To feel let down by DH on this holiday?

This really. Why not just see it as the final straw. He's not on the team so just be done.

He's crap at home and crap on holiday. At least on your own, you can have a bit of control over your own life.

I would be beyond furious with him. Let him life the single life if it's so important he would risk your 7yo to get it.

Your DH needs to read this and then step up. Potentially you can each give the other a few half days off to relax when the other agrees to take all the kids, but obviously his behaviour is rubbish and needs to change. Also regarding your daughter, completely irresponsible, she could have fallen in the water or anything. You need to be able to trust he will parent.

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/vacation-or-trip-a-helpful-guide-for-parents_b_7789310

@Soulfulunfurling yes they were quite selfish growing up. On holiday again when I was about 7 they left db and me in the caravan to have a drink in the pub about 5 minutes away. We were meant to be asleep but I woke up and went in search of them! I did go into the pub and got told off. Not many mothers worked in those days and we had moved out of the city to a 'nice' suburb so my nana couldn't keep an eye on us. My db died last year and I really miss him, we were very close given our upbringing.

1. Family holidays with young children are quite full on, you don't really get much of a break when you're away, no. That should go for both of you though, not just you.

1. There is absolutely no way anyone with a pinch of sense, would leave a 7 year old unattended around the pool?? I can't even think of 1 reason where this would be dismissed as 'over reacting'. That's actually a wild thing to say!!

That would absolutely ruin my holiday, I'd be fuming because it is just totally unacceptable. I'm sorry you're having such a shitty time. Considering he is already gas lighting you into questioning whether you're in the wrong here it seems as though a conversation about it would be pointless.

YAVMNBU though, no part of this (from what you've written) is your fault.

What kind of father leaves a 7 year old by a pool to go to the bar and watch TV??

I couldn’t be with such an idiot.

@nomoremsniceperson yes, different times and a familiar place. My exdh has a lot in common with op's dh minus the drinking. I can't believe that he wouldn't have stayed with his dd. Exdh has now turned into a helicopter parent now the youngest is 17 so still getting it wrong!

I think this is besides the point tbh. Why doesn't this man have any interest in spending time with his kids? Why didn't he offer to do something nice and one-on-one with his daughter and instead just wander off like a cat without telling her what he was doing? My DH likes spending time with his children, especially on holiday - this man seems bored and inconvenienced by them.

I'm not a helicopter parent, I think fears of abduction in broad daylight are overblown, my kids are allowed to wander around the neighbourhood with their friends or alone during daylight hours - but by a pool kids must be attended as things can go south quickly.

I would just pack up and go home - you won’t be able to relax with so many risks and a deadbeat husband.

I'm 60 and I was definitely allowed to wander alone at the age of 7. I'd go and knock at a friend's door and we'd go to the park. I also walked to school with my 12 month younger brother which was about a mile away - there was a lollipop lady to cross the busiest road. I had the doorkey on a string around my neck as both our parents worked full-time. By about 10 I'd have been expected to have the potatoes peeled (we always had potatoes) before they got back from work. When I was 6 we went on a 6 week cruise and my db and I just roamed free most of the time.

similar age here too but I wasn’t allowed to roam - sorry but you did have a neglectful childhood.

there were many child rapes, murders and fatal accident in those days too

Unfortunately, I agree.

He’s always had a bit of a “hands off” approach to parenting

And yet women continue to have more children with these kind of men

If you do ever have sex with him again make sure you have watertight contraception.

Extremely irresponsible to do this, he can't be trusted to keep them safe at all

Three kids with an absolutely shit Dad, I feel for them and you! I’m afraid the pool thing would be divorce proceedings for me! She could have easily drowned or been taken.

You parents are negligent - sorry. You sound like a latchkey child which was not unusual in the times you describe. Yes you survived but you were neglected even if it felt normal to you. Leaving young children to roam a cruise alone is a safe guarding issue for so many reasons.

A decent man would’ve enjoyed some time playing with DD in the pool, then taken her for a drink or ice cream. He then would have helped with baths/showers and gone with you for dinner. Followed by a wander round and drinks on the balcony. Is this new behaviour?

I'm 60 and I was definitely allowed to wander alone at the age of 7. I'd go and knock at a friend's door and we'd go to the park. I also walked to school with my 12 month younger brother which was about a mile away - there was a lollipop lady to cross the busiest road. I had the doorkey on a string around my neck as both our parents worked full-time. By about 10 I'd have been expected to have the potatoes peeled (we always had potatoes) before they got back from work. When I was 6 we went on a 6 week cruise and my db and I just roamed free most of the time.

Leaving your dd by a pool is a massive drowning risk or she could just as easily have been abducted at such a young age. Anyone could have offered to take her to you - and put her in a car.

It sounds like he was looking for a row so he could go out and drink. Does he have a drinking problem? Because who leaves their young child unattended to go to a bar. You really can’t trust him.

I would either pack up and leave, if you are finding it impossible to manage solo parenting in a place with so many risks, which is what you are doing. Or stay where you are, and sort this out when you get home. This isn’t ideal as I don’t know how you move on from what he has done to your dd. Thank god she is okay, no thanks to him.

You really do deserve so much more than this, he is checked out and is a terrible father.

I let my kids walk home from school alone or go alone to the playground with friends or to the supermarket or bakery; I think helicopter parenting is wrong and I let them have a good bit of physical freedom.

But next to a pool anything can happen and it's important for a parent to be present.

Plus on holiday my DH loves to spend time with his kids, why is this man so bored by family life, why does he show so little interest in being with them (unless he can put it on Instagram) or doing anything to help?

This situation is not normal and OP is right to be upset.

I'm so sorry OP. What a deadbeat he is! And to think you even had to ask if you're the one BU when he left your DD unattended BY A POOL and then went out and got drunk alone last night. He sounds desperately selfish and immature.

You need to be honest with him that you are at the end of your tether.

Outrageously poor parenting. Try to enjoy the rest of the holiday then seriously consider if you can stay with such an idiot.

So, what you're saying is she deserves it as she should've known? Fucking hell. 🤦‍♀️

If they’re all in the same room I doubt they are shagging anyway so that’s hardly a threat

Or even a second.,

@Huntergy

https://www.swimnow.co.uk/guide/swimming-pool-safety-tips-for-kids/

Or - the hotel will have swimming pool rules? I’d get the manager to tell him too. Embarrass him.

It’s the fact that he still thinks he is in the right - it would really concern me. How can you trust him to take them out anywhere?

This.

YANBU.

He's a selfish, immature asshole.