believe that heavy screen time and children on smart phones and social media will be looked at by future generations the way teens smoking is looking at by us.

I’m a primary teacher and you can spot the screen heavy children from day 1 of P1 and it goes downhill from there.

DSD10 is mostly screen free at our house (50:50) but she has a phone and an Xbox at her Mums and a fair bit of TV time. We do a family movie night occasionally and she enjoys being here because, in her words, “no one sits on their phone all the time.”

We are doing IVF at the moment and the plan should we conceive is screen free until 3 (let the brain development that’s crucial in the first thousand days happen) then TV only throughout primary.

As a secondary teacher, I do not agree with some of these comments regarding tech and school. The children who are clearly screen addicts are the most difficult to teach and find it the most difficult to cope at school. They struggle to maintain focus for long periods of time. They struggle to read and comprehend long passages as they are used to the instant gratification. I’ve also taught many pupils who have told me they’re ’screen free’ and tbh I probably could’ve picked them out on my own. Read a lot more books, calmer, could manage the demands of sitting and learning for an hour. I think there is a middle ground but it’s extremely difficult to get right so screen free it’s best in my opinion.

Some of the smartest minds of this generation are designing these apps to be as addictive as possible. Study after study has shown how negatively screen time affects the growing brain. I think it’s naive to say that children can be trusted to manage their own screen time especially on apps like Tik tok. Many adults are addicted how do we expect children to manage it?

Also, lots of edtech apps and programs aren’t supported by great evidence and much of the research is commissioned by the companies themselves so can be biased. I know of schools pulling these to return to more ‘traditional’ methods.

Sounds great, op.

it will get both harder and more complex when they reach secondary school and screens become the main way of organising a social life. Not saying that at that point you just give up but you might want to think about how to handle it, perhaps gradually allowing more.

Im convinced that later generations will look back in horror at how slack we were allowing small children to use phones and iPads so much.

No we don’t restrict screens.

But we are fairly outdoorsy people so our Ds by default doenst actually have that much time to watch tv anyway. On rainy days in the holidays or when unwell I have no problem with his watching as much as he likes. As he then might not watch any the next 5 days. He mainly watches films now at 5, but will often start one and finish another day if in evening and getting late.

As I child we had the tv 24/7 pretty much. It was always on in the background or a video on. This was before we even had internet at home or on demand shows.
As an adult I very rarely watch any tv. Ds didn’t watch tv until he was about 2.5 years as I guess I never have it on daytime so didn’t think to, and then it broke and we didn’t have one for about a year.

Using a computer and being tech savvy is very important for their generation. At 5 he doesn’t use much yet but he knows how to use a laptop, how to search, how to use a word document and print something, etc.. as this will all be needed soon at school. By 7 years they use laptops and iPads here at school for work and various homework’s.

It’s not unreasonable, it’s probably good for them. But you are extremely unusual. I work with around 150 primary aged children and personally don’t know any who don’t have a TV at home or an alternative screens.
The evidence is that moderate screen time only causes issues if the content is very poor or it prevents other positives like playing outdoors, socialising or doing sports.

No by the time they are 14 they will be more or less average like everyone else.

Can you tell which 14 year old was breastfed or bottle fed?

It's how you are in the real world as an adult which has more influence on a child. The OP seems quite judgemental, assuming that others have much more screen time and that it's really not that hard to limit it.

So screens or no screens OP is shifting the goalposts to have more judgemental on others children. Some might see that as a good thing, some may not.

It's how you use screens on the whole.

When we took ours out for a drink and there was nothing better to do ours played chess against each other on a phone. Is that such a bad thing? This was an unexpected stop, when we didn't have a game or book or newspaper with us. They learnt chess from their dad, with an actual board and pieces, but could easily adapt to using their phone, game play was still chess.

If you don't think your child can handle the rules around screens, or might be easily swayed, or could not have the skills to be able to navigate or regulate their usage, then yes extreme limits on screens are probably best, but if you have a generally average kid who knows your rules are in their best interests (even if they do disagree with them at the time) and are savvy enough to know what to fill their time with and what not to, then screens are just like a full games cupboard or library, or cinema, in your pocket. And just like you wouldn't let a 7 year old play Cards Against Humanity, or read books on descriptive murders, you have parental controls on the internet. It's no biggie.

