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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To go on holiday with DD’s, but not DS?

886 replies

Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 12:28

DS(14) is from a previous relationship and spends approximately 1/3rd of his time with his dad. I also have 2 DD’s (9 and 4) with DP.

The 5 of us went on an amazing long haul holiday for 3 weeks over the Easter holidays.

I would love to book a week away over the school summer holidays - but a cheaper, last minute sort of thing as the other holiday was an expensive one (and the main holiday of the year). however the price for all 5 of us is too much; but we could afford the cost for 2 adults and 2 DD’s.

As well as his usual days each week, DS is spending a full week with his dad over one of the school holiday weeks. His dad had previously told me that he was looking to take him abroad, but I don’t think that is now materialising. There’s still the possibility that they may have a UK break instead.

Would I be unreasonable to book a holiday abroad for myself, DP and 2 DD’s for the same week that DS is going to spend the week with his dad?

It feels slightly wrong to go without him, but I also think that he is with his dad for the week who will be taking him places/potentially going away so he’s still going to be having a good time/having experiences etc.

We can’t afford to go away a different week and take him with us. So it’s the difference between going without him whilst he’s with his dad, and not going at all.

Aibu to think that whilst he’s with his dad, it’s his dads responsibility to take him away/plan things to do with him for the week and to not feel guilty if we take DD’s away?

OP posts:
DipsyDee · 10/07/2025 07:43

TheFoz · 10/07/2025 07:04

Sure Jan.

Clearly this thread has hit a nerve with you.

Not at all but you clearly it has

TheFoz · 10/07/2025 07:04

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:57

What the children do with their father and where they are taken is nothing to do with you

Sure Jan.

Clearly this thread has hit a nerve with you.

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 23:06

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 22:56

Oh dear. It is an a personal insult, it’s quite clear. You are trying to back peddle and as I’ve said you e already lost the argument. But this is boring me now so i’m not going to reply to you any further.

Edited

3 attempts to write that post lol......

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 22:56

Oh dear. It is an a personal insult, it’s quite clear. You are trying to back peddle and as I’ve said you e already lost the argument. But this is boring me now so i’m not going to reply to you any further.

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 22:54

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 22:47

Questioning if I had been drinking is a personal attack and even more baffling that you can’t /won’t see it. The very fact you have reduced yourself to making that comment means you have completely lost the argument.

What is baffling is that you are telling me I said things like " why wouldn't he partner go" and nor did I say the 14 year old shouldn't go. I merely asked for quotes of me saying these things as you seem to be reading what I haven't written. Hence the question about drinking. And BTW a question isn't a personal insult. If I had for example,said " stupid cow" or " ugly as fuck" that would be personal insults. A question isnt

Chungai · 09/07/2025 22:50

Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 13:30

You’re assuming that he is heavily affected by being from a split family. He’s not.

You can't possibly make this assumption on his behalf. Wait till he's maybe 45 and has kids of his own then see.

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 22:47

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 22:45

Can you quote me on that ? As I can't bloody well see it. And I didn't resort to any personal insults

Questioning if I had been drinking is a personal attack and even more baffling that you can’t /won’t see it. The very fact you have reduced yourself to making that comment means you have completely lost the argument.

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 22:45

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 22:41

You lose the argument when you resort to personal insults. Sad really. You said why wouldn’t the partner go to high infers he should go and not the boy

Can you quote me on that ? As I can't bloody well see it. And I didn't resort to any personal insults

Orchid2025 · 09/07/2025 22:44

I don't understand the point of asking people's opinion when you just spend all your time rubbishing them. The vast majority of people think you are wrong. End of. There's your answer.
I also don't understand if you live such a comfortable privileged life how a couple of hundred pound more for your son to go on holiday is such a deal breaker.

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 22:43

crumblingschools · 09/07/2025 22:37

Not many people have such a big age gap @Fundayout2025 Big difference when a child is independent not to come on family holiday or an older teenager not wanting to go on family trip, to a mum deciding a young teenager shouldn’t join the family holiday

Edited

Nobody has actually asked the boy whether he wants to go or not though have they? And I will repeat what I said in my original reply to the OP as people seem to have missed / be ignoring it . I said that I wouldn't be going without the son IF his dad wasn't taking him away

But there seem to be a shed load of people on here seem to see their kids as a collective rather than individuals and therefore all of them or none must do stuff

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 22:41

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 22:39

Where on earth have I said THAT? Have you been drinking?

