To feel let down by DH on this holiday?

This

she could have drowned

if he really wanted to watch football he should have taken her to bar with him

hotels don’t work out with families aka husbands like this

a villa may be better so kids can go for a sleep and you still be by pool with dd

What level of self absorption do you have to have to believe your desire for a drink is more important than your child's safety ?

He's an unfit parent and doesn't deserve the privilege of having children.
I would just have the rest of your holiday as if he isn't there, he might as well not be for all the use he is, so you and the kids do your own thing make plans you enjoy and leave him to his own devices. It will be hard work for you but probably less work than trying to chivvy a selfish bastard into doing the bare minimum and ending up doing it yourself anyway.

Then when you get home I would think about whether you want to carry a dead weight around with you for the rest of your life.

Sorry OP but that woukd be the end for me. Try to enjoy the rest of your holiday but I'd be making plans for when you get back. He sounds like a massive tosser and you'd probably find it easier on your own

This is absolutely dreadful and so, so unacceptable- both the leaving your dc and the going out on a bender. I’d have to leave early and come home. What an absolute arsehole. You all deserve better.

There's being a bit lazy and useless, and there's being so fucking selfish and feckless that you endanger your child. Anything could have happened while he fucked off to the bar.

See this is a real shame. We did a foreign holiday every year and it was always just brilliant. The kids loved being outside all day, enjoyed the pool, loved the beach, we had a gorgeous time. But the parenting was shared 50/50, I never felt like I was doing it alone or that my husband couldn’t be trusted with the kids.

Men get away with what they can get away with.
My DH Leaving my DD unattended at a swimming pool would be a relationship defining moment for me. It is no good getting angry (although I would be incandescent) you need to sit down and discuss this calmly and rationally. If your DH does not see the error of his ways then perhaps some serious counselling is needed when you get home.
Sadly it sounds like your DH does not want to be a parent, only you know if you are prepared to accept his attitude towards parenting. Any man who didn't consider the safety of his children paramount is not worthy of being a parent in my view.
OP what you accept will continue so you have to make your DH aware he has crossed a line.

He left your 7 year old DD on her own, by the swimming pool, to go off to watch a stupid game of football. Rather than apologise and admit he'd done a really dumb and dangerous thing he doubled-down and defended the indefensible, then pissed off to get drunk, leaving you with 3 kids to manage.

He's now made it so they you cannot trust him to look after your children, so he'll be more 'hands off' than ever, won't he, and you'll be carrying that load.

You might as well be without him for all the use he is.

No remorse from him! He genuinely doesn’t seem to realise that he could’ve returned from the bar to find his daughter floating face down.

We all make bad decisions sometimes but we learn from them. This was a very, very bad decision and he has learnt nothing.

He’s always had a bit of a “hands off” approach to parenting

What a surprise.

I think you need to be clear he has crossed a major line and you will be thinking about what you want going forward and you suggest he does the same.

If you genuinely are considering leaving him I’d start documenting incidents like this in detail in diary form.

You might need to refer to them in the future if you split up and go through court.

Don't worry, you're not alone - that was my thought too. And I'd have acted the dumb f&%k afterwards, rather than pointed out his mistake. Other people stew in their own juices at a lot higher temperature than when you try to apply the heat. I'd have just let him learn from that sheer effing panic.

I dont like sulky men but I would try and find a better atmosphere as I would want the holiday salvaged.

Our first holiday when dc1 was 1 we went with another family & same age child. On about day 3 the other mum & me realised we were doing all the grunt work re the children re feeding, cleaning up after them & getting up with them. Well, we blew a fuse!!! Both had a go at our respective dhs who were in bits after being out the night before & we headed out ourselves for a meal & left them to it.

From then on for all holidays when our 3 kids small we took turns for lie ins & cooking & organising meals to ensure both get a bit of a break on holiday. That was 17 years ago but we still talk about how we totally lost the plot with them on that first one!!!

Sometimes they just need to be told!!!

Well obviously she can't do that because he will not keep the children safe

I get that you (annoyingly) can’t trust him enough for you to go off for a break but could you tell him that you’re reading a book/ having a rest by the pool while he is on full parenting duty?

You then need to properly address his lazy arse when he gets home. Get to doing 50-50 childcare when not working. If he won’t do this you need to consider whether he respects you at all. I suspect you already know the answer to whether he respects you…

Honestly OP, this would be something that had me revisiting the whole relationship. If this is a reflection of his normal parenting style its not a surprise you're running on fumes

He is a cunt.
That would be it for me.

Fucking hell OP, your DD could've been the next Madeleine McCann. I suggest you lose the husband and never, ever trust him again with your precious children.

I don’t think he even realises how close I am to being completely done.

Why are you not completely done?

Be honest, what does he add to your life?

Be honest, how much day to day workload would go away without him?

He left your child next to a hotel pool to go drinking. He left you all in a hotel room, to go drinking.

As a result of this he's not speaking to you?

How much childcare is he avoiding as a result of ignoring you?

Selfish idiot is putting it mildly.

i have a 7 year old DC and hell would freeze over before I left them unattended in a foreign country to go drinking at a bar! I would be absolutely livid at that alone let alone anything else. Does he not have any sense at all that this was a dangerous decision? It’s all well and good being the “relaxed” parent when the other parent has to shoulder literally all of the burden of responsibility (which it sounds like you are doing).

I would try and get through the holiday by keeping your cool and doing a bit of grey rock. When you get back have a proper think about whether this marriage is going to work for you in the long term and talk to him when the kids aren’t around. Perhaps her realises or perhaps he doesn’t but something has to give.

Why couldn't he take her with him to the bar and buy her a coke, then come back and have them on your loungers? Isn't that what most people do? Why does he need to be spending so much time sitting alone in various bars?

I'd be raging over the leaving her unattended by itself let alone the rest of it.

I'd tell you to go home early but it sounds like he'd love you to do that so he can spend a week sat on his arse drinking beer without any childcare. Sorry OP sounds shit all round.

Yanbu. We did one foreign holiday when kids were little as we discovered it wasnt worth the chnage of routines or stress. On no planet would dh disappeared drinking. Tbh neither of us drank much as kids still had us up at 6 or 7am