Some kids are lovely, with or without screens, some kids are dreadful with or without screens. It's not the screens that determine this.

I know three screen free families. Tbh I envy them! Dc was screen free until about 2 but then DH and Granny kept putting the TV on and now DC watches it during breakfast and a bit after school. No ipad though, and I don't allow it at restaurants or out and about except for aeroplanes.

I have friends who didn't have a TV growing up and tbh they are all interesting people who aren't that in to the TV as adults either and I don't feel like they missed out on much.

I was a screen free child and I'm fine. My son watches TV a lot but we don't have tablets or anything like that. He also takes part in a competitive sport so super active. Carry on doing what you're doing op. Being screen free didn't make me addicted to screens as a teen/adult. I'm very grateful I spent my childhood outdoors/doing crafts/using my imagination.

Yes! And I imagine there’s going to be a lot more of us in the next few years. Our school is also very low tech and a lot of the parents follow suit so less worries about being left out.

Do what feels right for your family. In ours at 8yo, that looks like 15 minutes earned through learning midweek and 30 minutes on a weekend day. Sometimes there may also be a family movie on a Sunday afternoon if the weathers bad or we’ve just had a really busy week

Screens have actually helped my socially awkward child who also has selective mutism.

Before covid, he never spoke at school, not once to any other children. When we went into lockdown, we allowed screen time because that is where school work was set. We also allowed child friendly apps so they could still interact with their friends.

This was absolutely the best outcome for my selective mute child, he actually found the confidence to speak to his peers behind the screen and upon returning to school after lockdowns, he managed to whisper in front of his peers. That was a huge turning point for him.

Even with the interventions we have in place for him, I am not sure we would be where we are at today if it wasn't for the screen use during lockdowns. He still manages to talk to his peers over screens now with the voice that we, his family hear everyday but face to face they will only hear a whisper.

He has also been granted the use of a laptop in school which has been a huge benefit to him educationally, without it, it would have such a detrimental effect on him.

I appreciate my childs circumstances are more unusual but just wanted to put it out there that screens can and do have benefits.

I think you find it the other way.

I think most people have restrictions. We only allow TV at the weekend We dont have strict limits on time but it usually worksnout to be Saturday morning cartoons/film and Sunday afternoons.

No computer games, tablets, phones, YouTube etc.

We found early on that a lot of kids tv (Peppa Pig) were so short and self contained that we would see tantrums afterwards because they wanted more (films were fine as they told a full story over a decent period of time). So we do regulate what is allowed- anything with attitude, sass or results in tantrums is banned.

We didn't allow any TV until 2 as I had some post natal stuff going on that meant I was super strict about following rules. I don't know if this was useful or luck or just development but we did find DD was happy to watch full films at that point. We also made it clear that if she was watching TV, she was watching tv; it wasn't something to have on in the background during playtime. So I don't think it's affected her concentration.

That was my initial thought tbh 😆

My oldest was 4 when he had to be homeschooled through Covid. Would have been impossible without screens!

Fair enough, you raise your child in the way that you feel is best for them Op, it isn’t anybody else’s business.
Things you will need to think about and have a clear plan for the (not too distant) future:

What about play dates and sleepovers, will you allow them time on devices at their friend’s house? If not, you will end up hosting most and putting extra effort into entertaining them.

What about Secondary school, will your dc have phones for travel safety and staying in touch with friends. If not, how will you help your child to stay in contact with friends?

Do you have an age in mind when you will relax your stance on screens or just see how it goes?

Will you sit down with your child and ensure that they have the necessary tech skills to navigate Secondary school? In addition to Computing lessons which assumes quite a high baseline, DC has everything through a school app (time table, homework, behaviour points) Then homework is accessed through further websites which he had to find and set up his own accounts/passwords then navigate to the correct page. His lunch money is on another app. He applies for clubs through a different website.

Honestly at Secondary school screens are used a great deal so if you stay screen free until the end of Primary please set aside a significant amount of time in year 6 to get dc up to speed, otherwise Secondary will be a huge shock and they may resent your earlier decisions.

My daughter has access to the free TV. She is 8. However she lasts about 5 mins watching it saying it's boring and returns to playing with Playmobil or outside. She has a huge group of friends and seems very social so not effected her. She doesn't have access to an iPad, games etc as we don't have any. She has access at friends houses but tbh that all don't seem that bothered by them and when she goes for playdates the children just play with Barbie etc. Maybe children are on screens more at secondary. They don't seem bothered in primary.

