To go on holiday with DD’s, but not DS?

I couldn’t do this even if ds was already going away with his dad. He shouldn’t be left out. I couldn’t do it, personally.

Because he will feel excluded.

I mean your DDs have both their parents together, they get to see both their parents most days. You can't measure fairness in blended families based on number of holidays or number of activities. It would still be fair on your Dds because they haven't been excluded from any family holiday

To go against the crowd…!

I’m a stepmum to three SC. We have a little one and so does their mum and her partner.

Their mum goes on a lot of holidays. Every year they do 1 or 2 with SC and 1 or 2 with just their little one. SC are entirely unbothered because they’re usually on holiday with us.

We don’t do it but only because we can’t afford multiple holidays!

That would be his consolation prize for not living with both his parents which is hard enough when he compares with his sisters

I can see the logistics on why your thinking of this.

i wouldn't do it, i probably would if he had a week away booked with his dad at the same time

No I wouldn't op, I can see why you're considering it but if I was you I'd do a cheaper UK break with them all. You don't have to go abroad to have a good holiday.

There's a difference between him getting an "extra" holiday with his dad that his step sisters don't get and you deliberately excluding him from a family holiday because he's an inconvenience to you

A lot of posters are being dramatic

I already said I think it would be fine if he was having an equal holiday with his father.

Both sets of children would then be having two equal holidays and both sets would have had those holidays with their parents either together or separately.

The first born is never going to get his mum and dad together on a holiday so it’s already unfair. Him getting a holiday with mum and then with dad is the best his getting.

You taking the younger ones away when his just stuck at dad’s house however would be a sucky move. He then lose losses. First he never gets the mum and dad holiday and then his siblings who live with mum and dad get a second nice holiday while he doesn’t.

where as his off with dad having a blast and your off possibly even doing a holiday that’s aimed at younger children. That seems fairer.

Yes. He’s already got the shitty end of the deal with his parents being apart and having to move between houses, whilst his sisters are permanently with both parents.

Having two holidays when they get one doesn’t begin to make up for that, and it certainly doesn’t put him in the best position. It’s a tiny little thing that might be a drop in the ocean towards making life a bit fairer (albeit it it goes nowhere near bridging that gulf).

But that isn't the case though. If his dad was sure to bring him somewhere and you would then see if you could go somewhere is ine thing. Now you are deliberately trying to find a reason to exclude him. If you can't take the whole family then don't go. Or go somewhere cheaper.

I’d ask him his thoughts, how do you think he would feel about it?

Does his dad and family ever go away without him? If they do then I don't personally see it as a problem if they were taking him abroad for you to just go away as a family of 4. If they aren't going away then I probably wouldn't.

Blended families are complicated and nobody will ever agree with everything you do. Do what works for you as a family

Doesn't that depend on the situation though? In the OPs situation I wouldn't unless it was guaranteed he was going away with Dad but I've taken some of mine and not others before.

I took DDs away to Spain as teens leaving 5 year old DS with his dad. So everyone wasn't stuck having to do little kid stuff

Also took DD2 and DS to NYC . But that was more because DD1 refused to go unless I paid for no hoper boyfriend as well.

Take DS backpacking DDs by that time grown and married

So it's not one size fits and all

Absolutely don’t ask him to make the decision for you as per PP. He might say yes to you going without him because he knows that what you want to hear and resent you going forward.
He may seem grown up compared to your DDs but he’s still a child. I feel for him.

Oh wow just dump your first born on his dad and his dad's new family, and go away on holiday with your newer children.

Nice.

Don't worry

he can leave home for University etc in just 4 years time

and you can have all the new family holidays you like...

Because he is excluded from your family holiday and all the bonding and shared memories afterwards. It's an awful thing to do to a child.

No. I mean this is so obviously wrong.

Have the holiday you can afford for all of you, when he’s with you. Even if that’s much more modest.

Otherwise it’s a fast track to making him feel excluded from the “‘new” family.

I can see the financial logistics, and even how you could try to justify it…kind of. But no matter how it’s dressed up, I think there’s the potential for such an arrangement to be quite hurtful for your ds and divisive for the family. A bit ‘us and him’. The teenage years can be difficult to navigate. I wouldn’t be risking any extra stumbling blocks! You must have doubts yourself as to how he would take it, or you wouldn’t be posting here.

I think so, yes, because then you could say "you're getting two holidays, and so are your sisters, so it's fair". I wouldn't take them on a second holiday if he's just going to be rattling about locally with his dad.

I wouldn’t; it feels exclusionary.

If I really wanted a break I might consider leaving all 3 kids at home and booking a long weekend somewhere warm with my DH and just feeling a little guilty for different reasons ! 😁

Because it's not a competition, it's a family?