To go on holiday with DD’s, but not DS?

Take your 3 children and leave dp at home.

Make him part of a family bonding experience then. The four of you will go away, share this experience as a four, have anecdotes as a four and it will be yet another thing that he's outside of.

You and a previous poster were mocking the idea of him being excluded from day trips to the park or McDonald's, but that's exactly the point. He IS on the outside of that and you are now wanting to make the choice to leave him out of a bigger event.

I think holidays are quite a bonding thing for families to do as it is outside the day to day grind where you can all relax together or experience something new together. If he holidays with his dad, then that's a time for him to bond with his dad and their family. You proposing to cut him out of your family bonding time is seperate to it being a tit for tat holiday. That's what people are upset/shocked by.

Some of these replies are utterly batshit. You’re showing yourselves up here ladies.
Calling her a shitty parent, insinuating that the kids dad cares more, the ‘shiny new family’ remark…and these are just the ones I can be arsed to read.

As someone who has a child from a previous relationship I can tell you that I’ve always hated him going away without me. When he was little it was especially hard to wave him off for a week with his dad. I’d get sick with anxiety and missing him. I found it very hard to be in our own surroundings and routine without him being there so I’d often use that opportunity to go away myself just for a change of scenery. As time passed and I had my other dc it’s still something we do when ds goes away. I will never get used to having to spend weeks at a time away from him. I still hate it even though he’s a teen now. But life has to go on. And ds has never once expressed any jealousy or upset about the fact we’ve done something because he’s been having fun with his dads family and what we’re doing hasn’t even crossed his mind.

This is the reality for blended families. You are not a selfish, shitty, uncaring parent because you still choose to live life when your kid isn’t there. Unless you are deliberately leaving them out for your own benefit - ie sending them off to their dads so you can have a cheaper holiday - then it’s fine.

@beetr00 I understand that but my DH was also not a SD and not only that I also don't class myself as DD Stepmum nor does she class me as that. I would also never refer to my children or my DD siblings on her mums side as "half" but that is just me.

My point was that when you share children with their other parent it does not mean that you cannot do anything when that child is with said parent. If her son does go abroad with his dad then what is she doing wrong? Is she to lock her and the rest of the family indoors for the week incase DS might feel left out? I'm fairly sure he wouldn't be bothered if he was having fun in the sun with his dad, SM and siblings. I think it just needs to be discussed with all involved.

Sorry but I think this would be incredibly cruel. It’s not just the holiday, it’s the stories afterwards, the photos, the memories. It’s incredibly devisive not to include him. I’d go on a cheaper holiday (few days at a premier inn, holiday park, camping) or just some nice days out and take everyone.

So you can afford it or you can't? Which is it?

Not that it matters because it seems like you're determined to go without him anyway, for whatever the real reason is.

One of my SC is into football, one is into horse riding. Should I be paying the former because I’m spending more on the latter?

It’s okay to treat children fairly. It doesn’t have to be 100% equal at every single moment as long as it balances out.

I don't think it's entirely unreasonable to go on holiday without DS (14) assuming he's been on holiday with his dad and other step siblings. I bet his dad has been on holiday without him (but taken his half siblings).
OP said they'd been on holiday for 3 WEEKS to SE Asia at Easter altogether.
Seriously get a grip folks.
Just ask him if he's OK with it, if he's not then you might be in a pickle but he'll probably not mind unless you're planning on going somewhere that he really wants to go to.
OP just have a good chat with your son and check with his dad what he's planning to do with his son re holidays.

Revisit that statement with him when he’s an adult . Being the child who wasn’t part of the nuclear family but always in the ‘visitor’ role really messes with your head .

No, either all my kids go with me on holiday or we don’t go and find one where it’s affordable to take all three. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself knowing I’d left my son out and I’d worry that it will cause resentment and drive a wedge between him and his half sisters.

OP I actually think a lot of people just read it was a blended family and clicked Unreasonable without realising he’s your son 😂 comprehension isn’t strong in these parts…

Because she doesn't want that to be an option. She wants her perfect European holiday with her family of 4 (5 is an odd number and too expensive - despite her choosing to have 3 children).

The crux of it is that due to financial decisions you’ve committed to this year (new cars, etc) you are not in a position to take all of your children on this holiday. You are deliberately choosing to go when one child is away, no matter how you try to paint it. It’s not cool, and if you can’t afford an additional holiday abroad for ALL of your children; then you point blank can’t afford it. The mental gymnastics you’re doing to rationalise this are exhausting.

It's wonderful they have a great time with you but it could also effect how they feel about things when they miss out on things with their Mum (because she's presumably not including them, not because they're with you iyswim). You're on the other side of this conversation, presumably where OP's DS's Dad is.

Wow. I can’t believe you’re actually considering this. Your son is under 18 you either take them all or no one goes.

OP, why are you ignoring all the posters asking why you don’t just cut your cloth accordingly and find somewhere cheaper for all 5 of you?

Sorry - this is YOUR OWN CHILD that you're excluding? God - this is potentially one the shittiest things ive read on here. Normally its the step parent being shitty - BUT HIS OWN MUM?!

Are you ever going to answer why you can't go away another week in the the school holidays to somewhere more affordable so you can take all of your children @Suncloudstars ?

Is anyone else absolutely cringing at this post 🤣 I just assumed it was the stepfather writing the post, then realised, oh no it's actually the boys mum! Stop calling him your step son,that's so weird. So many comments about your financial situation, holidays are not that grand to your family etc, eugh gives me the ick. Now you've twisted your original post to pretend you were actually asking if it would be wrong to go away the same week he is abroad with his dad, a complete contradiction to the info already provided. Like the vast majority have already said, yes, its wrong to plan your family holiday the week he is will be with his dad. You know it is and you know why.

Yep and also not sure how that's even an option when the OP is allegedly so skint that she can't afford to pay for her son to go with them...

No, all of you or none of you.

"I'll pay you not to come on holiday with us, son."

I imagine the OP will be quite relieved when DS is old enough to choose not to go along with them....