To go on holiday with DD’s, but not DS?

You have asked for opinions but are still trying to justify yourself!
I would say talk to your son. 14 is old enough to understand the situation.
I personally think if he is going away with his Dad and other family and he’s happy for you to go away too then it would be fine. I would expect you to offer to take him too though so he feels like it’s his choice not yours.

Maybe she could ignore everyone but listen to the children of divorce on this thread who're telling her how they felt in this situation

This. Unless you want his to think the you ger kids from the shiny new relationship are your favourites, which is what it sounds like in your post.

I think it would only be okay if you can afford a separate holiday for you and him, say, in the October half term. And he agrees and is excited to do that and have some 1 to 1 time with you.

I take my dc away separately as different ages and interests and it works very well. The difference is that it’s fair and no one gets treated differently than the others.

To me, it sounds like you’ve maxed out your holiday budget for the year and just can’t afford a 2nd and 3rd holiday this year, so it’s probably about saving up to do something together next year.

Agree with PP that you are entirely naive to think just because both parents are civil and your DS seems happy with both homes that all is peachy. It’s bloody hard work being the child of divorced parents. The mental gymnastics are constant, even if your parents still get along and everything is relatively ‘normal’.

You leave him out and go on a holiday. Take a picture on the trip and stick it on the fridge. Every single time he goes to the kitchen, he’s reminded of that time he wasn’t invited on the family holiday because taking him put it out of budget. Making this choice will erode your relationship.

If one extra person means you can’t afford it, just put that money to your next holiday so you can take everyone. Simple budgeting!

My 17 yr old DS changes his mind every 30 mins. Asking a 14 year old is fine and they might say 'urgh no it sounds boring' but it's young imo to miss out on a lovely family holiday abroad& all the memories. He may bitterly regret not going when its too late. Op hasn't got many years left where her kid will want to go away with her. They should hire a villa instead where the cost of 2 or 3 bedrooms won't be that different.

Yes, I do think if I knew he was definitely going away (100% all booked) then I would definitely consider it - but please don't go if he's not.

Please don't do this. The only person who can say this is your son. I KNOW my children are affected by being from a broken family. They don't tell me that and they know it's the right decision and if I were to ask them I'm sure they'll minimise it so as not to hurt my feelings. I'm sure with their closest friends or a therapist it'll be a very different story.

Good i hope she does. She's not doing anything wrong. Ppl seem to forget that children have 2 parents and not 1 and this lad sees and spends time with dad.

Too many do gooders and judgmental ppl on this post I just hope all your lives are absolutely perfect and no flaws whatsoever 🤣🤣🤣

As the stepchild who has always been excluded from family holidays I can tell you at the age of 50 it still hurts.

smaller than a car - if you were desperate for another holiday maybe you should have reigned your finances by postponing buying 2 cars at the same time instead of excluding your DS.
And no, trip to cinema, mcdonalds, to the park (unless again it is his favourite them park and you won't take him again later) is not comparable to holiday abroad.

We all need to save our selves the trouble …

OP is digging heels in and not able to reflect on the child’s perspective here …

The price difference doesn’t need to be huge, just don’t go down the package holiday route.

Book easyJet/BA flights to Europe (you won’t pay adult price for the 14 year old) and book a 3 bed lovely villa with a pool. Very little difference in price between a 2 bed and 3 bed villa if any.

Now my 2 are teens we always tell them they can bring a friend each and it costs very little to add their friends to our holidays. A couple of hundred pounds, no more.

You know what? It took my daughter until she was 36 (she was 6 when her dad left) to tell me how much she hated going to her dad's as it didn't feel like her home. Kids don't always tell you things at the time. You sound very complacent.

Why aren’t you answering the suggestions of a more affordable UK holiday for all five of you?
or a cheaper Europe camping holiday?

Have you even read the OP? She's not talking about her step son, she's talking about her own son.

Why would you omit that? It's a very key part of your OP. You want to go on holiday. It will cost you too much to bring 5 people so you are choosing a week your son can't go so you can afford it. You have decided "we will wait until this week to save money". It's completely different to a cinema trip or a days out without him and comparing both is disingenuous, unless you actively decide "we will wait until next Saturdayto go to the zoo so itll cost us less"! You have 3 children. It is selfish to decide to organise something on a week one is unavailable so the rest of you can afford another holiday. No matter how many yeahs and buts and what ifs you throw at us, that's the crux of this thread!

So it's okay for him to have 2 trips abroad but not his half siblings?
If he is going away with dad I don't see the problem. If he isn't then then I wouldn't go.

My opinion, each parent should provide the same to all their children.

So you take all your bio kids on 2 holidays this year.

DS's dad can take all his kids on 1, 2 or 10 holidays. It doesn't matter, providing the same for all his kids.

Whether your DDs end up going on more or less holidays doesn't matter. It wasn't their parents that caused the unfairness. Same way wouldn't matter if DDs friends went on 20 holidays. You, as bio parent, have a responsibility to treat all your children equal.

@Boymummy2015

"I feel for you I really do. As a stepmum to a DD same age as your DS"

OP is not a stepmum.

She has 3 children and wants to take 2 on a second holiday and exclude the third.

you don't know that! just because he is happy on daily basis, doesn't mean that he doesn't wish he didn't have blended family but dad and mum living together. You are naive to think he is not affected. My DS had a happy childhood with split family - I even asked him in his teen years if he feels disadvantaged/affected by it and he said no, but now that he is in his 20s he tells me he always wished to have a "normal" non-blended family but didn't want to upset me or even himself by dwelling into it.
and YABU in both scenarious. Your DDs might be disadvantaged for having 1 holiday vs him having two but your DDs have a huge advantage of having both parents in one house, he doesn't. And now they may also have memories of holidays of your 4 together not 5 - that would be extremely hurtful to your DS.

Well fairly generally means equally. These are all still kids, it's not a question of one being grown up and the other minors.

I think it would be selfish and make him feel left out.

Well, he is already in a worse situation than your DDs as he has to split his time between his dad and mum due to your divorce.

So tbh even if he did also get a holiday through his dad, his life is infinitely less 'ideal' than the one you have with your daughters.