To go on holiday with DD’s, but not DS?

Only “slightly wrong”

Awful.

YABU. Even if he was going abroad at the same time with his dad, he is still missing out on what you are doing and that side of the family. How will he feel if you all have lots of family photos as a 4 and go on trips with memories that his half siblings keep going on about, but he wasn't there to be part of. You are excluding him by choosing that week.
If you are trying to sneak in an extra holiday (as I think you mention he isn't missing out as you have been already this year) then choose a week he is with you and go for a cheaper option, UK mini break if need be, so he is part of it.

No, it’s the opposite of what OP is proposing. OP is proposing to treat her children unequally because she thinks the impact of this on one of them might be offset by the actions of his other parent.

Her responsibility is to treat her children equally to the best of her ability and finances. The children’s fathers have that same responsibility. As these children do not have the same (sets of) parents, the final outcomes may not be the same, but what they receive from their own parents should be.

I can't believe I've read this far without clocking that OP is talking about her own biological child. I thought he was her stepson, who excluding from a family holiday would be bad enough, but he's your own son!

Bloody hell. YABVVVVU.

Simplified:

You have all had one big holiday together. YAY.

DSS is going to his dads family to have a holiday, abroad or at home, it will be fun.

Rest of family can now go on another holiday too, as it's now a little cheaper and they can make it work.

Or the alternative - OP's (edited: not rest of) family must stay home and have no fun because DSS can't be there? Makes zero sense to me.

I get why some are saying it's mean. But it sounds like DSS is getting the better end of the deal by having the other holidays - why shouldn't the OP do the same as it's now become do-able?

hhhmmmm

OP: Am I being unreasonable?

Everyone: Yes.

OP: No I'm not.

If you can't afford to take them all pick a cheaper holiday

I’d go OP.

I have three SCs, and a baby with OH. SC’s mum also has a baby with her partner.

We take SC abroad 2-3 times a year and she does the same. She also takes holidays with her baby when SC are with us, and we’re saving to do the same. SC are utterly unbothered.

The cost for a couple and a baby in term-time is not comparable to the cost of taking a couple and four kids in the summer holidays. SC went on more holidays with their mum and dad when they were pre-schoolers too.

If you’re so minted then just pick a different week. Everyone thinks you are unreasonable but you don’t seem to want to listen.

If you’re going to do it anyway then you should at least put some cash aside for your poor boy’s therapy because I can guarantee that decision is going to come up.

How does that work then?

You're saying they should all be treated equally but then actually prioritising the ds as if OP takes your advice and doesn't take the girls away the ds will have had one more holiday than them.

But that doesn't mean your ex has to do what you do

And your son didn't choose to have two families

I would actually say this scenario is also exclusion if you only choose to go out to eat etc. when he's at his dad's, with the express purpose of saving the cost of his meal. Eventually he would notice this pattern.

Just take the L.

I think this is shitty parenting on your part to get one over the "system" of your separation.

It will not always be the same to be fair, but you do need to not take advantage of him being away- that is so damaging!

Of course you are unreasonable to do this! My ds has been promised countless holidays with his dad, not one time has it ever materialised. Myself and DH have only been away once without him and that was because he was on a school trip to France and we went to Wales. We wouldn't dream of going on a holiday without him otherwise. He's 17 and still loves coming on holiday with us.

Obviously you all continue to live when your DS isn't there but 'going to the park' or 'going to a restaurant' is not a reasonable analogy. Holidays (even if you have a few a year) are big deals, especially to kids.

Regardless, you are missing the point - you could choose to go when he is there but you are purposely choosing to go when he is not there. You are excluding him because you'd rather have a slightly nicer holiday for 4, than a less nice holiday for 5. That is what will make him feel like shit.

Exactly, which is what OP is proposing.

I agree.
it doesn't sound like he has 2 full families. Sounds like he has a lovely 'full' family on his dad's side.
and a part time family on his mums.

I have no idea how a mother, regardless of the dads holidays or plans, could exclude their child.
how can a mother exclude a son and take the other kids abroad, over planning a smaller UK holiday where it benefits them all.
it's all well and good saying that they all feel the same but OPs kids with the newer bloke aren't having to share their time with their mum.

what an awful thing to put a kid through. And to be so blaze about divorce not affecting him? How could you possibly know.

You're getting a hard time here OP, and with reasonable justification, but I can see there a few nuances that might make a difference.

What exactly is it that you've got in mind for your trip? Is it somewhere he would love to go, somewhere he would be so-so about, or somewhere that actually he would be bored senseless by, because it's geared around your two DDs?

We have 3 DC and take 90% of our family holidays together, but we have occasionally taken advantage of the fact that one DC isn't around (for example on a school trip) to fit in a trip that is geared around the other two. Likewise we've also done a couple of trips where one parent has taken one DC, to do something focused on their special interests.

Obviously your situation is different, but if you can say hand on heart that your DS would genuinely be non-plussed or quietly relieved to be off with his dad instead, then I think it's OK, because it is comparable to what would happen in a non-blended family. Still needs to be handled sentitively though.

If it is about saving money for a trip he'd really enjoy, then YABVU.

You say you're so well off and go on so many holidays, so if you exclude him this time it's really just for the sake of it. Go on a trip you can afford to take him on, or don't go at all. If he would prefer not to go, then that's a different matter.

???? Firstly she says in her OP that her ex probably isn't even taking her son abroad.

Secondly, it's not a competition!!!

My DSD gets more holidays than her brother because she gets holidays with her mum AND holidays with us. Her brother has his mum and dad at home so just gets the holidays with them.

I think if this was my family and we’d been together since DS was two I’d find it hard to imagine wanting to go on holiday with only two of the three children. The arrangements with his Dad would be irrelevant, if we were going on holiday I’d make it when we were all available. That said, I have a 14yo and he’d be mature enough to have a conversation about it. Why not talk to him about it? Don’t make it about the money though. More just ‘we were thinking of going away for a week with the girls whilst you’re at your Dad’s but I wouldn’t want you to feel left out… what do you think?’

His sisters should get as many holidays as their parents can afford. So should he. However, as he and his sisters do not have the same parents, that may not be the same number of holidays.