Would you want to know about an affair?

It's a myth that women don't enjoy sex, aren't visual etc imo.

I've heard that women are just as likely to cheat depends on age group I think.

Hahahahahaha 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Pull the other one!

Go on, post these studies then, can’t wait to read them.

I’d rather be told! I’ve seen those posts saying say nothing and I also don’t understand. If you know without a doubt someone is having an affair I feel you’re being complicit in that by saying nothing. In my own experience I felt utter betrayal from both the man I was with and all those people who helped keep it secret. I felt like I was being laughed at and gossiped about and totally oblivious until I found out. Those that knew were not my friends and me now a lot older would cut every single one out my life not just the ex without hesitation. I’d assume they didn’t value my friendship

@Mrsttcno1 that's how it goes the majority of the time.

I would absolutely want to know and if I was the one who found out I would like to say I would definitely tell the wife/husband but truly I don’t know for sure that’s true.

I found out about an affair a few years ago and told his wife who was a close friend, had complete & undeniable proof purely from being in the right place at the right time (or the wrong place), she stayed with him (her choice), was absolutely awful to me, her husband equally was horrible to me & not just to me but about me to others we knew- it was awful. Messages to me, my husband, family, friends, social media- vile. More than once I regretted saying anything while all of this was going on, I’d never have expected either of them to be so awful and had known her for years. Would I willingly put myself back in the firing line? I don’t know. If it was for a close friend or family member then yeah maybe, but for a random person? Probably not to be honest.

Equally my sister found out about an affair not so long ago, told her friend who was his partner as she was always one of those who said she’d want to know… turns out she didn’t want to know. She stayed with him, blocked my sister and told the rest of their friendship group that my sister was lying and shit stirring so she lost her friends over that. Would she do it again? I doubt it!

Absolutely I'd want to know.

Knowledge is power.

I hear you but I'm sure you're fine.

I'd never have guessed mine would cheat. I'd have said more likely to be me with an ex tbh but no, him.

I'm happy away from him.

The friend I told always said that she would want to know but when I did tell her she never spoke to me again !

It's one of those things that is very easy to say but in practice quite different. It's like when people are convinced they would leave after an affair.

The friend I told always said that she would want to know but when I did tell her she never spoke to me again !

My friend told me my exh was cheating on me. I was very grateful and got my dicks in a row and divorced him after being married to him for 21 years.

I would 100% want to know and would be grateful I was told.

I wouldn't have to think twice about it, relationship would be done there and then, no coming back from it.

I would have zero time for a man who would disrespect me like that and if I couldn't trust him, he has zero value to my life. I won't be treated like that.

I would tell someone if I knew. I couldn't have it on my mind that I hadn't support someone who was being deceived and disrespected that way. What they do with the information is up to them and if they cut me out for telling them, then their loss, not mine.

As someone who figured out he was having an affair I wished someone would of told me as much as someone telling me would of been horrible and made me have to face things quicker I think honesty is for the best because lies and deceit are soul/mind destroying

We've been together since we were teenagers, we have only every been together so the idea of an affair is just too awful.

I would definitely tell my close friends or close family members. Outside of that, it can be tricky. Some people turn a blind eye to their spouses cheating and hope that it will fizzle out. Many will be prepared to forgive, especially when the alternative is breaking up a home with young children and a significant change of financial circumstances. I think it's best to stay out of it if you don't know the couple well.

I used to think you should always tell people before I was cheated on myself.

Now I think people have to consider that if you are the one to tell someone, you are throwing a grenade into the person's life and it might completely blindside them to get a message from someone they don't know very well with such awful information. So it depends who you are to that person and how you plan on telling them.

Think about it for horrible news, if your grandad died, or if you had cancer etc... someone would call you and say are you sitting down, can you come in today and bring a family member with you etc.. so if someone was considering sending a woman a load of screenshots at a random time and then blocking on facebook I would tell them absolutely not to do it. It's better for the person who has been cheated on to find out a different way even if it's further down the line.

Maybe if they were about to get married and I was a close friend I would say something, but I wouldn't message a stranger or acquaintance with information like that.

It doesn't make you a coward @WaitedBlankey , it makes you normal and probably scared. Honestly, after a relationship of 27 years I divorced him and it wasn't as scary as I would have imagined.

There also a big difference between telling a friend who has been on a few dates/in a new relationship with someone and a marriage of many years with dc.

Why do you say "mostly men"? there's plenty of studies that actually show women are more likely to be unfaithful.

I recently found out that a guy I had been on a few dates with is still in a relationship and lives with his girlfriend.

If I were her, I'd 100% want to know. I really don't like the idea that she is spending her life with someone that is doing that to her.

I know her Instagram so I could reach out, but if I'm being totally honest, fear of repercussions is what's holding me back. Men can get vindictive. I'm worried that if I reach out to her and tell her what he's been up to, he could retaliate. And it's a risk I can't quite push myself to take for a stranger (I don't know her, never met her).

My husband confessed to his affair as the OW h tracked me down and sent me a note. She'd told him what she was up to. I'd honestly rather have not known. It causes so much upset and made me so poorly years later I still carry the consequences. Having said that, I did divorce him over something else and that just showed my character and really showed his children the person he is.

Honestly? I don't think I would.

I mean, it would be the right thing to do, to know. It would end our relationship. I don't think I could get past the idea of him with someone else.

If the affair ended and life carried on, I'd be happier not knowing. After 38 years, I don't even know how we'd untangle our lives, how to move on, or anything.

I know that makes me a coward.

I’d also 100% want to know. After being trapped in a coercive marriage I reached out to family for help to leave when I had suspicions, but none of them believed me. I lived in hell for years before I finally had proof. Many of my ‘friends’ knew what was going on, but kept it from me. One in particular knew what I was suffering at home and still kept her mouth shut. I’ll never get over that.

I can also say I 100% still have trauma from a past relationship where others knew of an affair and didn't tell me (people I considered close friends)

I wouldn't discuss it with other friends and treat it like gossip though.