To go on holiday with DD’s, but not DS?

What do you find trigging about all of that? They are statement about your oldest child's experience in childhood versus his half siblings on both sides.

It has absolutely nothing about being against women who are no longer with the parent of their children.

I'm one. I made the same decision to marry blend and have more kids.

Key part of the sentence. I made the decision.

I therefore created a situation were one of my children lives in a very different family experience than the rest. That decision comes with consequences some very obvious some less so that the other kids dont and won't experience unless my marriage ends.

You spoke about fair not always being equal. Correct.

It isnt, fair for all your children is they have the right to a relationship with both their parents. Its unequal in that one of your children has much less time with you than the others. If you were to apply fairness to that, you need to leave your youngest with their father on regular basis with out you so they had the same level of time and access to a relationship with you as your son.

That would be unrealistic, and pretty unreasonable in what you have created in a new family structure.

You talk about statistics not being an indication that will be your child's life and experience.

Maybe not but its a massive red flag that it could meaning you have a higher level of responsibility to parent in a way to ensure that you dont add to the risk of him having negative childhood experiences in a much more complicated emotional dynamic than in most nuclear families.

Meaning things like choosing to take family holidays without him especially when it is not the only option should be far down the list of things you think are a good idea.

I feel sorry for kids who are shunted between families especially when they acquire half/step siblings courtesy of a new partner. Doesn’t matter if it’s the mum or the dad who has created the ‘new’ family.

And if one of these ‘new’ families go on holiday without him which family does the DS belong to

Ah yes, it's now the "I am above this discussion (that I started) and merely toying with you for my amusement" form of panicked deflection. It's hard to pull off without a moustache to twirl, and it's impossible when you've already made 500 posts attempting to justify and excuse yourself, including this one, and complaining about what big meanies everyone is for giving your question the answer that you didn't want.

The topic at hand is your son, much more important than your twirly-moustached amusement. Hopefully you will have taken what people have said and will not actually do this horrible and potentially very damaging thing to him. The rest is noise.

It's your son's wellbeing we're discussing. I know you think you're being incredibly cutting with your "u sound triggered" and "u sound bitter" stuff but we're not the child you're thinking of leaving behind when you go off with your second family. If you think you're hurting us with these pathetic responses, you might consider how much you'd be hurting your actual son by doing it. Surely you don't think face saving on the Internet is more important than treating your kids properly?

No, the responses would be the same.

The op’s son has suffered the breakdown of his parents’ family unit, and his mum has chosen to have more children with another man, creating a new family. By taking only her new children with her new husband on holiday, she is sending a strong (negative) message to her son, regardless of what he might be doing while they’re on a family holiday.

No. We would still tell her that she shouldn't take her daughters and husband away but not her son, and that if she wanted to reduce her recent spending, there were various cars, long haul holidays and new houses that could have been considered for price cuts before her eldest child.

This is not rocket science. Despite OP making a big fuss of how she is valiantly trying to understand different viewpoints and all that, this is not complicated. It's irrelevant what the boy does with his father, who is not related to his sisters. His mother, parent of them all, takes all her children away when she jets off with her second family, or she doesn't jet off at all.

I think a lot of the comments have stemmed from the wording of the OP. If the question had been DS is going on holiday with his dad for a week, would IBU to take my other children away at the same time then it may have got a different response. Instead it sounded like the decision was financially motivated and more a question of if DS comes none of us can go so we’re going to pick a week when he can’t come and go without him. I don’t think that is what OP intended necessarily but I think that has impacted the responses.

It's a big IF though..You've already said the dad's holiday abroad doesn't appear to be happening. Difference is if he goes with his dad why's it not fair on your two daughters?they're not his dad's kids. But he's your kid and you're considering taking his sisters on holiday without him despite him living primarily within your family unit

As I know of other people that go away without a child whilst said child goes away with the other parent, I didn’t realise that so many other people would see this as wrong as they do. So when I say about saving money, again I didn’t think so many people would be up in arms about it

I think the issue here is that you would be choosing this week on purpose. If you were invited to a wedding abroad or were given tickets to an event for a week he was at his dad’s, then it would be ok to go IMO, but choosing on purpose a week when he is away is not OK.

But he might not care about eating foreign food or seeing cultural places. Many kids aren’t interested in that sort of stuff. A holiday is a holiday to them. I would feel bad going abroad knowing that my ds was going to be at his dads all week not doing much but if I knew he was going away too it’s completely different. And it shouldn’t be about the holiday destination either (barring something like Disney World or similar).

There are so many posters tying themselves in knots and caveats here it’s become quite comical.

No never … all of you or don’t go x

Ffs, just don't leave one kid behind when you take the others away. And if you decide to ask the public whether you should and start insisting, against a 94% consensus, that it is indeed a great idea, accept that you're going to hear some stuff you don't like. If you're this stung because a bunch of strangers think your idea is bad (it is) then imagine how horrible your son will feel when his mother takes her second family and jets off without him.

The difference is that the son may also be holidaying within the UK, so if Mum and family also remain in the UK, no-one is really missing out.

If they go abroad without DS, he is missing out, because the reality is that a holiday abroad will include locations, environments, food, and experiences that aren’t readily available in one’s home country.

What’s the difference between a UK holiday and going abroad? Memories are still made, fun is still had (hopefully). I don’t understand the logic here. Most posters are saying it’s selfish, unfair, bad parenting to have an abroad holiday without him but it’s fine to go somewhere in the UK? Why?

Maybe the op should do nothing during the time her son is away. Stay indoors and stare at walls so she doesn’t damage him anymore than she already has be selfishly splitting up with the kids dad.

Yes. ⬆️ But he's not. Which you know. So......

You keep changing your viewpoint, that he could possibly be going on holiday with his dads family, then maybe not??
Regardless of the variables, going away without him when he's only 14 is a crappy thing to do.

There are plenty of fun trips you could take within the UK while DS is with his Dad. An overseas trip without him seems highly unfair. If you can’t afford to go abroad with all three kids, wait and save until you can.

If not, DS will likely remember you going away without him far more than any fun things he gets to do with his Dad, and could lead to insecurity about his place in your ‘New’ family.

OP, have you asked your DS what he thinks about it? He may not be bothered at all or he might be upset. Maybe say to him we were thinking of taking a trip when you are with your dad but didn't want you to feel left out. Would you be okay with it? He is old enough to give his opinion and you to respect it. That is really the only way you will know if it is okay for you and your family.

I have 3 children my eldest 2 have a different dad and I couldn't imagine taking just the younger child away without all of us going! I choose to have 3 children knowing the cost of things would be more so why should they loose out x

I have 3 children my eldest 2 have a different dad and I couldn't imagine taking just the younger child away without all of us going! I choose to have 3 children knowing the cost of things would be more so why should they loose out. I want to add that my 2 oldest do go on holiday with their dad and step mum but I could not go away without them seems so unfair they are my family regardless. I would be heartbroken if this was me!

app Is glitching so apologies if been asked and answered already. Will you potentially incorporate your son into the cost of a family holiday? Personally I could never ever leave my child out of any of our family activities/holidays. They would always be included automatically unless we discussed and they wanted otherwise. I just can’t fathom it otherwise personally.

I have a ‘blended family’ we have taken the stance that whatever my children’s father dies for them is none of our business, and the same applies to my step daughters mother. What matters to us is that they are reared equally when under our roof. That way they will know they are all lived equally by us. I personally could never ever leave one child out (unless they were an adult) but even then I’d invite them!