To go on holiday with DD’s, but not DS?

I do agree with you that they should be treated fairly and she should include him, but your comment about "stuck in this country, no holiday abroad" cracks me up 😂 😆.

I think you need to talk to him, and to his dad. I can appreciate that a holiday which caters for two little girls is not going to necessarily appeal to a 14 year old, so it very much depends on what sort of a holiday his dad was thinking of. A boys week fishing and camping with both boys might be something that appeals more than a UK seaside cottage holiday.

No I wouldn’t. The purpose of a holiday is to spend time together as a family. He would be missing out on time
with his family (ie you, his step sisters and step dad)

What you also don’t seem to be acknowledging is that in all of this your DS is the only child caught between two households, and how that might make him feel sometimes. Not the case for any of his siblings - just him.

Also, you can’t seriously equate a holiday abroad with a trip to McDonald’s. If he’s become that laissez-faire about holidays then he’s a hugely spoilt brat and that’s a totally different issue. Or is it just you being daft?

Over 500 people have voted and the vote it is almost unanimous. If you’re still arguing and trying to ‘see if you’re truly wrong’, you’re not ready to be wrong.

Parents should treat their children equally. Not doing so makes you a shitty parent. What you’re proposing is not treating your children equally. Whatever additional holidays/perks/bonding he might do with his father is irrelevant to that fact that you will not be treating your children equally. It’s extremely straightforward.

So, you can:

• Pick a different week and go on holiday with all your kids.
• Not go on this holiday.
• Treat your kids unequally.

Those are your options.

Of course it’s completely unfair to exclude him from a family unit holiday. You’re his mother, what he does when he is with his father is totally separate to you and absolutely nothing to do with your shared child with your current partner. You should treat all your children equally within your means and household. Just because your ex can afford to take his child on holiday with his money on his time, that’s his business.

Fairness doesn’t come into it because your DD’s life is completely separate to your son’s life when he’s with his father. It’s the life that’s with you that matters here. You chose to create that potential dynamic of your children having different opportunities when you decided to have other children with someone else. Thats life and it’s down to you to manage your daughters expectations within the realms of what’s reasonable. It’s not down to your sons father to have to compensate because you’re potentially choosing to be an inadequate parent by taking advantage of your ex’s money to “free up” money to take your DD on holiday. Thats a “you” problem. You’re favouring your daughter over your son in this situation and if we can see this then eventually your son will too if he hasn’t already. Pull this type of shit and don’t be surprised when you come to have a fractured relationship with your son when he gets older. And no that’s not melodramatic, it’s the truth. Your cheek is unbelievable, pull yourself together.

If you can’t afford to take all of your children on holiday then don’t take any of them. If you can’t afford to take all of them then do that. It’s literally that simple.

If this was posted from the perspective of DS’s stepmum, she’d be absolutely torn apart for saying OP shouldn’t go 😂

This site hates a blended family.

Why don’t you just admit your going to do this regardless of what other mums are saying. Yes it’s a horrible thing to do to your son you have the money to choose to include or exclude your son and you are choosing to exclude him you don’t really want others people advice you only want them to justify your shitty parenting/behaviour. Poor boy in you house even his step father hasn’t told you whst a shitty idea this is. Glad to hear he has a decent actual father. Yes even tho you deny it divorce effects children but usually mums dont pile more crap onto of that. According the you his life is wonderful- is it really? Take another look at yourself if you are able too without being so utterly defensive it’s your child we are talking about here OP. Stop take a breath and look more objectively at your attitude

Exactly this. Your son must feel scarred by his parents’ splitting up, unable to maintain a happy and supportive marriage in which to raise him. He never chose any this, and you’re asking us whether it’s ok to go away on holiday without him, only taking your ‘new’ family??

What is it that makes you so keen to do this? You seem really really eager to find a way to exclude him. Why?

Is it gender bias? I know so many women who wanted daughters and favour their daughters over their sons

Do you just not like your son that much?

Do you feel ashamed of being a blended family and like to be able to pretend it isn't really the case?

Does your DH not like your DS?

For me that would change things yes because everyone gets the same.

No and I can't believe you'd even consider it.

You are in the wrong. Is this clearer? You are turning yourself inside out to justify the unjustifiable. It's mean. You will hurt your son.

So why should her daughters have fewer holidays than her son? Given that both sides of DS’s family can afford multiple holidays.

Leave your DP at home, take the 3 children.

On the side that it's not on OP to be the only one taking her son abroad on holiday and his dad should also take a turn - I'm sure he would appreciate a holiday, abroad or not, with his dad and that side of the family.
But that's also a tricky conversation to have with a teenager, so I feel for you OP!

So often on here the adults who were once kids in this situation reflect back and say they felt like part of NEITHER family rather than an integral member of two families.

The vast majority of people here aren’t in blended families OP, or able to afford multiple expensive holidays. So they’re looking at it through different lenses.

You know your son. If it feels fine to you, do it. If it’s likely to upset him, scale it back to a “girls’ spa weekend” and a city break rather than a full holiday.

Just curious, but is it your DP who is pushing for a holiday with just the four of you?

Yes, because she decided to make them exist. She gave him half sisters, he didn't ask for them. She needed to think very carefully about how having more children would affect the one she already had, as every parent should. In her situation more than most.

Not defending op but I agree with you. When my parents finally split when I was 13 I could have cried from relief. Only reason they split was because we went to a second refuge and social told her to decide. I doubt that's the situation here so can't speak for the 14 year old, but I do agree with you. Op this is a horrible idea to do to your son though

Do you do anything just with DS that doesn’t include his sisters? Days out etc where he has his mum to himself?

Your DS has been part of this " 2 New Families set up" since he was 2yrs old.

This is all he has even known. It's not his fault his parents divorced and set up 2 new families.
In his mind, he belongs to both equally. What he does, or where he goes on holiday with his Dad's family is none of your business.

You have spent the entire thread trying to justify your actions in leaving him behind and taking the opportunity when he is with his dad for the week.

He is only 14yrs old, take 2 mins to put yourself in his shoes and imagine how you would feel if your mum and DS's took off for a holiday without you.
You will never be able to take that back.

What's the plan for future years?, he came on a holiday abroad so we can leave him behind for our second one?

Just because he has a different dad, doesn't mean he should be treated differently to the other children in the family.

Honestly, you should be ashamed of yourself!
At the end of the day, its how you are going to make him feel about himself and his position in the family that's most important.