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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say I couldn’t have been with someone whose salary didn’t allow me to take a year off?

37 replies

ForElatedSeal · 08/07/2025 17:01

Whether it was for maternity leave, career transition, or just a break - financial breathing room has always been important to me in a partner. It’s not about laziness, it’s about life design.

AIBU to think compatibility includes financial vision, not just feelings?

OP posts:
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Blushingm · 08/07/2025 18:26

You should have enough behind you if this is your choice - why should you expect someone to subsidise you?

Jackreacherstrousers · 08/07/2025 18:23

NotrialNodeal · 08/07/2025 17:04

Why isn't your ambition to be able to have enough behind yourself so that you don't need to rely on a partner financially?

This exactly.🙄

notahappycabbage · 08/07/2025 18:21

Yet another ChatGPT post.

Modernme · 08/07/2025 18:21

I dont look at men or women like they are ATMs.
I would not want to be look at in the same way.
Its like using people.

Whaleandsnail6 · 08/07/2025 17:58

Well you can choose what ever you want from a partner, however, personally I think thats not the best way to judge a new partner

Why not save your own money to fund your year off?

Are you also willing to extend this belief to accepting a new partner asking the same from you, so them asking you to fund their year off?

I mean, collectively earning enough for 2 adults to take a year off sounds amazing but , certainly in my circle, unrealistic so I wouldn't be basing my potential husband on their ability to fund this

StMarie4me · 08/07/2025 17:54

Bot

hopspot · 08/07/2025 17:54

XenoBitch · 08/07/2025 17:35

This seems rather grabby and entitled to me.
Earn enough of your own money to take time off.

How would you feel if it was reversed?

This.

FourLove · 08/07/2025 17:50

The writing style and user name look like ChatGPT. Does anyone know what the point of these threads are, where the first post is a provocative question and the OP never posts again?

IDontLikeMondays88 · 08/07/2025 17:36

I earn my own money which allowed me to take a year off.
if men took the same view then you wouldn’t be very dateable

XenoBitch · 08/07/2025 17:35

This seems rather grabby and entitled to me.
Earn enough of your own money to take time off.

How would you feel if it was reversed?

BernardButlersBra · 08/07/2025 17:34

Are you in a position to fund their year off then?

SwearyYellowStartish · 08/07/2025 17:32

Why can’t your salary and financial nous pay for you to have a year off? Leech.

WilfredsPies · 08/07/2025 17:23

It’s not unreasonable if someone else’s money is an important factor to you. I do hope, however, that you’re prepared for the fact that your choices may attract the sort of partner who would have similar expectations for you?

SleeplessInWherever · 08/07/2025 17:20

Do you know, I love that idea.

Had a fairly boring work day today, going to tell my partner I’m taking the next 5 years off. Effective now. Can’t wait to see how hard he laughs.

Get some bloody independence 😂.

Maddy70 · 08/07/2025 17:19

It's up to you but that doesn't seem a robust reason for a relationship tbh

Hankunamatata · 08/07/2025 17:18

Myself and dh saved so I could take the year off. Team effort

Nothing in life is guaranteed. Friends dh was made redundant when she was pregnant

KimberleyClark · 08/07/2025 17:17

You would expect to have a year off at someone else’s expense?

cestlavielife · 08/07/2025 17:17

I had 16 weeks off on full pay for maternity leave.
(Back in the day) . So someone else funding me was not a question.
Up to you to get a job which has good mat pay . not just depend on your spouse.
But equally you can of course tell prospective partners that you expect them to fund a year off when you feel like it

ilovesooty · 08/07/2025 17:13

StrawberryCranberry · 08/07/2025 17:07

You can choose not to be with someone for any reason you like.

Of course. It's your choice not to be with someone if their salary isn't high enough to bankroll you I guess. Just as long as you make this clear to them so they don't waste their time.

MushMonster · 08/07/2025 17:12

To be happy, you need to respect and love your partner. His bank balance is not important for many many many women, who save enough to take a year off if needed.
I do want a man who strives to provide indeed. But in the current situation, two wages are needed to have a decent live in most parts of UK. So, we have to be independant and team players. Both women and men. That is the reality of it.

Will you be happy for him to take a year off work? To find himself? In instagram influencer style?

IwasDueANameChange · 08/07/2025 17:12

But what about your own salary allowing you to take a year off?

Mine did for both my maternity leaves.

SummerInSun · 08/07/2025 17:12

I worked bloody hard to get a job where the maternity pay was good enough and my salary high enough and I had sufficient savings that I could have afforded the year off myself. Maybe instead of expecting a man to wholly support you for a year, you should do that?!

Or maybe instead you shouldn’t take a silly extreme position either way and realise that if you are having a child with someone you work this sort of thing out in the round, looking at both incomes and what you both want. Maybe the father of your children would like to spilt the year off nine months / three months for example.

WorcsEdu · 08/07/2025 17:11

Admittedly, I would have been heartbroken if I could not have taken a year or so maternity leave after the birth of each of our children. As a couple, we planned for it. I can’t imagine I would have procreated with a person who I didn’t plan this with. This is why it is important to get to know each other’s views/resources for big life decisions prior to getting pregnant.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 08/07/2025 17:08

Does that mean that none of us single people deserve to do any of those things? Since we don't have a lovely partner to carry us for the duration?

SleeplessInWherever · 08/07/2025 17:07

Swiftie1878 · 08/07/2025 17:07

Not unreasonable at all! I’m sure there are thousands of potential partners out there looking for someone just like you who expects them to finance a year of their life so they can have a rest.

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😂😂

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