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Original poster

My mum doesn’t make time for my children…

54 replies

Thuraya17 · 08/07/2025 17:38

I can’t believe I’m writing this because it’s never a situation I thought I would find myself in. Long story short, we live abroad and my mum doesn’t get to see the children often. However, she talks all of the time about how much she adores them, she buys them gifts etc. But when she visits us, she kind of does her own thing, doesn’t really seem so interested in going out with the kids to kid friendly things, doesn’t consider nap times at all and whether children will be grumpy, thinks I should just crack on with whatever she wants to do and if they don’t sleep it’s fine. Which to a certain degree I understand but not 0 consideration at all.

Anyway, I brought it up to her and she said it’s because we live abroad. So, I decided to go home for a few months to allow my family ample time with the kids, I want them to grow up knowing their family and my husband was super busy with work anyway so I got his blessing to go ahead. We FaceTime him multiple times a day but he did really miss us and I did feel kind of guilty.

With that said, in the months we’ve been home, although other family members have made the effort, my mum still hasn’t made time for the kids. I’m not talking about hasn’t done elaborate days out, I’m talking can’t spend 5 minutes at the local playground because she’s busy but I see her watching series for an hour and sitting on her phone for 30 mins. I’m just frustrated, I’m not asking for childcare, I want to go with you, I just want you to join us. I know she loves them and she compliments them and sings their praises all day but won’t spare a morning or an afternoon to come and do something fun for the kids with us.

OP posts:
Floyd45 · 08/07/2025 19:26

Unfortunately some DPs are like that- both my DPs and DS’ DPs were and it’s meant that we hardly see them. Now our DCs are grown up their grandparents are desperate to spend time with them and my DCs just aren’t interested because they feel they don’t really have a relationship with them. My DM was lamenting the other day that it felt like she was a stranger to them and I thought “well you reap what you sow”…. Look on the bright side though, as they get older I’m certainly not going to feel a sense of obligation to look after them as we just don’t have that sort of relationship.

TheEponymousGrub · 08/07/2025 18:31

Have you gently said something like:
Mum, the kids would love it if you would do more things along with us. I’m not asking for childcare, I just want you to join us when you're not busy. You could have come to the local playground with us instead of spending this afternoon o your phone or on Netflix

Littletreefrog · 08/07/2025 18:30

Some people are just not bothered and there is not a lot you can do about it. My DPs live 2 hours away, both retired, perfectly capable and think nothing of driving for hours to go on day trips and holidays. I can count on one hand the number rof times they have visited their two grandchildren and nthe oldest is 18 now! They also don't send cards or call on birthdays etc.

I would concentrate on the family that is bothered and stop trying to force her to be someone she obviously isn't even though I do acknowledge it's a very upsetting position to be in

Modernme · 08/07/2025 18:24

Its up to her what she does with her time now.
Her child raising days are over they are your children.