To be livid about DH’s “holiday”??

Actually yes. Maybe not a whole spa break so much. But a weekend at a nice luxurious hotel that happens to have a spa, absolutely.

Simple answer is when he gets back book yourself into one and leave him with the kids.

This. If it's ok for him, it's ok for you too, OP>

Do you understand the concept of confirmation bias? This forum is full of it.

Even in the face of evidence...

Gee, it's almost like they may have the same consistent opinion that not every man out there is out to cheat on their wives.

Have a read around. The same posters creep up on so many threads like this to tell OP that she's wrong and defend the man. And attacked? Get a grip

This is partly why me and DH have separate "pocket money" - I buy my treats with mine, he buys his with his and then no one cares what is being spent on stuff like this

Why do you feel like a mug?

• Is it the amount he’s spent and the luxury of his stay?
• Is it because you won’t have chance to have a break like that?
• Is it because you’re suspicious he’s away with a woman/women or hopes to be with a woman while there (escort etc)?

If the first, then if you can’t afford it, you need to have a chat about priorities. Will he pay that much for the two of you to have a break? Or to take the kids away?

If the second, do you have a friend or friends you may be able to have a similar break with. Maintaining friendships is so important when you have kids. If not, could you book a day at a spa for yourself and take some magazines/good book?

If the third, listen to your instinct. Do you know the friends? Is it out of character for them? Not all men want to stay in cheap places and get drunk. If they could all afford an upgrade, why not stay somewhere more comfortable? Why are you more suspicious just because it’s a nice hotel?

But it’s odd he’s been so secretive. Why didn’t he tell you where he was going? Most people would want to show their partner, especially if it was somewhere nice. How’s your relationship, generally? Has he been posting on social media while away?

Could you call the hotel on some pretext, either while he’s there or after he’s left, to find out if he was in the room alone? Doubt they’d let anything slip as they protect guests’ privacy. But maybe if you pretend you stayed there with him and inquire about an item you may have left the room, they might let something slip? Say you can’t remember the room number as your ‘boyfriend’ booked it. An indiscreet member of staff may say, “Ah, yes, Mr Imacetar and Ms Smith, you were in Room 101”.

I’d ask him to tell you about his weekend and to see pics. See how he reacts. If he has nothing to hide, he’ll happily let you scroll through all his pics.

This is another one of those tiresome AI generated posts isn’t it? They’re SO easy to spot now

This is another one of those tiresome AI generated posts isn’t it? They’re SO easy to spot now

I'd much rather my imaginary husband did this than Went on a boozy chesty Amsterdam or Prague type trip

Extras at the massage table? It's a spa hotel not a knocking shop.

Just ask for loads of pics.. Mention you might fancy it next time you go away..
If he won't he has something to hide...
In the future keep checking the spa website. He may get caught out that way. Or he may be hoping for extras at the massage table. Or his mates might and he got roped into going.

Well, you either trust him or you don't. And if you don't, then you two have issues, regardless of which hotel he stayed in.

As it happens, I wouldn't give it a second thought if this was my Dh. We both, travelling together or apart, always aim to book hotels with spa facilities. Not because we want massages or treatments, but because we like to use the gym, pool, sauna/steam room and jacuzzi.

If my husband booked a spa hotel it would definitely ring alarm bells for me because it's just not his thing. Plus £600 isn't all that cheap so unless there was prior discussion I wouldn't be thrilled about that either.

He's often gone camping on some sort of bike thing which is the kind of thing he's into and I'm most definitely not and very much "give me a spa, the nicer the better"

Oops 😬 I thought she was just annoyed that he was getting a lovely weekend to relax in luxury while she wrangled kids and dog

Exactly. And using the spa facilities at your hotel after an active day is not having "a spa weekend" (which people on here seem to associate with women only or couples). My DH would definitely use such facilities, but I suppose only OP knows her DH and what she thinks he would/wouldn't do.

I’ve been to the the Lakes Spa hotels, they are lovely hotels with nice restaurants and swimming pools, jacuzzis etc. My partner and his business partner (both male) loved the spa bit but it was done after a day of cycling/walking and they had a few beers in the bar area after.
Some men would enjoy this kind of break.

If your DH is cagey and vague that’s different and I can see why alarm bells would be ringing.

It's so funny to me that a spa weekend with friends is a cause of such suspicion. My husband had a spa weekend for his stag do 😂

Clearly this isn't the norm and he should have been knocking back pints in a cheap Spanish resort to avoid suspicion.

I guess it depends on whether they’re still ‘lads’ or they’ve grown up a bit really? I’d be more confused if my DH told me he was going on a loud lads weekend away 😂 He’d hate every second of that! But he is partial to a nice spa hotel.

I think it's both. She was shocked to see how much he'd spent when he'd told her it would be "cheap and cheerful" and now she knows where he's booked and seems to have concluded that he's on a "spa break" because he's gone to a hotel with spa facilities (as so many do) and thinks that's odd with a bunch of mates. I guess only OP can know if this is something her DH would do.

Unless they haven’t agreed to be in an open marriage… OP thinks he’s taken a woman to the hotel after all

Ask for pictures of his friends to prove he’s with them. Not fair about the cost unless you are getting to do the same.

So he's there now? It's not a weekend away?

Presumably he's had to use annual leave to facilitate this trip?

Sorry, I don’t understand - is it that you can’t afford the upgrade so you’re pissed off he’s living the life of Riley up in the Lakes while you’re stuck doing the drudgework at home? In which case, yeah, I get it. If him upgrading means you can’t go away to let off steam yourself when he’s back, then I’d be pissed off too.

If you can both afford it though, I don’t see an issue unless you think he’s doing a fucking terrible job of covering up an affair. If your only reason for thinking that is just that it’s a fancy spa hotel, I know LOADS of guys who would go to one with their mates and see it as a break. My male mates have all hit the point where boozing it up all weekend somewhere cheap and cheerful doesn’t have the same appeal as it did even a decade ago (and if one of his mates has hurt his back, they’re probably the same age 😂). Way more likely to hit up a spa hotel, especially if it has a decent pool, sauna and golf course attached!

But honestly, your one opening post left more questions than answers, so I genuinely haven't a clue what’s got you so annoyed.