Screen free children

I am an all things in moderation person. I have always hated the mindless TV as background noise thing, so when they were little I would only let them turn it on for something specific - ie to put a movie or particular show on. I think it made it feel like a treat, in a way. Like if we'd had a busy morning and wanted to chill out for a while we'd put a movie on.

They are now 18 and 15 so it's just a free for all, no idea if limiting it a bit when they were young made any difference, but neither are especially screen obsessed. They both went through a x-box phase at about 12-13, seems to be a thing for that age (or maybe just boys?).

I do have one friend who is no screens at all, and her kids seem fine with it, but she is pretty alternative about everything and a bit of a hippy - her kids were born at home, have never attended school, they live very rural and off-grid, only hang around other homeschooling kids, etc. So I don't think they feel like the odd ones out as they might in a more conventional life!

Our DS10 doesn't have a game console and he is an outlier in his class. Recently some kids in his class were taken on a bike trip paid for by the school as they are 'poor', he was told, and then he said, 'how come they are poor if they have a game console that costs 200+ pounds?' We feel like we are running out of answers here as kids grow up and we will finally have to give up or our kids will resent us... BTW son is very academic and loves books, it's probably one advantage of reduced screen time, but it doesn't look like it will last... it's just the world we live in - can't fight it.

IMO the ‘screen free kids are social awkward’ argument doesn’t really hold up.

yes some kids who are screen free are a bit…different, but I don’t think that is to do with the screens. There’s normally lots of other stuff/parenting choices going on there too. Correlation is not causation.

I used to help run some summer camp type groups. We were told to be mindful of some kids not having a TV and therefore being left out (this was the 90s) We chose not to base our activities around cartoon characters etc but the number of times I actually saw kids being left out was..none? There were 1 or two conversations where I said ‘oh I’m not sure everyone watches the same programmes’ and then the conversation moved on.

we do have screens in our house but the kids behaviour is usually worse afterwards.

Limitations are good, but at some point they will need to use screens for better or worse. You can’t escape it when you need an app for so much. Have been helping my elderly mother

Mine enjoyed lovely kids’ TV programmes but that was the extent of it - no phones or x-box until age 11. They read loads. I felt proud. Now they are teens they are screen obsessed and read much less. I’m still glad they had a reduced-screen childhood, however I would hate to have missed the joy of lovely kids’ TV programmes and the nostalgia and shared memories they will always have for them.

It always amuses me when people dont let DC watch TV as if its a wonderful thing.My DD was addicted to Teletubbies ,loved Playbus ,and watched the worst witch with her big sister.As a teenager she watched horror movies with her friends and loved BGT and the movies .Worked hard .went to Uni 3 science A levels ,Did a Masters degree in Physics.Working in industry now well above 50k!

I think it more comes to a head around age 10 up op, keep doing what you’re doing and hopefully you’ll have kids in the ‘take them or leave them’ camp that some of my children’s friends are (as opposed to my hooked kids!)

We are the same as you OP. We have a near four year old and a six month old. No screens except for the odd fact finding mission/show and tell and to look at nursery photos/video calls to relatives. You aren't alone but you are right, there aren't many of us and we've never met another family doing it in real life. I honestly believe it has such a big impact on children. Have you read the book 'the big turn off'? Really good one, and goes into a personal account of navigating a totally screen free childhood.

I hear the argument a lot that screen free kids won’t be able to get into character role play etc but the vast majority of super hero characters began as comic book or graphic novel characters and even things like Paw Patrol have book equivalents. If people read to their children they will still be able to relate to popular characters.

I think most parents try to limit screen time but there is a middle ground and I don't think some Tv does harm. My DC are in school and afterschool club from 8-5:30 and if they want to watch TV for an hour when they get home I'm fine with that because they're probably tired and need to recharge.

I don't see the benefit in zero screen time personally but we try to limit it so they're playing creatively and imaginatively as well.

My DC (2.5 and 4.5) have about 20 mins on weekend days, none during the week and I feel like we're on the low end amongst our friends. The older one had none until he was about 3 aside from the odd educational/nature video, e.g. if he asked a question about bees or something. I have found that now he's older, his friends talk about programmes they watch and he wants to see them because he's curious, so I think there's a significant peer element that will grow in importance as they get older and I don't want them to be ostracised by friends for not knowing what they're talking about. He has one friend who has zero screen time and I do notice he's less able to get into the superhero role play etc because he doesn't understand the references. I've got to admit I also enjoy watching an episode of something with them - it's bonding time for us, I don't use it to keep them occupied while I do something else. We also don't have a TV so it's not the focal point of our living space and we're not modelling screens as the default activity (I leave my phone in the kitchen and only use it when necessary while they're around).

Oh and they have always been allowed unlimited screentime if they being productive so for instance we had a lot of imovies, procreates, garage band, tuning app for her violin, story telling, sfx productions with a green screen, powerpoint presentations, etc

for us, if you are using the tech productively there is no limit. If you are just thumb scrolling them no.

My kids weren’t screen free but screen were only used purposefully and we didn’t do the mindless ‘let’s turn the tv on and see what’s on’. They also played video games but I was very strict about timings. My kids were really good at playing with each other and not needing screens for entertainment. The four of them are close in age which I think helped as they had someone to play with.
I wouldn’t have wanted to be screen free as I like watching the tv too much myself and I like doing things like Mumsnet. My kids are adults now and still play video games together. My sons are in their 30’s but have several gaming sessions a week with each other and my daughters join in from time to time. Also when they come home to visit we will all play some Nintendo classics together just as we have always done. It’s so much fun and such a big part of our family. I don’t see any negatives with it at all. We all love to play board games and three of my kids are big readers. I think you can do screens in a perfectly sensible way. It’s just about parenting your kids properly and parenting the kids you have. None of my kids were the super addictive type so some screens wasn’t ever an issue.

