To have lost myself in my marriage

Well, I wouldnt put up with any man who wants me to stay in and stare at a wall. No matter how much he liked me to.

I’m assuming he has aways been like this?
I suggest joining a women’s walking group, I’m in one and it’s brilliant.

With your update, he sounds lazy and depressed.

I mean, my husband loves gaming, but we've not got kids so we're both more able to do whatever we like, and we still go for a date night once a week, and do fun things together (we're going mountain biking for the day this Friday).

I've said above that I love doing outdoorsy things on my own, but I couldn't live with a sloth who never wanted to do anything at all.

You say you have no problem going anywhere on your own but in your original post you say you don't sit in the garden on your own and you don't go to the beach because you don't want to go on your own? So which is it?

You need to realise that your DH is not going to change and suddenly be the kind of person who loves to walk about and be outside and go for picnics or walk on the beach etc. Its not who he is and you know that.

So you need to find your own things that you enjoy separate to him. Join clubs in the evening, take a class, stream some TV shows on your laptop in the evening while he games with some headphones on so at least you are doing your own thing but sharing the same space.

Then go for a walk on the beach and leave him to game, is there a local walking group nearby you could join to go for walks and make friends.

I have had to do this myself. I was getting into this kind of rut not doing things I wanted to do and have had to sit down and put myself first sometimes. I made friends with my neighbours who I used to only make small talk with. We are now good friends and go out for lunch and coffee during the week or for a walk with our dogs.

No-one can do it for you OP. It is possible for you to have a life together with your DH and also have your own interests and activities that you life alongside it.
Do something for yourself or you risk resentment setting in which will kill your marriage completely.

I think this is perfectly reasonable. With your update it sounds like he's completely checked out of family life.
I would be reconsidering this marriage.

Why does him being a boring twat mean you can't do any of the things you want to do?

I love museums, DP doesn't, so I go to them by myself, or with a friend.

Start doing these things by yourself, and either learn to love your own company, or find other people who you can do these things with.

Once you've started filling your life up, you can then work out whether your husband who wants to do nothing but game is actually bringing anything to your life or just dragging you down. (And I've got nothing against gaming, I spend a good few hours on it every week, but it's a part of a full and varied life, not the entirety of it.)

You sound very passive - where are the children when you game? How old are they

and no he shouldn’t get every weekend if you separated.

talk to him tell him this needs to be a partnership not his needs prioritised

I understand the loneliness of being married yet doing pretty much everything alone.
some days I get on and do things myself but other days I feel down and sad that this is how it is. But I would encourage you to make your own plans each day. Do things that you enjoy. Find a way.

No. Could you explain why she can't go into a bedroom by herself please?

You live in a beautiful area with the beach near by. Go by yourself, join clubs, a gym, Facebook groups, find any way possible to make friends and go and explore what sounds like a lovely area to live in!

If he wants to waste his time indoor, gaming. That's fine...but you don't have too!

Well that’s because, for some reason, you’re looking at that detail in isolation. Instead of understanding that it’s symbol of a much, much wider problem in her marriage. Surely you can see that?

You sounds incompatible. I understand partners don’t do everything together, but there does need to be some shared interests otherwise you will end up leading parallel lives

Go for walks especially down the beach, whenever I want to do something but I’m scared to go alone, I think adventure awaits ! - it’s often not found in the four wall of your own house !

OP does he know how you feel?

It’s odd that a grown man prefers the company of video games than his own wife. You need to speak
up because nobody deserves a life like this. What about when/ if you have children?!!

I don't find it understandable. I find being lonely in a marriage understandable but not going to the beach or into a bedroom because you can't bear to do it by yourself is bizarre.

Oh. Why are you married to this pale, sickly, selfish man?

You need to do the things you enjoy, without your husband. You can't make him be an 'outdoors' person, if that's not who he is. Has he always been like this? If so, then he's not going to change now. You can go and sit in the garden, go to the beach, for walks etc. Find out if there's a walking group you can join. Your husband sounds boring, to be honest but presumably he's happy with his choices. You can't make your husband join you, so you have to forge your own interests and make new friends. Why can't you sit in the bedroom? My husband often watches a film downstairs (I don't have the patience) and I'll watch something that interests me upstairs or read my Kindle.

Precisely! @blueberrypuppet This situation is ludicrous - how and why did you allow for this to happen?

I cannot comprehend that someone can be so selfish and inflict his obsession on the person he is supposed to love! If he chooses to waste his life playing with things on a screen, the least he can do is do it somewhere unobtrusive where he doesn’t annoy others in the house.

My personal advice would be to divorce and lead the kind of life that suits you.

If you don’t want to do that, you need to create your own life and leave him to his gaming. Friends, hobbies, hiking trips, getting a dog - whatever floats your boat.

Youtube is full of middle-aged and older women ‘influencers’ who one day got up and got out to do their own thing - watch some of them for inspiration!

Why have you married someone so narrow and insular?
Surely this didn't happen the minute you married?
Don't have children with him.
Start planning your divorce.
This was a mistake.
Own it.
Move on.

Your marriage sounds somewhat lonely. He won't do any of the things you like

Well, to be fair, op’s dh has moved to the coast, so that’s a fairly big compromise!

But, generally speaking, I agree that a couple need a balance of doing things together and doing things individually.

Op, did you post because you want advice about your marriage? Or do you want advice about how to branch out on your own?

This seems like an issue where the balance of power in your relationship has swung too far over to your dh’s preferences, but you have autonomy and agency op. Now is the time to be brave and start doing some of the things you want to do either on your own, or with a dog, or with new friends. You don’t need your dh’s permission! Don’t mention it in advance, just do it!

What is holding you back so you think? Anxiety, or finances, or something else?

Why not advertise on your local Facebook group that you are looking for female companions who are interested in walking at the beach every day? I was a military wife and then an expat wife for years and this was my tactic whenever I ended up somewhere new, except I centred my activities around the local park. I’ve never not had a response. Then you can all start going for a coffee after the walk. And you build up things from there.

If you are still interested in staying in your marriage and you still love your dh then I suggest you focus on your health, your friends, developing more of a purpose in life (work if you are not doing so already , or volunteering related) and something creative. I think a pet such as a dog usually brings good people in to your life too.

It isn’t fair that your dh dictates your daily schedule and activities. Is he controlling you in some way? Or are you allowing yourself to be controlled?

How invested is he in the marriage? Is he making any effort at all or is he living like he is single? Gaming isn’t living. Why is he avoiding reality? Could he be depressed?

Good luck op and please come back and fill us in on the context and then people can give you more targeted advice.

My husband does not meet all my emotional needs. That's why I have friends - he likes wrestling, I like poetry - so we aren't joined at the hip. There is no way that I would sit bedrotting while he gamed away the gorgeous summer evenings. Get out and walk, run, take up tennis, volunteer.

Do not start this as an act of defiance, but do not be surprised if taking the blinkers off means you get the ick and it ultimately ends this unfulfilling marriage.

Was he like this before you married him? It sounds like you married someone you have nothing in common with. Honestly your husband is your main companion through life and life is long. You need to spend some time thinking about whether you are happy to go through life doing the things you love alone or if it’s better to split.