Parents who admit to extreme gender disappointment makes me shudder

@Motomum23 sorry to hear that. That's very sad. I know of other cases like this. I have a friend who is the 6th son.his parents just kept having children in the hope of a girl. They gave up after his younger brother.
Also my MIL makes no secret of the fact she wanted DH to be a second girl. She even talks about the fact that he was meant to be "Lucy" now. His sister has ALWAYS been the favourite.

I'm the 3rd of 4 girls - my parents wanted a boy. When I was born my dad looked at me and went back to work. I was emotionally neglected during my childhood and very obviously the scapegoat of the family.
Totally agree with you OP it's horrendous.

My ex sister in law had this & it 100% falls under mental illness I reckon so it's hard to judge as they're not really in control of it (obviously posting it online is different)

I don’t have enough time to read the entire thread (have read all of OP’s posts and some others), but just wanted to say that while I agree with majority I do also have empathy for people with strong preferences because I feel like there’s a deeply rooted cause for it. It could be abuse in childhood by one sex, their parents or grandparents drilling it into their heads so they’re psychologically scarred, pregnancy hormones causing mental health problems etc. I don’t think people with gender disappointment wake up one morning and choose to feel the way they do, I think some of them feel awful and would love to stop but don’t know how. So I think it’s wrong to judge anyone for their feelings - I just hope they can get help to overcome it and have support from people in their lives who will listen without judgment.

I also agree with poster who said you’re seeing these videos because you’ve watched similar before OP so maybe don’t click on them/report content is not for you if it triggers you. I completely understand people who cannot have children find these things incredibly difficult to hear/see so yes, know your audience and be careful what you voice out loud sometimes.
I also think many of these videos are exaggerated/fake because they know people are triggered and therefore more likely to comment/click on it.

I will admit I had slight preference while pregnant because I was losing my mum to an illness at quite a young age and she was my best friend. I was desperate to try to keep that mother-daughter bond going in another form. I was scared of voicing these feelings so held it all inside. When my firstborn came along I was momentarily stunned he was in fact a he.
I did go on to having a girl next and funnily enough I have always felt closer to my son- what I’ve realised is that connection is based on personality traits, not what’s between your legs. But some people need help coming to that realisation and that’s okay… we all struggle sometimes in life and sometimes it’s not rational because we are actually mentally unwell at the time and can’t switch off.

It would be so much better if you couldn’t find out what you were having - be grateful for a healthy baby.
So many posters referring to needing to know do they can get the nursery and clothing ready! New born babies don’t sleep in a nursery; they sleep with their parents and a nursery is just a bedroom so no special preparation required. As for clothes, let’s get away from the awful pink for a girl and blue for a boy nonsense and just buy clothes suitable for a baby

Ill admit i was pissed off discovering it was having a boy with my 1st (only because my 2 stepsons lived with us and the oldest insisted on having their own room so unless my baby was a girl it was going to have to share with the younger one who was a nightmare)
Once he was born I was over the moon with him. I had a daughter 2nd, then 2 more sons ( who i absolutely adore also)

100% agree @Lavenderforest .

Someone with the disordered thinking you describe in your OP is frankly too sexist to be a fit parent and should have mandatory training in how not to let sexist stereotypes destroy your children's wellbeing.

Exactly this. And if you feel so strongly that men are awful that you'd be disappointed to have a son then don't have a child. Chances are if you DO have a boy you'll end up messing him up with your disappointment and stereotyping and he'll be more likely to grow up with issues.

Your 4 year old will go far.

I predict she would make a good PM.

Also, why do people ask children what sex they would prefer their new sibling to be? Aren't you setting them up to set their heart on one sex and then be disappointed. When I was pregnant we just told my four year old DD that Mummy was growing a baby in her tummy. She was asked by numerous people whether she wanted a baby brother or a baby sister ... she used to give them a withering look and say "you don't get to choose, you know, you just get whatever they give you when you get to the hospital"

@AutumnFoxe I’ve just given birth to a little boy so I’ve been on the pregnancy boards regularly and there is a thread almost every week of someone disappointed they are having a boy. The reasons for their disappointment are never ever “I’m worried that they will be a perpetrator of violent crimes”
it’s usually things like “grandchildren aren’t as close to their grandparents on the fathers side” or “boys are messy” , “I hate sports” and other ridiculous reasons.

Sure, men are more likely to commit violent crimes than women. They're also more likely to be on the front lines in an emergency situation i.e. firefighters or soldiers protecting their country. Just think of Ukraine - they'd have been wiped out by Russia in days if it weren't for all the men (and a small minority of women) who fought back.

