To go on holiday with DD’s, but not DS?

I feel like you're getting advice from people who are married and sneer at blended families.

Your son does not have a terrible life. Those suggesting he's in a worse position as the OP daughters is just untrue. Many children are happier in blended families especially when their parents had been unhappy prior.

If he has two happy parents, who co-parent effectively and he sees you're in a happy relationship that's powerful. Life doesn't need to be mediocre and he doesn't need to accept toxic behaviours.

Those suggesting it was selfish of the parents to split is also pretty distasteful.

I think this is massively a sexist issue. I think if his dad went on holiday without his son he wouldn't receive any judgement.

If you are happier OP and your son sees you happy and he feels like an important part of your family I cannot see any issue.

And where does it stop? Do people expect you not to take the girls for days out in case it looks like you're leaving out your son?

There's this ideal where when a woman has children, people think they should be the entirety of their world. Men don't get the same judgement. It's more important the mother is happy with healthy boundaries and expectations and the child witnesses that.

Oh don’t be daft
my posts are clear
i think the op is being very unfair and she could have used the time she has dedicated to this thread to find a holiday for 5 for her budget

you left us hanging on your thread!! And just seen… you got deleted!!

I’ve read all the OP’s comments and what comes through is that she really, really wants to follow this plan (not having DS on this holiday) but equally really wants general validation from this forum it’s ok. Well, the general consensus is that it isn’t ok, but you have every right to go ahead anywat just stop trying to argue it a different way.

@Acethrower Maybe try to stick to the subject? Or start your own thread. Maybe you find it completely normal to exclude a child using the pretext of finances while banging on about how wealthy you are.

I can't believe you would think about doing this! If he were an adult then yes, but he's still a child! I feel he would resent you and his sisters for this!

Exactly this or no holiday if this were my child.

I’m going to go against most of the posters here because I’ve actually been in a similar situation. 2 children to ex partner, 1 to new partner. Ex can’t afford to take kids abroad every year so agreed to alternate abroad holidays every other year. The year the older ones go abroad with ex, I go abroad with husband and younger child at the same time otherwise we won’t see the older ones for the majority of the holidays. Then we do a British holiday as the 5 of us. Then the alternate years the 5 of us go abroad together. The 3 kids then get equal holidays to each other. No one is missing out, and if the point of the holiday is spending time with the other parent then that’s what they are getting. As it happens this year the older kids are staying in Britain for their summer holiday with their dad (but in a holiday cottage or similar) as he found a great deal for one of the other school holidays and they are going abroad then instead. We 3 are still having our holiday abroad at the same time in summer but won’t be holidaying when the older ones are next.

This cannot be real! There is no justification at all

Aw stop attacking the OP. She asked the question in good faith. She got an answer. She tried to explain reasons for asking but she has taken it on board. And now she is just winding up the idiots who are choosing to get over-invested.

As has already been said a thousand times over it’s absolutely a shitty thing to do but you keep coming back to “fairness for all your children” and that if he went on a holiday with his dad and you didn’t then take your daughters away that wouldn’t be fair. Fair is within your own family unit not both because it could never be fair. If your family unit has 3 holidays then all children in your family unit get 3 holidays. What happens when your son is at his dad’s is entirely separate.
birthdays and Christmas does he get presents from both families and his siblings so 3 siblings whereas your daughters will get presents from 2 siblings, are you starting to see where your perspective falls flat?

OP, what extended 1-1 time does your son get alone with you without stepdad and half siblings being there? His sisters get extended time alone with just mum and dad. Does he get special extended 1-1 time with just Mum?

I think if u have to ask on here then in your heart you know it's not 100% right but hoping to get some people here saying it's okay. No one here has to worry about it, it's your life, but I think you know the answer already

Many people have said it doesn't sound like a good idea to leave DS behind but you just keep trying to justify your choice. If you have made up your mind, then don't ask for opinions! I agree with what others have said regarding your DS almost being an inconvenience. If it's one extra child making the holiday not affordable then it's not affordable at all (not even the 4 of you) and you should look at another destination for entire family.

Most thought you were trolling @arcticpandas or your thread yesterday about your brother’s fiancée not being your cup of tea!

I think @Suncloudstars is trolling. It's not possible to be so obtuse that you keep saying how rich you are and then go on justifying excluding your son from a family trip because you have to reign in the finances. Like you could choose any other of your luxury spending to cut out, but no, let's not bring the son from a previous marriage.

He will feel that you love him less than your dds OP. And, sadly, having read all your posts, that's what it sounds like. You don't have to rub it in his face though by excluding him from a holiday.

Yes. It’s not the same because the DDs aren’t in a situation where a parent is taking siblings on holiday and excluding them. That’s why it is not relevant if their brother is on holiday with his dad and stepmum- those adults are not their parents or related to them so they are not being left behind in any way.

Yes not everything can be 100% fair all the time but it’s pretty easy not to book a holiday and leave behind one child.

Coming in at 62 posts now op

you could have found a holiday for 5 that met your budget in the time you have spent arguing on mumsnet

I never said that divorce isn't sometimes, maybe even often, the best course of action all things considered. But you can't then pretend that it doesn't have any kind of negative affect on the children involved.

But you can’t compare your DDs with your son - he’s from broken family - his parents do not live together and he is moving between houses (possibly feeling like a spare part in both homes). Your DDs on the other hand have both parents and not having to pack this stuff every few days! Is that fair? Do you still think that your son got a better sea than your daughters from the new partner?!
No matter how many extra holidays will not make up for that (the fact that you consider not taking him means he is not considered equal with your daughters!)!

If it’s about fairness, then how do you deal with Christmas? DS presumably gets 2 x Christmas celebrations and double the presents. That isn’t ’fair’ either (but as PPs have said, doesn’t make up for the fact that DS has to split his life between two homes while his siblings get to live with both of their parents).

Do your DDs get extra presents to make it fair?