Parents who admit to extreme gender disappointment makes me shudder

I think when people experience severe gender disappointment, there’s often something else behind it - perhaps bereavement, a very bad relationship with a parent or sibling of that sex, or previous abuse by men, for example. And I think it’s an indication that they may need some help or therapy.

I really wanted boys - although I wouldn’t say it was severe, I would have been happy with a girl - and I think that can probably be traced back to a) a very strained relationship with my mother and b) some other difficulties in teenage years that I wouldn’t want to parent a girl through.

Separate to that, though, anyone who posts dramatic emotional reaction videos online needs therapy.

Being in a house or office full of women/females is one of my worst nightmares- I can't imagine how I'd cope with a load of daughters! (I'm a woman btw)

There was a post a few years ago where a mum with three daughters said how she hated going out with all 3 of them, because she ‘knew she got pitying looks from people with both genders’ and she hated having to see families with mixed genders or boys out, as she’d been so desperate for a boy. (This was in the US- it seems more common that girls are favoured in the UK, when people have a preference).

I’m one of 3 girls, and it made me think- how awful it would have been if my mum had felt like that about us, how self-absorbed too really, not to mention utterly ridiculous! I know you feel how you feel- but when you have kids, you have a responsibility to do something about feelings they are going to have a detrimental impact on your own children!

Worst part is there's a decent chance her son's classmates will find that video one day and pass it around. The school bullies will be taunting him about how his mum didn't want him. And his mum won't have a leg to stand on to deny it.

That's completely different, not because you're raising boys they will go on to abuse women for sure. Opposite, boys being raised nowadays should be boys taught to respect women, treat them as equal, etc. you're stereotyping boys.

Why do people keep watching social media content that gives them the rage?
It’s a bit like the Meghan haters who claim she should go away but obsessively watch any content featuring her 😂

I understand entirely.

I managed to avoid committing any violent acts, but I expressed myself firmly when pregnant at 40 with DS2 after 3 mcs that no child of mine was a disappointment and if anyone was disappointed they wouldn’t have much contact with baby.

I have PIL who both expressed a strong gender preference for a girl.

Sending best wishes- and hope that it works out well for you.

It's almost always mums being disappointed about having a boy, or dad's being disappointed about having a girl in my experience. Don't think I've ever seen it the other way around (although I'm sure it happens...). It very much feels like the mum wanting to impose girly dresses/make up/ballet/etc on their unborn child, and in the case of dads, being obsessed with having someone to train at football or "go for a drink at the pub" with when the child is older

My aunt, who also has three boys always says, "I wouldn't know what to do if they handed me a girl".

@Gumbo Someone else who 'gets it'. I don't like clothes shopping, I don't wear make up, my chosen mode of transport was a motorbike.

💯. My mother told me she cried when she found out I was a girl. It sucks. It deeply affected me my entire life in terms of my relationship with her. Parents do this quite often.

I understand that and that’s one of the main reason I didn’t choose to find out what I was having with my son. I didn’t have a gender preference but if I’d been told he was a little girl, and I’d thought of names for her, and bought gender specific things for her and used female pronouns for over half the time I’d known her, then given birth to a boy I think that would have been a shock and disappointment because as well as gaining a son, I’d have lost the daughter I though I was having. And the same the other way around, but it’s much more unusual as far as I know to be told it’s boy and have him actually be a girl. But as it was I was expecting a baby and got one.

This👆👆I have never met anyone with these ‘extreme’ reactions IRL and where are all these videos 🤔Surely you would only see them if looking for them online!

Also op re these videos keep showing up on your feed, depending on the channel might be worth clicking the "dont recommend this channel" button..which i do alot with all the awful ai generated videos which are rife lately

I know someone like this in real life. Were told at the scan they were having a girl. Baby arrived- it was a boy. They were devastated. Husband had a break down at work crying because his wife was so distressed it was a boy. They had decorated the nursery all pink etc and couldn't bear to go in there so friends painted it and removed the pink 'girly' things one weekend whilst they stayed with her parents.

Never mind they were blessed with a lovely and healthy baby that lots of people would long for...

Absolutely batshit.

My partner's ex wife was an extreme version of this. Desperate for a daughter, barely acknowledges their sons. It makes me feel sick.

Sure and I am teaching my sons to be be caring, responsible men. But then the same is true for mothers to teach their daughters to be independant, strong, able young women. Whatever you get it’s your responses a parent to reach them to be a good human.

Its not an either/or game is my point. Just as many boys are bookish and academic, as there are girls who are physical and sporty.

Hence why I said average.

I’m not sure a sample size of 3 is statistically significant.

There's sooooo much more to kids than football and ponies. To boil it down to boys and girls being that two-dimentional and stereotypical is a bit dumb.

I have 3 boys, only one of them likes sports. The eldest is into music and electronics, my middle son is a reader/writer, and the youngest likes athletics (his friendship group at athletics club includes many girls btw). No a single male in my house watches football.

If I could have chosen I’d definitely have chosen a boy. That’s because I much prefer the chosen activities of the average boy than those of the average girl. Think football and cricket rather than princesses and ponies.

Of course I’d have been absolutely fine with either outcome but absolutely no problem having a preference provided it doesn’t become too extreme.

My great-grandmother was hugely disappointed that my grandmother was a girl. She sadly had 3 stillborn boys before she had my grandmother and was bitterly disappointed she was a girl, and told her that all her life. She eventually had her much-wanted boy whom she treated like a little prince, whilst my grandmother was treated like a skivvy. My poor grandmother was never told she was wanted. This is, I'm sure, why she developed Borderline Personality Disorder (which is problems forming healthy attachments, poor self-esteem, and fear of rejection), which also had a knock-on effect for my poor mum.

My heart breaks for anyone who feels rejected or less wanted by a parent. There's no way that's not going to affect your mental health.

And she should have known better than to express it to someone who had lost a full term stillborn baby girl.

I’m the youngest of 3 girls. I asked my Dad once if he’d have liked a boy when I was born he said he would, but as well as me, not instead of. I loved him for that