Yeah, makes you wonder what comes next (if the kid, further down the line, doesn't live up to what the parents' image of what their child would be like). Or if the child IS the sex they want but then isn't the stereotypical girl / boy they were imagining (if they cared that much about the sex, they must have had some very stereotyped ideas of what they sexes are like). Mothers furious that their girls don't like being dressed up / make up / dolls and pink and glitter; dads who thought they were going to take their son to the football and don't hide their disappointment when he hates all sport. Poor kids.

Its ridiculous how angry this topic makes people on Mumsnet and how they think women who experience gender disappointment should be silenced and not allowed to express their feelings. Its also funny the denial that men and women are treated differently in society, therefore making gender preference and disappointment a real and understandable phenomena.

Its also amusing the absolute hypocrisy on here. The suggestions that women want girls just to dress up and treat like dolls but they are sooooo glad they had sons because they hate girly shit.

Im into hiking and mountain biking. Have brothers. Always wanted a boy. Married a man who only has brothers. Got pregnant and was astounded when they said boy on the ultrasound that i actually got really upset and disappointed and walked out extremely upset. I cannot fully explain why but it certainly wasnt because i wanted a girly girl to dress up like a princess. As another poster said men are more likely to be the perpetrators of violent crimes, as well as getting into drugs or gangs and the weight of responsibility to ensure that doesn't happen is very real.

Honestly the people experiencing this are PREGNANT - I cried when I had the scan and got told one’s having a girl, I also cried when I opened a bag of crisps believing they were salt and vinegar when actually the bastards were cheese and onion-
hormones make everything dramatic and it’s really not the deep.

the people who have experienced this will already feel crap about their reaction and this thread isn’t going to help.

Mumsnet should be about mums supporting other mums….

I disagree. I found out the gender of both of my (very loved) DS at my 20 week scans. I always wanted a daughter, so was disappointed when I was told my second DC would also be a boy. BUT, by the time he was born I was used to the idea and very happily welcomed our second DS into the world.

I've often thought how good it was to have had that time to adjust to the news, so there wasn't a feeling of disappointment on the day he was born.

Currently pregnant with my 3rd boy, due any day now. The amount of times I've been asked if I'll try for a girl or had a head tilt is quite shocking! We are 100% done and we're all delighted to be welcoming another baby boy. I was happy either way, probably had a slight twinge of disappointment that I'll never have a daughter but honestly, it was short lived and I wasn't 'upset' as such. My house and heart is full. I don't understand the extreme disappointment either. Feel very very grateful I got to do it even once let alone 3 full term pregnancies as many don't get the same experience. I think sometimes people drop their blessings. Also aware hormones may play a huge role in how it affects some women.

People who are likely the feel that way should never get pregnant. There's a 50% chance fgs.

Your posts are full of very broad generalisations and stereotypes. Maybe the men in your life are like that and if that’s the case I feel sad for you.

@SordidSplendour 'I find it funny how we can all agree that men are responsible for the majority of women deaths, abuse, violence but God forbid we discuss where these men come from. Seeing some very typical in denial MIL responses here which is sad.'

You don't have a point to make, you are just on here to trash men. No-one is making 'typical MIL responses', you are just posting nonsensical man-hate.

No I just don't think people should be so surprised by gender disappointment as a huge amount of work needs to go into ensuring boys don't end up that way. Sadly I see most are in denial this work needs to be done, which explains why things are how they are.

That’s not what should come to mind when people find out the sex of their child. Do you think worrying that baby boys will be murderers should be encouraged following scans?

It's not at attitude, simply stating facts.

I find it funny how we can all agree that men are responsible for the majority of women deaths, abuse, violence but God forbid we discuss where these men come from. Seeing some very typical in denial MIL responses here which is sad.

I mean maybe we should all just not have children then if it’s such a worry. God forbid they would be boys.
I often wonder how women with your attitude find partners to have children with.

I can remember expressing that sort of thing when i was younger. I now work in an office full of women, and it's absolutely fine. We're all professionals, and it's an academic institution, it would honestly make no difference to me if we were men or women.

I know what people mean when they express dread at gossipy/cliquey women, but let me tell you, that sort of behaviour totally exists amongst men too. My son was telling me all about the team of male engineering apprentices yesterday - they sound like a group of gossipy old women! Its more to do with maturity and professionalism than it is about gender.