To go on holiday with DD’s, but not DS?

So he hasn’t suffered? I think you are distorting the truth op.

You very clear has said unlikely to materialise

so you’ve dedicated your day to arguing on mumsnet about a scenario that is “unlikely” and you “don’t think is materialising”

Maybe Dad’s adopted the same mindset and is hoping OP is taking son abroad so he, stepmum and other child can have a guilt-free DS-free holiday too!

Op, you are now making this all about you. You need to make more effort with your son to ensure he never ever feels pushed out, not less. Waiting until he is busy and quickly booking a holiday is going to give the message that he isn’t really wanted or included. It should be his choice, and his choice only to stop family holidays when he feels too old for them. Only then would it be okay to go away with the younger dc. YABVU to have such a victim complex about it. This is not about your feelings or choices, but how to make your son feel completely welcome now you have a new family, he has been through enough.

Not as negative as being part of a family where the parents are at best unhappy or at worst actively dislike each other. There is so much judgement on blended/separated families on this site. Not every child from a ‘broken home’ is doomed to have issues from it. Of course in an ideal world it wouldn’t happen but life is unpredictable and those suggesting the op (and her ex of course, don’t forget him) are selfish and feckless and raising a child who will be emotionally damaged because they split, are sadly out of touch with reality.

She’s intentionally choosing her son’s week with his dad so she can go on a holiday as a unit of 4 without him, when she could just book a different week. It’s entirely her choice to exclude one of her three children from a holiday.

It’s also been mentioned that he might not even be having a holiday with his dad.

It's not excluding her son if he's already away with his dad. You can't treat all those children equally because they all have different circumstances. It's impossible.

Not dramatic at all - I think the pp is actually spot on.
In your replies you’re backtracking and framing this as ‘Dad is taking him on holiday/doing fun stuff (which is not necessarily the case as you’ve already admitted) so we’re just going to go away this week too’. When actually, as you’ve said, you’re only choosing that specific week because you effectively have childcare for the 5th person that you can’t fit neatly into a package holiday, aka, your son.
I wouldn’t do it, no. As others have said, you’re having a fun family experience without him. It doesn’t matter that he might be having fun at the same time. I’d feel the same if his Dad took holidays without him too. If you’re taking children on holiday, my view is that you take ALL of your children. You don’t wait until one is conveniently elsewhere so that you can have a cheaper holiday.

@Suncloudstars Nobody saying you're a "rubbish person", just that you risk taking a rubbish desicion if you exclude your son.

He will feel less loved and cared (even if he isn't) for so please please spare him that.

I haven’t misread anything.

I chose to delete because some posters were particularly nasty and chose to misunderstand and wrote horrible untrue things about my db. Didn't leave anyone hanging because I said I would be supportive of DB.

you’re not a rubbish person. I really don’t like it when these things become attacks and you really shouldn’t be attacked. To me people have disagreed, that doesn’t make you bad at all - if you were bad you wouldn’t have bothered to take the time and step back and think about this. What you say is true and logical. I think it’s just that your son may not follow your logic and feel left out. It’s not about the holiday or how many holidays people go on - more about the time together and inclusion in that. So what about organising your time off to coincide when with you and spending the budget you have for all of you together. Blended family posts very often trigger people’s own experiences and I think anger gets directed at posters which really is from their own experiences and its projection of their anger to someone else. Don’t feel bad and don’t feel you have to explain yourself. Do step back and think your son may see it differently to you though - not saying he will - just know my daughter would in similar situation. Whatever you decide I hope it all works out for all xx

So you say it would be “shit” to do if he doesn’t go abroad with his dad

and also

His dad had previously told me that he was looking to take him abroad, but I don’t think that is now materialising.

so best plan on not going without him surely?

God no, don’t ask him. He might feel he has to say it’s ok if he feels he has to so you can go away too.

op, you can’t go away and not take him. Not unless you want to destroy your relationship with him.

In your op you said that your DS going abroad with his dad is unlikely to materialise and yet you are stating it now as if it’s been agreed?