Parents who admit to extreme gender disappointment makes me shudder

All very well fighting for daughters but someone needs to be raising sons to be feminists or it’ll be defence forever.

I agree OP. People can’t help how they feel but in these situations I think it’s cruel to have a child and risk a 50% chance you’ll be devastated.

I had a very slight preference for a girl. It’s what I imagined when I imagined having a baby. However I felt no disappointment at finding out he was a boy. I felt happy and excited and soon I couldn’t imagine anything other than a boy.

When people have extreme gender disappointment I think it’s 99.9% of the time that they have really significant unresolved trauma. Often it’s from childhood and they’re trying to recreate or fix or avoid a dynamic they had with their own parents.

I don’t think people should feel ashamed of extreme gender disappointment - I think it should be a massive alarm bell that they need therapy and to deal with whatever issues they are holding onto.

Obviously ideally that happens before you decide to have a child. I find it hard to imagine they had no idea they’d feel this way when choosing to get pregnant. I think often they know but just do it anyway and hope they have what they want which is a real shame.

I don't know anyone IRL who talks like this. Best to just avoid those kinds of posters/themes. My feeds are full of things I love - arty stuff, gymnastics, cats, comedians I like, views of places I love... I never see these stupid videos so wonder what people are following to be seeing so many.

I agree with you OP - I feel like it’s the sort of thing only felt by the blissfully fertile who have never struggled or lost. Having a baby - any baby - is a gift.

My son was very boyish as a child but turned out to be an artist and creative professionally and loves animals especially cats.
He is a gentle soul, I can't see how a girl could have been any better than that.

It’s ridiculous. I have 2 boys. I have a brother and all my cousins are 1 boy and 1 girl families. None if the siblings have ever been as close as my (now adult) sons are. I see many benefits to same sex siblings. So, I don’t think the people who are telling you this can possibly understand what they might be ‘missing’ by having the family that you have. Some people are just really unintelligent.

Agreed. It's so indulgent and immature. The gender reveal videos when they start crying and / or going mental do amuse me -it's a 50/50 chance about what gender you get. I do feel sorry for the children if they ever end up seeing them

100% agree. I have 3 boys and the number of people who have asked me over the years if I'll try again for a girl is crazy. And not just ask once, ask over and over and give 'reasons' why I'm missing out.

https://www.economist.com/leaders/2025/06/05/the-stunning-decline-of-the-preference-for-having-boys

great article here about this weird phenomenon globally. Sobering about gendercide in so many countries where girls are selectively aborted it skews the population leading to increase in rape etc yet the West has developed a preference for girls.

I have two of each but I can imagine how tempting it would be to 'go for one more' if they were all the same gender. However I always think of those who are unable to have any dc and for those who have had an ill child. At the end of the day it just goes to show that it's all superficial really . But I do have empathy for the Mums who long for the opposite of what they have. It is a longing that they may never fulfill.

Yes OP, I will never understand having such a preference that it upsets someone when they do not have a baby that is the sex they wanted. I’ve seen the damage opinions like this can have. My MIL has 3 boys, and she has never hidden the fact that she only had her third child because she was desperately hoping for a girl. Her youngest grew up being told that, and even though all her sons are now in their 30’s and 40’s, she still talks about how sad she is that she never got to raise a daughter. Her youngest is an alcoholic and has struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts for years - I’m sure there is more to it than the things his mother has said to him over the years, but I can imagine 35+ years of being told you were a disappointment to your mother from the second she saw what was between his legs has left a dreadful scar on his self esteem and mental wellbeing. It can’t have been nice either for my husband and his other brother either - that she did not feel complete as a mother with “only” boys to raise. Shocking behavior and so lacking in self awareness.

I think we'd be doing much better as a society if mothers DID worry more that their boys could grow up to be violent, abusive etc instead of acting like it's an impossibility.

I agree

I knew someone who thought you couldn’t be a proper feminist unless you had a daughter to fight for. Very strange.

I have a little boy who is not a stereotypical boy at all and neuro-diverse, so it's a good job we had no expectations of who he would be based on his gender. You get what you're given.

Tbh I don't even understand the mindset behind mild gender disappointment. I just found out the sex of my baby yesterday and while I was excited to know, I was completely indifferent to whether it was a boy or girl.

I'm not sure what people are picturing when they say they want, for example, a girl. Having a girl doesn't guarantee that your daughter will like clothes shopping, or chatting about boys, or going dancing or whatever mother-daughter activities you're picturing.

Likewise having a boy doesn't mean that they will like sports or whatever.

I think it makes more sense to say "I want a child who will like sports like I do" than saying "I want a boy/girl".

Agree. It’s weird.

I know of someone who had eight boys in there pursuit for a girl admitted in front of them that they wanted a girl moved across the country to be with another man to try for a girl (with the other children) now has granddaughters and I hope they are content because when her last one came out as a boy my ds who was quite young at the time said when is she trying for another baby then? Because it was normal to them "boy disappointment" try again

I agree.

This is exactly how I feel - we have 2 boys and I would have loved a girl but our 2 boys have been wonderful and are now amazing men - how could I regret that! My mum did said I would never be happy without a daughter and I was so upset with her that things cooled for a few months as a child is not meant to fill a hole in you but add to your family and joy

I agree OP. I recently gave birth to my 2nd son and I was absolutely delighted to be having another boy. I wasn't disappointed at all to not be having a girl and I genuinely don't feel I'm missing out in anything by not having a daughter. Yet I've lost track of the amount of people who told me when I was pregnant "are you going to try for a girl for your third" or "you might get lucky next time". This was even said to me by a doctor in the hospital!

I find it so offensive. I'm not even wanting a 3rd child, there's nothing wrong with having two boys and even if I had a third (which won't be happening), it could just easily be another boy which I'd be delighted at!

How thick is she?!

I totally agree. I saw a gender reveal video🤮 and after 4 girls it was a boy. They made such a big deal that they were finally getting a boy. It was disgusting and I did comment it wasn't nice for the girls that they had to see and to feel less than. My God I got slated for months.
I have a relative who had 3 girls and carried on to get a boy, she got one and it was awful to see how different she treated him to the girls. We no longer see them fortunately.
I don't watch them anymore they just wind me up.