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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go on holiday with DD’s, but not DS?

886 replies

Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 12:28

DS(14) is from a previous relationship and spends approximately 1/3rd of his time with his dad. I also have 2 DD’s (9 and 4) with DP.

The 5 of us went on an amazing long haul holiday for 3 weeks over the Easter holidays.

I would love to book a week away over the school summer holidays - but a cheaper, last minute sort of thing as the other holiday was an expensive one (and the main holiday of the year). however the price for all 5 of us is too much; but we could afford the cost for 2 adults and 2 DD’s.

As well as his usual days each week, DS is spending a full week with his dad over one of the school holiday weeks. His dad had previously told me that he was looking to take him abroad, but I don’t think that is now materialising. There’s still the possibility that they may have a UK break instead.

Would I be unreasonable to book a holiday abroad for myself, DP and 2 DD’s for the same week that DS is going to spend the week with his dad?

It feels slightly wrong to go without him, but I also think that he is with his dad for the week who will be taking him places/potentially going away so he’s still going to be having a good time/having experiences etc.

We can’t afford to go away a different week and take him with us. So it’s the difference between going without him whilst he’s with his dad, and not going at all.

Aibu to think that whilst he’s with his dad, it’s his dads responsibility to take him away/plan things to do with him for the week and to not feel guilty if we take DD’s away?

OP posts:
Suncloudstars · 09/07/2025 18:20

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 18:17

I doubt very much they will be going to Dubai

🤣 okay. Can send proof if you’d like 🤣

OP posts:
Suncloudstars · 09/07/2025 18:19

Soulfulunfurling · 09/07/2025 18:14

Wow. The fact you are mocking and laughing at posters that are messaging in good faith says everything about you.

Given your posts op I imagine the holiday is the least of your son’s problems, and I really hope he has a loving and committed father that does not let him down, and an extended family that protects him and looks after him - as it’s clear from your posts that you really don’t give much of a shit. So why dress it up?

I feel deeply sorry for your son.

and also, why do I need to prove to a bunch of strangers on the internet what a loving, caring parent I am? I don’t. And I’m that confident in my own ability to provide those things for my children that I don’t have to explain myself to any of you! Yet you seem to think that I absolutely owe you an explanation and proof that I am the perfect parent. that’s why I now find it laughable. Concentrate on your own lives rather than slating another mum that you don’t even know.

OP posts:
ThatCyanCat · 09/07/2025 18:18

Suncloudstars · 09/07/2025 18:13

I’ll think about you whilst I’m laying around the pool in Dubai next week 😘

Good God, Dubai is shit. If you're going there, leaving your kids behind is an act of mercy. I don't want to go there again even on a free ticket that lives permanently in your head. Still, it's all about ME!

Soulfulunfurling · 09/07/2025 18:17

And Dubai is an inferno so good luck with that. Ofc you would choose Dubai..

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 18:17

Soulfulunfurling · 09/07/2025 18:14

Wow. The fact you are mocking and laughing at posters that are messaging in good faith says everything about you.

Given your posts op I imagine the holiday is the least of your son’s problems, and I really hope he has a loving and committed father that does not let him down, and an extended family that protects him and looks after him - as it’s clear from your posts that you really don’t give much of a shit. So why dress it up?

I feel deeply sorry for your son.

I doubt very much they will be going to Dubai

Suncloudstars · 09/07/2025 18:17

Soulfulunfurling · 09/07/2025 18:14

Wow. The fact you are mocking and laughing at posters that are messaging in good faith says everything about you.

Given your posts op I imagine the holiday is the least of your son’s problems, and I really hope he has a loving and committed father that does not let him down, and an extended family that protects him and looks after him - as it’s clear from your posts that you really don’t give much of a shit. So why dress it up?

I feel deeply sorry for your son.

Because I am bored of it. I’ve been slated non stop by people who don’t have a clue, are judgmental, rude and have made personal attacks that couldn’t be further from the truth. They’re over invested, over dramatic, I’ve given up caring what anyone on this post thinks anymore.

As I’ve previously said, thank you to those who have been polite. Those that have been the opposite; it says more about you than it does me.

OP posts:
DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 18:16

Suncloudstars · 09/07/2025 18:12

You’ve got issues.

That’s a pot calling the kettle black

Soulfulunfurling · 09/07/2025 18:15

I am out.

Soulfulunfurling · 09/07/2025 18:14

Suncloudstars · 09/07/2025 17:23

🤣 okay, you know best 👍🏼

Wow. The fact you are mocking and laughing at posters that are messaging in good faith says everything about you.

Given your posts op I imagine the holiday is the least of your son’s problems, and I really hope he has a loving and committed father that does not let him down, and an extended family that protects him and looks after him - as it’s clear from your posts that you really don’t give much of a shit. So why dress it up?

I feel deeply sorry for your son.

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 18:14

Suncloudstars · 09/07/2025 18:11

Absolutely, can’t afford a single thing.

So why not answer the question if you are so reasonable?

