Parents who admit to extreme gender disappointment makes me shudder

I don’t understand any extreme of it. A particular sex is not guaranteed; how can someone not know or have anticipated that fact beats me.

This exactly what happened to me...my mother wanted me to be a girly girl and wear the 'pretty frocks' she made and learn to dance. Instead I wore my brother's old clothes, refused to wear dresses and was very sporty. I was was a bitter disappointment...

The women who are so desperate for girls seem to make huge assumptions about what that girl will be like, and not consider she might not live up to their dream...

I knew someone who thought that women who had boys weren’t “real” mothers.

She only had girls, and said she wouldn’t have another baby because she couldn’t “risk” it being a boy, because then she’d have to have it adopted.

She was a strange one.

I do remember however being very surprised when DD was handed to me after my C/S and they told me she was a girl, so maybe that also makes me a terrible person 😂 we didn't find out on our scans, but the whole pregnancy I was absolutely convinced in my gut she was a boy. Can't even tell you why it was just the feeling I had. We absolutely didn't have a preference but I just remember thinking "Pff funny joke, I know it's not a girl!" But then I had also had a very sudden/emergency C/S pre-term and was also in fairly complete denial that I had even given birth at all by that point because it was all so quick! I'm pg with no2 at the moment and my gut is convinced it's a girl this time, so naturally I'm assuming it's a boy because obviously my gut instinct is absolute shite

I'm starting to wonder if we should go back to the days when you weren't told the sex of the baby, exceptions could be made for medical reasons (such as genetic diseases) obviously. I didn't find out with any of my 3, the first two because it wasn't standard practice then, the third I chose not to know because a surprise at the birth is actually quite nice.

Anyone who only wants a child of one sex and not the other - except for medical reasons relating to inherited conditions - isn't fit to be a parent.

I think it depends. Some people are so caught up in their self-centred little world that they don't realise how thankful they should be for what they have.

But there's also gender disappointment that's way more complicated than that and can link to mental health issues, past trauma at the hands of a specific sex, association with that person's own sex being abused therefore fearful of a baby of the same sex also being abused etc. Or as the pp described, the trauma of the desth of another baby. It's not even predictable as they issues may only rear up during pregnancy so couldn't necessarily be dealt with in advance.

Personally I see more women than men struggling with gender disappointment. While the sperm gives the X or Y, there's some evidence that the egg actually selects the sperm rather than being passively fertilised by the first sperm there. That said outside of PGD neither parent has active control over if it’s an X or Y sperm so it really doesn’t matter whether the it’s the sperm which provides the chromosome or the egg which selects a sperm that has that chromosome. Neither the mother or father is to ‘blame’.

Totally agree
I also can't bear over the top "gender reveals" or going absolutely wild decorating an entire room pink or blue and buying matching everything before the baby is even born.
Then being "devastated" if it turns out it was the other sex because they've really bonded with their boy or girl. Scans can be wrong!
I found out with all of mine but always on the acknowledgement that we could get a surprise on the birth!

I was the much wanted daughter and grand daughter.

The problem for me was that I wasn't the girl that had been imagined. I have spent my life being a disappointment.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a preference, but I think that people should consider why their preference is what it is and the gender stereotypes that often go with that. Posting it online is too far though. If you know you have a strong preference, don’t find out in public and don’t post your disappointment you have about your child online.

Completely agree, if you have an opinion/preference you're not emotionally mature enough to have a baby.

You’re seeing these on your feed because the algorithm has decided its content you enjoy

Its all fake and designed to whip up more faux outrage, don’t fall for it.

I think that gender disappointment wouldn’t be so bad if it was 50/50 boy/girl split but it seems very unbalanced.
It’s also shocking how many men don’t realise that sperm determines biological sex.

I'm very sorry for your loss. OP is so clearly not talking about you or your extremely specific and sad circumstances. I hope you have been able to find peace and healing.

I couldn’t agree more, I think people who have an extreme preference have no business having children.

I have seen it in real life, someone I worked with has a boy, he was 12 weeks old before she would bath him and kept posting about her disappointment on social media.

she split up with her husband when he was about 10 and the child is with the dad 95% on the time. He’s 17 now and apparently always knew how she felt.

I find it incredibly icky when people continually have kids just to get a specific gender. Like what better way to tell your other 5 boys that you wouldn't have wanted them let alone tried to conceive them if you weren't so incredibly desperate for a girl (or vice versa naturally)

I always assume said families are really messed up behind doors and perhaps just hide it very well, as I can't imagine the parents having that kind of attitude and it NOT affecting the undesired children in some capacity

I agree. All that matters is the baby is healthy and happy. A mild preference is fine, shock and horror isn’t.

Totally agree. It's always based on horrible stereotypes and so often it's poor baby boys being mourned because a mother had some fantasy of a little Mini Me Best Friend Princess and can't find it in herself to be excited about a boy. It's really awful.

I hope that in most cases it resolves once the baby is born but sometimes it doesn't and it's so sad for the kids.

My husband and I are struggling with infertility and doing ivf. Two friends have told us they are pregnant and then followed up with their disappointment at expecting boys not girls. Not extreme by any means. But read the room gang? Especially as while we (obviously in the circs!) would just love a healthy baby if we had to share a preference it would probably be for a boy!

Oh dear, you wouldn't like me then. During my entire pregnancy I was in total spiralling, almost suicidal, panic regarding the sex of my unborn child. It was so bad I couldn't even hold the baby once born despite it being the sex I actually wanted (I didn't have sex scans and waited until birth).

Multiple health professionals put it down to the death of my other baby. The mind is exceedingly powerful and cannot always be diverted by logic. Or even your judgmental ick.

I agree it can be taboo. But ultimately people can’t help how they feel. To make your disappointment so obvious especially on social media is where I draw the line.

I totally understand people can have strong preference though, but it’s hard to hear for people who have trouble conceiving or have lost a child etc

The trying one more time reminds me of people with a gambling addiction!

That’s awful! Just imagine if her son saw that video in the future.