My kids were screen free until secondary school (they are both now 15) other than a bit of telly. They are both bright with lots of friends. We are still a social media free house (mumsnet doesn't count right?) so glad we did it this way. Stick to your guns.

Seriously? WTAF?
Her kids will most likely be emotionally well adjusted, learn faster and have their own opinions. As opposed to the 98% of kids whose parents can’t be bothered and just stick a screen in front of them. We’ve lost a generation to the myth of educational screen time and you think her approach is wrong?

Wow that's shocking if your an outlier and your child is 4 😖 Mine is 4 too, and most of his friends are the same no screens, not even TV

We're not screen free for my 4yo, but the only screen he gets is TV, which we watch together as a social activity.

It does make us feel like outliers. All the parents I know limit screens to a greater or lesser extent but I don't know many who never allow iPad time (we don't own one) or who never allow unsupervised TV.

I think it's well worth it for us. I expect it will keep getting harder once he's at school and feels left out. He won't be having a smart phone until he's 16 and I know he's going to feel like an outsider for that. We're just trying to equip him with the skills and information to navigate that in an age appropriate way.

More and more parents are moving away from screens and smartphones so it is an improving picture overall, but it's a hard world to navigate.

Mine grew up watching their favourite videos on repeat. They’re all in their 30s and just fine. I think it’s internet that needs limiting- give them screen time that you can control.

Thing is if you take anything to extremes there will be negatives

TV has some amazing stuff
There are great films
And internet has introduced us to much comedy and just fun clever stuff

Being able to use technology as a tool, or being able to guide yourself through it, or even having to have difficult conversations around the negative aspects of, well social media or eventually porn is if not essential, important nowadays.

Saying all screens bad is like saying all adults peadoes. It’s just not true.

You were on a screen yourself OP starting a discussion about yourself, possibly looking for validation about your choices. Screens can give that validation to your children as well.

It’s not no screens = good v screens = bad

When our kids were small they had tv in the front room, usually animation films, some tv. They got smart phones when they went to secondary and traveled solo.

Got gaming a bit older than most
were not allowed Fortnite when 10
were not allowed 15/18 games - we were not completely rigid about age certificates but they were guidelines

they have never had social media
they don’t post online pictures

what they can do is navigate it

the show us some amazing stuff, fun science stuff, crazy fantasy worlds, we wonder around google maps - the youngster rolls his eyes when we enquire whose side of beef are we on with Drake v Lamar etc

we have introduced them to fun comic strips, inventive websites (the one where you take a photo of a pike of Lego and they send you something you can make out of it)
we all play music to each other

there are hundreds of thousands of amazing people online who are happy to give their time, inventiveness and knowledge for free - it’s not all about fake selfies

“oh you can’t say that you will get cancelled in uni” - fun conversations

our teens read, exercise, hang out with friends, one has just sat GCSEs and needed reminding but revised, they do chores, we can take them to any environment, they volunteer, have jobs, they teenage swear with friends (they all do) but can curb their language, they cycle around safely, run errands, look after their grandma - and yes they do game - but it’s just part of their life not al of it

there was a bunch here last weekend they later darts and DND - not a screen between them
they hold poker sessions and play basketball

screens are here to stay being part and using them as the amazing tools they can be is not detrimental

there is more computing power in a smart phone than they had when they first landed on the moon

we trust our kids to make the right choices - and that includes screens and phones

screens are not the problem

how you use them can be a problem but you throw out the baby with the bath water by having no screen rule

we like and use screens as tools, entertainment and communication and by them using screens this way they throughout their lives now they are independent ish they handle their screen use well

What a strange stance. I've got 4 kids, when they were little we barely used screens. Now they are teens/adults they do but far less than their peers. They are probably far more sociable than many of their peers. Some of whom barely go out as they constantly game. Whereas mine love going out, doing sport, and are extremely sociable.

I think when previous posters have mentioned the kids growing up to be socially awkward, it’s because there are so many screen-related references in playground talk/games. For example, at the minute the girls in my child’s class are making up dances at break time to songs they’ve learned from a kid’s film on Netflix. Kids can actually get ideas for imaginative play from things they watch. It can be quite isolating to be that child who has no idea what anyone else is talking about.