To go on holiday with DD’s, but not DS?

If he is going in holiday with his dad somewhere in the UK why don't you book a holiday somewhere in the UK with your daughters?.
I think it's cruel to wait until he is away and then book an exciting holiday abroad because it makes him sound as though he is an expensive inconvenience.

@Suncloudstarsyour not listening to what people are saying . You are just trying to justify your plan of excluding your son from the holiday . Your a family you go together or not at all .

but as it sounds like your going ahead , we will look forward to your post in a few years look for sympathy that your son has gone no contact and you don’t understand why !

Ok. You keep telling yourself that...

@Suncloudstars you seem adamant that you're right and nobody is going to tell you otherwise so not really sure what you made this thread for?

Personally I don't think it is unreasonable to go away without all your children esp as it isn't the main holiday of the year. Its the inevitable downside of divorced / separated parents. BUT it is unreasonable to use money as the reason why.

I have a few separated/divorced friends. Both the parents go away with and without their children and with and without their step children. They have one main holiday a year with everyone together though.

Yabvu. I find it unlikely you can't afford to take him on this particular holiday another week, yet you say you have multiple holidays a year already.

Is this a particularly expensive/special holiday that costs more than all the rest? If so that's even more unreasonable. Or are you trying to use money as an excuse??

You’re not wrong, especially if your DS is going on holiday with his dad at the same time. If he isn’t also going abroad I’d just ask him how he feels about you going without him, chances are he won’t mind at all.
People on here will tie themselves in knots to find a way to make it seem like a child with divorced parents is going to be scared for life if their half or step siblings ever do anything that they aren’t included in. As long as one child or one set of children aren’t always getting the short end of the stick then there should be no issues.
I have been in my DSCs lives for about 30 years and both are step parents themselves now. Thankfully they could understand and accepted that with the family set up we had it was absolutely impossible for everything to be the same for everyone, as there were way too many variables, with them having 7 half siblings between their mum and dad. My dsc and their siblings on our side of the family have an extremely close bond and are all phenomenally well rounded adults who know how to give and take.

It's quite simple. You all go or nobody goes. It's what families do.

And that him taking DS on a UK holiday is only a "possibility". So the likelihood is that he isn't even going to be going away. Just sat at his dads for a week whilst his mum and siblings are having a brilliant time abroad on a holiday that he wasn't even invited on - in fact, deliberately excluded from.

There is a difference between the usual business of life and an expensive family holiday abroad. if you can't see that then you're deliberately not seeing it I think. Step-parent perchance?

My answer wouldn't change. It's not about "overall fairness" which can never be exactly equal when you don't have a say over what happens in his family with his Dad. It's about you providing the same as you do to your other DC. Especially the family holiday bonding bit that previous posters have mentioned. That's within your control, the rest isn't.

I don't believe that you could afford to take 4 of you on holiday but not 5, it might just be a different holiday. Just use the budget for 4 and find a holiday for 5 in that budget. If flights are the issue, look at places where you can drive or take a ferry.

I think a big thing is that your OP says the holiday with his dad abroad may not happen

Exactly. It's really strange that OP can't or won't see this.

If he goes on holiday with his dad and goes on holiday with his mum he gets twice as many holidays than his half sisters. Things are never going to be exactly equal if it's shared custody. Are his mum and stepdad never allowed to do anything with his half sisters while he is with his dad? No cinema trips, no takeaways, no treats at all?

But plans haven't been made for him to go and do something with his dad have they?

His dad had previously told me that he was looking to take him abroad, but I don’t think that is now materialising. There’s still the possibility that they may have a UK break instead.

@Suncloudstars

"we’re choosing to do something secondary to that" at his expense.

Which you've organised on the exact same dates,he's with his Dad and it's based solely on the fact that you can't afford to take him with you

He could have had 3 holidays this year, lucky boy, but you, his Mum, chose to take your daughters without him on your second family holiday!

No clearly the decision to not include him will be damaging and divisive.

I can’t believe you would even consider doing something like this.

Is this a reverse? Is your DS’s dad planning a holiday without him or something?

But that's the same argument you're making on the holiday - he would get an extra holiday so to "make it fair" you would exclude him from your family's holiday. Why wouldn't you disinherit him to make it fair to your DDs?

Divorced parents LOVE telling themselves this. Even if he is happy and comfortable the vast majority of the time, there is no way he is happier than he would be if both his parents were happily together. That's what your DDs get that he doesn't. His life is more complicated therefore, his place in each family less assured because he is also part of the other one. As this situation perfectly exemplifies. You'd never consider leaving one of your DDs behind because you can't afford all 5 to go. You only consider leaving him out because of his 'other family'. It's inherently a disadvantage.

It doesn’t matter what his dad is doing, whether he gives him 10 holidays a year. It matters that you, his mother is making a choice to exclude him from one of your family holidays. I don’t know why you are trying to make this a joint issue, it’s separate what happens in your home.

i Could never do this to one of my kids. It’s really awful that it entered your mind in the first place

Parents in 'blended' families say that a lot because children are adaptable and want to please their parents and know that their discomfort isn't going to be a priority for a parent that has already moved in with (and had kids with) someone else.

And it suits the parents to believe that because most people don't want to deliberately cause their kids unhappiness.

But if you read threads on here from the children in those families, they often report feeling left out, being made to feel like an inconvenience, wishing they didn't have to live with unrelated adults (however much they might like them as people) and just generally feeling sidelined and 'less than' compared to their half siblings and parents' new relationships.

So your son may be delighted to live between homes and have siblings that get to spend time with both parents and each other while he had to miss out on that. Or he might just be
making the best of a less than ideal situation.

But, either way, I wouldn't stress test the security that you say he has by demonstrating your willingness to drop him for the chance of a holiday that deliberately and specifically excludes him.