Suncloudstars · 09/07/2025 18:14

Digdongdoo · 09/07/2025 18:14

Of course you're the type to brag about going to Dubai 😂fitting

🤣😘

OP posts:
Digdongdoo · 09/07/2025 18:14

Suncloudstars · 09/07/2025 18:13

I’ll think about you whilst I’m laying around the pool in Dubai next week 😘

Of course you're the type to brag about going to Dubai 😂fitting

Suncloudstars · 09/07/2025 18:13

ThatCyanCat · 09/07/2025 18:12

Hey, stop talking about money.

I’ll think about you whilst I’m laying around the pool in Dubai next week 😘

OP posts:
Suncloudstars · 09/07/2025 18:12

ThatCyanCat · 09/07/2025 18:10

this is absolutely all about you now.

That's fine, now we know you're going to do right by your kid, we can move on to everyone's favourite subject. Me me me me me. Raaaa!

You’ve got issues.

OP posts:
Suncloudstars · 09/07/2025 18:11

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 18:07

it’s obvious that all of you can’t afford to go away despite what you say so you go with ALL three of your children and the partner stays behind. What’s wrong with that solution? And I’m not the only one appalled by your “thought”.

Absolutely, can’t afford a single thing.

OP posts:
ThatCyanCat · 09/07/2025 18:10

Suncloudstars · 09/07/2025 18:08

To be honest, this is absolutely all about you now. I’d get a new hobby if I were you, rather than slating random people on the internet. Do you have nothing better to do than continue to post on here?

this is absolutely all about you now.

That's fine, now we know you're going to do right by your kid, we can move on to everyone's favourite subject. Me me me me me. Raaaa!

Suncloudstars · 09/07/2025 18:08

ThatCyanCat · 09/07/2025 18:01

Well it should be knowing you're not going to fuck up your son's wellbeing that helps you to sleep because like I keep saying, this is about him, not you or me or the rest of the noise you keep deflecting to for some reason.

However, if making silly posts like this is what it takes, then so be it, doesn't matter. Just do right by your kid.

To be honest, this is absolutely all about you now. I’d get a new hobby if I were you, rather than slating random people on the internet. Do you have nothing better to do than continue to post on here?

OP posts:
DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 18:07

Suncloudstars · 09/07/2025 17:57

I’m gutted that you’re appalled with me.

it’s obvious that all of you can’t afford to go away despite what you say so you go with ALL three of your children and the partner stays behind. What’s wrong with that solution? And I’m not the only one appalled by your “thought”.

Suncloudstars · 09/07/2025 18:06

Thinking aloud (if I’m aloud to think that is), I wonder what people’s opinions and judgments would be when it comes to dad’s doing what they choose to do (with and without the half siblings) when the biological child is with the Mum…. Funnily enough I think it would be a humongous case of double standards. “Oh dad can do as he pleases when child is with the mother” but “oh no, mum’s can’t do as they choose when child is with dad!”

funnily enough i don’t have an issue with whatever DS’ dad does with or without him. That’s his choice. And funnily enough, DS doesn’t have a problem with whatever his dad does when he’s not with him either. However I’m sure there’s plenty of people on this thread that will argue that of course DS will secretly be devastated. Because everyone on this thread knows my personal family best!

I’d love to see the responses to a question like that.

OP posts:
dumbo67 · 09/07/2025 18:05

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 18:00

OMG that does not matter for heavens sake. What the boy does or doesn’t do with his father is nothing to do with the mother. I am flabbergasted that you think this is okay. Absolutely flabbergasted

Why are you flabbergasted? Do you think the op shouldn’t do anything with her other kids while her son is with his dad? He has had a holiday with her family, he will likely do something with his dad’s family while he’s there.

My ds has been having dual holidays with both families for several years. We haven’t been abroad without him but we’ve had plenty of days out and mini breaks. Is that deplorable too? Or do you think our lives should stop while my eldest isn’t here? I can confidently say my son doesn’t give one shit what we’re up to when he’s not here because he is having fun with his dad and siblings.

ThatCyanCat · 09/07/2025 18:04

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 18:00

OMG that does not matter for heavens sake. What the boy does or doesn’t do with his father is nothing to do with the mother. I am flabbergasted that you think this is okay. Absolutely flabbergasted

Like I said, it's very very clear that at least some of the 7% are bad faith players. I do miss the days when they knew how to be subtle about it. It's a lost art.

ThatCyanCat · 09/07/2025 18:01

Suncloudstars · 09/07/2025 17:56

Glad I have your approval. I’ll be able to sleep tonight now.

Well it should be knowing you're not going to fuck up your son's wellbeing that helps you to sleep because like I keep saying, this is about him, not you or me or the rest of the noise you keep deflecting to for some reason.

However, if making silly posts like this is what it takes, then so be it, doesn't matter. Just do right by your kid.

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 18:00

dumbo67 · 09/07/2025 17:42

But the child is somewhere else. With his dad. She isn’t leaving him home alone.

OMG that does not matter for heavens sake. What the boy does or doesn’t do with his father is nothing to do with the mother. I am flabbergasted that you think this is okay. Absolutely flabbergasted

dumbo67 · 09/07/2025 17:58

ThatCyanCat · 09/07/2025 17:51

Ah, you're not going to do it? That's brilliant. Definitely the right decision and what's best for your son. I don't care about the rest of it.

You are so over invested it’s embarrassing.

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