You lose the argument when you resort to personal insults. Sad really. You said why wouldn’t the partner go to high infers he should go and not the boy

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 22:39

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 22:36

I think you are reaching there. Interesting that you think the partner should go but not the 14 year old as you said in a previous post. Your attitude is baffling really

Edited

Where on earth have I said THAT? Have you been drinking?

crumblingschools · 09/07/2025 22:37

Not many people have such a big age gap @Fundayout2025 Big difference when a child is independent not to come on family holiday or an older teenager not wanting to go on family trip, to a mum deciding a young teenager shouldn’t join the family holiday

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 22:36

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 22:30

My daughter was only 4 years older. Notthat vastley different Actually she also refused to come on holiday with us at 16 also. ( as I wouldn't take boyfriend)

It was you suggesting you thought I was veing " big and clever" You seem to be getting very " pearl clutchy" at being challenged about your idea of family and what people should do not being the only way

And yeah the OP could leave her partner behind ( I've read back through all your comments) I did say in my original reply to her that I wouldn't leave him behind if he wasn't going away with his dad

I think you are reaching there. Interesting that you think the partner should go but not the 14 year old as you said in a previous post. Your attitude is baffling really

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 22:30

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 22:22

It’s A whole world of difference as your daughter is an adult living away from home. This is about a 14 year old. Vastly different

My daughter was only 4 years older. Notthat vastley different Actually she also refused to come on holiday with us at 16 also. ( as I wouldn't take boyfriend)

It was you suggesting you thought I was veing " big and clever" You seem to be getting very " pearl clutchy" at being challenged about your idea of family and what people should do not being the only way

And yeah the OP could leave her partner behind ( I've read back through all your comments) I did say in my original reply to her that I wouldn't leave him behind if he wasn't going away with his dad

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 22:22

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 22:17

Well I expect the majority don't have one leaving home before the other is out of infant school either do they? It's not a case of being " big and clever"

What am I meant to do? Force one who lives 250 miles away to use her AL and leave her partner so she can holiday with her " whole family" Or refuse to take the other 2 as big sis can't come?

It’s A whole world of difference as your daughter is an adult living away from home. This is about a 14 year old. Vastly different

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 22:20

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 22:13

What point of partner not going?

What’s the point of her son not going? Why is the partner more important?

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 22:17

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:52

And? It doesn’t make you big and clever. You’ve only done what the majority would not do.

Edited

Well I expect the majority don't have one leaving home before the other is out of infant school either do they? It's not a case of being " big and clever"

What am I meant to do? Force one who lives 250 miles away to use her AL and leave her partner so she can holiday with her " whole family" Or refuse to take the other 2 as big sis can't come?

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 22:13

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:51

Well he is a new partner compared to the father of her first child. You know the fist child who is being excluded for the newer one. Still waiting for your comment on my point of partner not going.

What point of partner not going?

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:57

TheFoz · 09/07/2025 21:56

Not when they are already going on a family holiday.

What the children do with their father and where they are taken is nothing to do with you

TheFoz · 09/07/2025 21:56

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:25

So is leaving one of your children out from a family holiday.

Not when they are already going on a family holiday.

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:52

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 21:50

Actually looking back I think there's only been 2 or 3 holidays all my kids have been on together

And? It doesn’t make you big and clever. You’ve only done what the majority would not do.

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:51

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 21:48

Didn't you??

DipsyDee · Today 16:11
And who wants to leave her son out of a holiday and take the two she has with a new partner

Well he is a new partner compared to the father of her first child. You know the fist child who is being excluded for the newer one. Still waiting for your comment on my point of partner not going.

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 21:50

Actually looking back I think there's only been 2 or 3 holidays all my kids have been on together

Fundayout2025 · 09/07/2025 21:48

DipsyDee · 09/07/2025 21:46

I didn’t say he was new or old. Quite interesting that you are completely ignoring my other far more salient points. Its was also really unkind of you to remind your son you didn’t take him because someone on the internet disagrees with you

Didn't you??

DipsyDee · Today 16:11
And who wants to leave her son out of a holiday and take the two she has with a new partner

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