It’s lazy parenting that’s the issue not screens.

I am baffled that some people associate screen free kids with awkwardness and poor social skills. Really really baffles me.

my kids were the same @screenfreemum they are now 17 and 15.
got first ipod at 9 (thank you godfather!) then phone at 10 because walking home alone, now ipad needed for school. Since last year the eldest can keep her phone in her bedroom. She smashed her glass ceiling in the GCSE equivalent so we re good.

my youngest plugs her phone downstairs at 9 we will see next year. She followed the same as her sister wxcept she got her phone a yr later because of a big lie she told us.

we bought a TV when eldest was 9.

we have super sociable kids, very resilient and quite confident. Eldest is walking towards living the nest, still needs an anchor at port, but will be ready to go.

keep going OP. You re doing the right thing. Just make sure they dont fall behind what others are doing ie. They need to watched all new blockbusters that their friends will be talking about, you might want to introduce roblox to the 7 yrs old so she can play with her friends, programs that others are watching (my youngest was watching dr who) etc. At 7 they are quickly moving towards the pre teens yrs where it s all about the tribe not the parents.

They went out/ go out and managed not to get lost. Like every previous generation of children until the last 15 years.

We allow TV only at weekends and then it will be limited to one movie watched as a family then maybe an hour of cartoons at some other point. My 3 year old is obsessed with Peppa and begs for it but I think she probably gets to watch about an hour of Peppa a month in total. If she had her way, she'd jsut watch TV but I prefer her to play, bake, read, go to the park etc.

I think this is commonly what happens. Keep something away and then they'll binge when they have the freedom😄
When I held a party at my home you could tell the screen-free apart from the others. They were glued to the screen I had on open-mouthed (it was just Disney music videos playing from YouTube on my TV). The rest were playing and dancing.
Mine isn't screen free. of course we also go out a lot, he gets a lot of social interaction, he goes to nursery some days, we spend a lot of time with family, he's well behaved (for the most part! It shows when he's around his peers), he's very talkative (sometimes too much😆), people always comment how clever he is and how much he knows about different things. He's 3.

Do they also know their parents phone numbers? Numbers are usually stored in phones these days. It's not just as it was and all we had to remember was a house phone.
I wouldn't know my families phone numbers if I lost my phone

Read the title of the thread again and don't you dare speak to me like that

Read it again - OP said mostly screen free.

OP, I think it's great what you're trying to do, keep them away from them as long as you can, they will definitely become more rounded and sociable human beings.

I don't think there is anything wrong with watching TV. My grandchildren have been allowed to watch since they were tiny and they have learned a lot from it. They know far more about the body, from watching Ouch and history from horrible histories than I do! They also use it to relax and the older ones play switch.
They also read a lot, socialise and are very active.
It's all about balance. And screens are not the same as smart phones which I agree young children shouldn't have.
Banning all screens seems overkill and I don't see the point given we live in a world full of screens.
When I was at school many, years ago some people didn't allow their children to watch TV. Those children were usually the ones who felt left out.and even now I have some friends who are in their 60s now and not allowed TV as a child. When we get together as a group we sometimes chat about our childhoods and TV programmes we watched there is a lot where they have no idea what we are talking about.

My kids are (mostly) screen free. I say mostly because we do have some started off unintentionally and just stuck. They’re older than yours but so far it’s worked great.

We don’t have a telly as we took it out mid renovation and I noticed how much better the kids were, less bickering and general attitude, so it’s never gone back.
I don’t regret this in the slightest and the kids aren’t fussed about missing out on the love island gossip, I do get some random questions about programs but honestly it’s barely a thought.

We have a laptop between us and an iPad both used for school apps and the odd film rather than games. They get a lot of iPad time at school as they get older which would only really bother me if that’s what they were doing in the evening too.

We do have phones for secondary school for on the commute/bus being cancelled etc but at the school they get handed in when they get there and given back out after. Phones are used for homework too and after about an hour when it’s all done it gets put away to charge. I’ve never had to enforce this or anything it’s just automatic.

I’ve personally not had any negative experience from having limited screens (without any actual limits, I wonder if actual limits would make it more desirable) Our kids are all pretty sporty, sociable and fairly academic, they’ve all got a nice bunch of friends and mostly get on well. Obviously we all have off days but on the whole it’s working for us personally.

To add, I’ve seen some horrendous cases of bullying and insane explicit content that staff have found on students devices. We’ve had the police in many times due to nude photos being sent from pupil to pupil. We’ve uncovered WhatsApp groups with pretty much whole year groups as members where they’ve bullied and harassed, threatened and ganged up on one or two other students. I don’t think some people realise the dangers phones pose. They’re physically safe but they’re opened up to so much more. This isn’t just my school either it’s in all schools. And I work in an ofsted “outstanding” school in an affluent area.

Not every school is the same - the primary I teach in has 4 iPads per class, it’s probably a total of about 10-15 mins a day.

We have a TV but never really watch it - I did put some tennis on the other day while DD was napping. DP and I just don’t watch any TV really - I wouldn’t know what’s on 😂 We have an ancient iPad in a drawer somewhere which I never really got the use for.

Your approach sounds great OP. I’m a bit taken aback how much screen time is required by schools as PPs are saying - DD is a long way off school age yet but I don’t love the sound of that. Done no research on it, just feels a bit weird to me (a person who grew up with photocopied homework sheets 😂).