To want to nip this in the bud ( LGBTQ views , child )

Within the context of a child coming to them to discuss a boy they fancied.

Use “boy-you-fancy” if you prefer.

I definitely wouldn't allow it at 11

She is not too young to have a crush. She has one. There is nothing that can be done about.

She is also not too young to have a boyfriend within the specific childlike interpretation of what that means.

You need to let go of this obsession with sexual relationships. That’s why you are freaking out. You only understand that term in the context of adult relationships.

The same niece also told me she had had “flings” and rather than freak out as you would have done I asked her to explain explicitly what she and her friends mean by “fling”. (It was not a fling.)

You cannot let go of this “sexual relationship” concept as clear by your mention of Mandy Smith.

If you think an underaged girl in a sexual relationship with an adult man is the same as an 11 year old girl innocently discussing an 11 year old boy she has a crush on, who she met at a school trip then….I don’t know what to say.

In the post I answered, the term didn't come from a child. It came from an adult asking the child if that was their 'boyfriend'.

Quite a different thing from a precocious child using the term.

How is it ‘basic safeguarding’ to imply to an 11 yr old that it’s ok to have a ‘boyfriend’ that she fancies? Rather than point out that she’s a bit young for a relationship with that sort of label?

Is this the problem? Are adults too scared to tell kids they are too young for certain things in case they won’t be the ‘cool’ auntie any more?

There are only two genders. He's not wrong there. It might help to encourage him to break down the LGBTetc acronym and think about different aspects of it.
The monthly assembly is odd. I suspect the school has gone a bit 'Soviet Agitprop' about it all. That would've irritated me too (I still hate it actually!)
The 'less good friends' thing is a pity, but something that will pass I suspect.
He's only 11.
But being 11 he's going to start forming his own opinions. Of course you can disagree with him, but how you disagree is important. If he feels shamed or 'shouted down' he'll just not tell you next time (remember when you said things that shocked YOUR parents) and you'll establish a pattern that could last a lifetime.
As for choosing to be gay, my 10yo DS will cheerfully tell me that such and such boy in his class is gay and then a week later they say they aren't gay any more and have a girlfriend blah blah. I suspect some of them are figuring stuff out and others are just messing about. So that may be a context for his thoughts on choosing to be gay.

See my edit.

But clearly things were very different at your school when no child had a crush and nobody spoke of fancying somebody till they had commenced puberty.

I'm talking about use of terms like boyfriend and girlfriend

No it’s not really standard when discussing children.

I think most people would presume an 11 year saying “XX fancies” you means something massively different to a 25 year old saying the same.

Ditto an 11 year old saying “I have a boyfriend” means something very different to a 25 year old saying the same/

Erm, because you said this

So you said I literally was talking to my niece today about this boy she met at a school camp. She clearly fancied him and I asked her if he was her boyfriend and she responded “I would like him to be”.

and then you said

But this notion that children are completely unaware of their sexuality is false. I have known far more young children than not have crushes.

When you say “I have known far more young children than not have crushes” are you now claiming that you were a child at the time? Because that’s really not how it sounded.

And as I pointed out, children talking to each other about crushes is one thing as they have generally similar levels of understanding but children talking to adults is entirely different as you went from your niece ‘fancying’ a boy (and I’m still not convinced that was her exact word) and took it to the next level of ‘boyfriend’ which she might not have done with a peer. That is the problem which you seem unable to understand.

And funnily enough as an 11 yr old I and my friends weren’t having those conversations as much as you imply is happening.

then you said Why do you think me knowing of children having crushes means:
”me talking to many kids about who they fancy”?
Why is that where your mind went?

My mind went there because you talked about your niece fancying a boy then started going on about how many ‘young kids’ have crushes.

Do you not read what you write at all? Or are you intending to write something completely different? Or are we speaking different languages?

Do you genuinely think it is ok for adults to encourage children to think about boyfriends at age 11? This feels like quite an 80s view. Mandy Smith anyone?

I am thinking of romantic relationships, yes.

I'd say that's quite a standard understanding of the term.

If an11 year old is hanging out with someone, that would be a friend. Not a 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend'.

"[So-and-so friend] fancies you" was absolutely standard language when I was in primary school, even before 11.

And I don't know where you're getting that JHound was "encouraging" anything, other than an allowing a child to be open about their feelings if they wished. Basic safeguarding.

I think you, like the other poster are rhinking of boyfriends / girlfriends in terms of adult relationships.

You don’t have to have gone through puberty to “fancy” people or show signs of liking people.

There is nothing not age appropriate about it. Especially in a conversation instigated by your younger family member.

Same. And this is why I WANT my nieces, all of them, to talk to me openly (and nephews) for that matter.

So they have somebody they trust to talk to and I can ascertain if there is anything untoward or if talk of boyfriends / girlfriends / “flings” is actually just completely innocent.

Let me remind everyone that the vast majority of 11 year olds haven't gone through puberty yet.

I clearly move in very different circles to you.

Nothing to do with sticking fingers in ears, everything to do with age appropriateness.

When would you start referencing boyfriends? 7? 9? I'd be interested to know.

Yes - which was in response to mine. It’s not weird in context (I assume that typo is “a boy or girl she appears to like).

No fancying doesn’t have sexual connotations. It barely has romantic ones especially not when discussing children.

I did not “claim” she fancied said boy. It was fairly obvious she did in the context of the conversation.

The problem is you are for some reason applying an adult framework to it. Which I am not.

This is the comment I was referring to

A mother, or an aunt, asking their daughter/neice if a boy that they appear to life is their "boyfriend" is sensible.

Yes.

Of course.

For one, if there were (God forbid) something inappropriate going on, surely you'd want to know?

And surely, when your child (or a close family member) starts indicating that they are experiencing romantic feelings, gently letting them know "you can discuss these things" is just good, responsible parenting (or, in this case, aunting)?

Honestly, do you really thinking ignoring it, sticking your fingers in your ear and refusing to engage in the topic, or telling them "you mustn't have feelings like that until youre older" is a good idea?

Christ...

Ok but I don’t think anybody said they expect their 11 year old to have a boyfriend or girlfriend?

Not even the post you quoted which was in reference to mine.

You’re the one who claimed that she ‘fancied’ said boy. ‘Fancying’ has sexual or romantic connotations - still shouldn’t be encouraged in 11 yr olds by an adult.

I did feel that ‘romantic’ might be a better word on reflection though.

Why do you think me knowing of children having crushes means:

”me talking to many kids about who they fancy”?

Why is that where your mind went?

I have been a child - and am aware of what I discussed then.

I also am surrounded by children both of friends and family and have volunteered in a playcentre moons ago.

It is possible to be privy to children’s discussions without prompting them or even partaking.

The fact your mind went elsewhere even raising the topic of “sexual relationships” when discussing children says more about you than me.

And it’s nothing good.

I think you mixed me up with another poster as I haven't commented on this particular point before.

But I do not know anyone who would reference 'boyfriends' and 'girlfriends' to their 11 year old with the expectation that they might have one. That strikes me as odd.