To go on holiday with DD’s, but not DS?

That’s not the most important rule though. It’s to treat your children fairly.

Spot on.

It really depends on the family. Perhaps you could afford to take SS for a long weekend with just you and he’d prefer that to a family trip with annoying younger sisters.

I dont think many people here are capable of understanding nuance and that all families are different. Indeed, all people and children are different.

My SC absolutely relish having 1-2-1 time with any of their adults and would choose that over a family break. We regularly take one or two of the children to different events or trips, depending on their interests. I expect OP’s girls have more in common and get on better, for her to be suggesting this.

That's the difference - no more kids in the mix. It's exactly the reason why I wouldn't get involved with anyone else until my kids leave home. I am separated from their dad and it's not ideal (obviously) but neither of us are with anyone else, or have more kids, so our kids are still the focus of our attention. We are still that nuclear family. I know from bitter experience that this dynamic is (apparently) impossible to sustain once new partners and younger half-siblings are brought into the mix.

I think you're determined to gloss over the fact that your DS is the odd one out in your family unit, and you want to think that it's all equal with his "mum family and dad family". (Hint: It's not) I don't say this as some smug married, I'm divorced myself.

Most important rule: TREAT YOUR CHILDREN EQUALLY. This holds true no matter what other external factors there are or what other people are doing for them.

I don't have any stepchildren @Suncloudstars but with a significant age gap between my own dc I can tell you I've taken one away without the other. Like one was off on a week long school trip, so dh, dc2 and I went away. Dc1 didn't mind in the slightest because they had their own trip.

Always endeavoured to keep it 'fair' though, so in your case if your ds is going on a UK break with dad then that's what I'd book for the other dc.

The OP is using the exact same dick logic my parents used to justify treating myself and my sister differently from the kids (our younger half-siblings) from their second relationships. 'It's your mum/dad (whichever one they weren't)'s responsibility to pay for your holidays', 'why can't your mum/dad take you away?', 'you wouldn't enjoy coming away with little kids anyway.' Mine went on holiday to Australia with my half-siblings when I was 16 and left me home alone.

I had a massive house party. They fully deserved that!

Agree

My family situation is similar to yours OP (minus Dad & his family). My eldest DS now 18 has been on several foreign holidays with friends (& their families) and college. We've used that opportunity to go away as a 4. The only difference might be that ours were UK holidays so DS was always getting the better part of the deal.

My parents split when I was 2 and I must be an anomaly because I never felt hard done by, although neither side went on to have more children.

You suggest that you don't understand why it would be wrong, OP. The obvious question, then, is why you'd ask if it might be. However, if it's established that after 14+ pages of almost perfect consensus and a 94% agreement in the poll, that nobody has been able to explain it so that you can grasp it, do you think you might accept that it's a bad idea even if the reasons are beyond you?

He doesn't have two full families. He has two homes, with a parent and a step-parent in each home. He is the only child from a 'broken' family. The other children live full time with both their parents.

I agree. It’s almost like they want to ‘wipe away’ their previous family unit, maybe due to embarrassment of their failed marriage?

Dress it up however you want, it’s excluding him. It’s not about number of holidays, it’s about being fully a part of the family, which he clearly isn’t if you even consider this.

absolutely wicked to be planning this.

You could go in an apartment. The girls in one room son in another you and partner on sofa bed

Your Ds will get 2 of some things because his parents aren’t together. For example he might have a games console at each house or he might have 2 holidays (one with mum and one with dad)
On the other hand he will a more complicated life. For example when he is an adult he will want to factor in a visit to each parent’s house where as his half siblings only have one parental home to consider.
While he’s having 2 holidays total, you love your kids the same so it would be mean to provide one to one child and two to the others. You basically want to know if it’s ok to get your ex to subsidise the difference in cost for 4 and 5.
It’s like the games console example, some things won’t be equal for your 3 kids and it would be insane to buy your children a second games console each because your son owns two.

I would say 2 holidays are the trade off for having to live between 2 families

Would you go away with him and one DD whilst the other DD is at camp, to make the holiday cheaper?

If you are that hard to after your 3 week holiday, new house and cars do you actually need another holiday?
You say you want to reign in the finances a bit. Rather than excluding one child maybe just knock the holiday idea on the head and put the money to one side for next year where you might encounter the same issues (needing an extra room, eldest costing as much as an adult).
It's not like anyone will be missing out if they had a big holiday already this year and as you have moved house this gives them plenty of chance to enjoy it.

It sounds like you need to save your money instead of going on yet another holiday, if you can’t even afford to pay for all of your children.

Your DDs wouldn't want to go on the holiday with their half brother and his dad's family but your DS would want to go on the holiday with you and his sisters. He is part of your family. Your DDs aren't part of your ex-husband's family.

It will look like you have been looking for the perfect opportunity to ditch him and go on holiday without him. It doesn't reflect well on you.

Exactly this.

Put yourself in your son’s shoes. His parents split up, then his mum goes on to create a new family and even have children with a new partner. Your son now no longer has his parents and original family unit. And now you choose to treat your new family to a European holiday while excluding him 😔

I actually disagree with those saying it would be unreasonable IF he is going abroad with his dad, as long as the trip you do without him wouldn't be too exciting to him (ideally less exciting than what he is doing with dad or more aimed at younger children so boring for him). It's also important yourDP is going, so it would be like all your children are going on holiday with their respective dads at the same time (you just happen to be going to with the one you live with!)

However, it sounds like you aren't likely to even know for sure if he is doing that until last minute, so I would scrap that idea for this year. Also I guess it would depend for me how the relationships are anyway, eg any signs of jealousy already etc.

If can afford a week in europe for 4 of you, you can afford a week or even a few days self catering in the UK for 5 of you..why don't you do that instead on a different week?

99% say YABU and you still argue for going ahead?
The issue isn’t all the factors of ‘what if he stays with his dad’ ‘dad may take him on holiday’ ‘my dd’s may have one less holiday than him if he also goes away with dad’ it’s BEING A FAMILY UNIT. He is your son, if you ship him off to Dad he will FEEL this and think you don’t want to take him, the logistics mean nothing to kids. You either all go and if that means finding somewhere cheaper then so be it or you don’t go. Find an airbnb in England a drive away for the change of scenery, that must be the same as going away. Or get the Eurostar to Lille and get an Airbnb. There will be plenty of different options BUT just don’t leave him out.

Yip. No further comment.

Lol. The room was designed for 4 . I've shared a room with teenage boy on occasion ( airport hotel mainly) but the trips we go on we tend to stay in different hostels in the same place and meet up. No sitting round pools for us

As a kid, my step sister spent half her time with us (my step mum (her mum), my dad (her stepdad) and me) and half her time with her dad. My dad and step mum were pretty shit all round but they wouldn’t have had us go on holiday without her.
Having double holidays is one of the few benefits of having separated parents isn’t it.
I kind of understand your logic but can’t even begin to imagine the life-long, tell your therapist kind of upset it would cause to your son so I would say a firm YABU.