My eldest daughter is 24, I’m German, my husband is Italian and we have been living in London for 7 years now.
Currently our daughter does a remote job and is able to work from anywhere. Her boyfriend of a year is Russian, he works as part of a professional athletes team so spends most of the year on the road with him and lately our daughter has been often joining them.
Here is the issue, my husband hates her boyfriend. He is fiery, prone to maybe raising his voice, he has got angry and hurt himself (not really like self harm more like punching something). He’s never hurt our daughter and she is totally in love with him. The outbursts don’t come often as far as we know but obviously we aren’t with them all the time.
My husband has now made rules, such as daughter may not visit with him, she may not call in his presence and she shouldn’t mention his name to her father.
Of course I am nervous about the relationship but my daughter swears he has never hurt her, that the anger is always at himself not anyone else and is very kind and loving most of the time.
This is what I’ve seen too, he always seems very kind to my daughter and to me; he’s very good with our younger family members and always keen to help. He just occasionally gets frustrated and even then he is only inflicting harm on himself. Of course my daughter is encouraging him to seek a therapist.
Now I haven’t seen my daughter in 5 months and only can call her while my husband is out as she refuses to visit without her boyfriend. I miss her so much and would love to see her. My husband is unwilling to budge on his opinion saying he won’t watch our daughter get hurt.
Im worried he is pushing her away which exposes her to hurt more not less. I also dont think her boyfriends behaviour is too concerning, yes not ideal but it’s very clear he loves her.
Am I being unreasonable in my feelings? What do I do?