To go on holiday with DD’s, but not DS?

In this situation, I think the person whose opinion matters most is your son's.
Have you asked him how he'd feel?
Fairness/parity of esteem doesn't always look like treating children exactly the same, thus I think a lot of people have been overly harsh in their responses.
Equally, you have come across as a tad argumentative in your responses, which doesn't always help the flow of threads.

It's great that your son is seemingly so well adjusted and feels loved in both of his homes. But there is no way that his parents being divorced will not have affected him and will continue to affect him as an adult. It's just not possible. So his sisters do already have a built in advantage in their lives living with both of their parents. Please don't dismiss the effect of divorce on children, however amicable.

As far as the holiday goes, you chose to have 3 children and one of the consequences of that is that travel becomes more expensive. That's one of the reasons my husband and I decided to stop at 2 children. You have to face the consequences of your decision to have a 3rd child. Your son shouldn't.

I do see where you’re coming from OP. But I don’t think I could do this. I wouldn’t want to go on holiday without all my children, day trips etc is different, but a holiday is a big thing (well it is to me, we only go once a year though). Memories are made on holiday, photos are taken, sights are seen. When these are subsequently discussed/looked at afterwards and in the years to come, how will he feel that you all went and he is the only one who didn’t see the lovely beach, funny waiter, isn’t in the family photo etc?
I agree with PP who’ve mentioned that he’s inherently at a disadvantage to his siblings being the only one who has to go from one home to another, settle in again each time. He might feel a little bit left out each time he hears about anything he missed when he was away with his other family, I think I would.

Again, I see the logic, but this to me is something where the heart should rule the head, and you should all go together.

I would never do this to any of my children, even if he was going abroad with his other parent.

Nothing to do with logistics, but everything to do with potentially upsetting my child, and how they might feel about it.

Young lads keep things to themselves, even if he was to be broken by it, you might not ever know.. nothing is worth that potentially happening.

Just my views and opinions.

No, not at all. The fact you shouldn't exclude him from your family's holiday has no relation to whether his father includes him in his.

The dynamic of the ds in comparison to the other dc will always be different. There is no avoiding that. It’s what happens when a couple have a child, split, get remarried and have more dc. I have been a product of that and it’s also something that has happened in my family. Nobody is screwed up.

I agree with treating both dc the same. But when the eldest is away life can’t just stop for the rest of the family. Would a day out be acceptable? Would a UK holiday be acceptable? Either way the eldest is still missing out on family time with that family. But it can’t be avoided unless he stops contact with his father which is clearly not the right way to deal with this.

Your daughters have one family, your son has two. That's not his choice - it was yours. If you exclude him from your family, your excluding him. It's not about how many holidays abroad everyone gets each, it's about families.

Regardless of what he does with his Dad during their time together, you still have 3 children and they need to be treated the same by you and your now DH!! I could never take the rest of mine on holiday and leave one behind, especially for the reason that you can only afford for the 2 younger children to go. If you cannot afford for all 3 then none of you go 🤷‍♀️

Tell me who your favourite children are without telling me 🤦🏼‍♀️

Your OP said he’s very unlikely to go abroad with the dad though. You’ve changed the goalposts to suit you.

In summary, I think the issue is with you deciding whether he can come or not, rather than him being part of the planning. Everything else is distraction.

DS is 14 and is old enough to have an opinion and be part of the discussion. At that age I sometimes went away with friends and their families. At least once that I remember, my own family went away at the same time and I missed that holiday. It was not a big deal, I didn’t feel excluded, my mum talked to me about it. A nuclear family so less potential for jealousy or ongoing feelings of exclusion; and their trip was less interesting to me than what I could do with my friend. Also it was a school half term so there was less question of just moving it a week later and I could do both. I’d have been upset if they planned a holiday and didn’t talk to me about it!! And if it was something really exciting I’d have been upset they weren’t waiting for me. It was important that they were going on an ordinary (for us) camping trip and I was spending the week pony trekking, so I definitely felt I was getting the better end of that deal.

With a blended family I think there needs to be some coordination between all parts. I think if he’s spending one week out of six with his dad and that’s the week you plan to go away that could feel pretty bad to him. In general I’d try to arrange your holidays on different weeks from his dad and then ask ds which ones he wants to do — ie assume he’s part of both families plans but he’s old enough now that he might choose not to join in with all family activities. Sometimes that’s not possible due to other commitments or whatever and you’ll end up with a clash when you and his dad are planning a trip at the same time, but same principle he gets to decide which to do, he’s always wanted and welcome.

don’t plan a holiday when he’s away intentionally so you don’t have to take him unless it’s something he really really wouldn’t want to do that his sisters are into, and in that case you still need to talk to him so he knows why that’s happening and agrees he’s getting the better option (for him).

I wouldn't, it feels mean.

I know a father who does this. His shiny new family have holidays without his son from a previous relationship - the son is 10 and has just begun to refuse to see his Dad. If you do this, he is unlikely to forget that he was treated differently and not completely part of your new family unit.

Trolling us now, OP 🙄

I still hold a grudge for my parents going away on holiday for my birthday multiple years as a teen/early twenties!