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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go on holiday with DD’s, but not DS?

886 replies

Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 12:28

DS(14) is from a previous relationship and spends approximately 1/3rd of his time with his dad. I also have 2 DD’s (9 and 4) with DP.

The 5 of us went on an amazing long haul holiday for 3 weeks over the Easter holidays.

I would love to book a week away over the school summer holidays - but a cheaper, last minute sort of thing as the other holiday was an expensive one (and the main holiday of the year). however the price for all 5 of us is too much; but we could afford the cost for 2 adults and 2 DD’s.

As well as his usual days each week, DS is spending a full week with his dad over one of the school holiday weeks. His dad had previously told me that he was looking to take him abroad, but I don’t think that is now materialising. There’s still the possibility that they may have a UK break instead.

Would I be unreasonable to book a holiday abroad for myself, DP and 2 DD’s for the same week that DS is going to spend the week with his dad?

It feels slightly wrong to go without him, but I also think that he is with his dad for the week who will be taking him places/potentially going away so he’s still going to be having a good time/having experiences etc.

We can’t afford to go away a different week and take him with us. So it’s the difference between going without him whilst he’s with his dad, and not going at all.

Aibu to think that whilst he’s with his dad, it’s his dads responsibility to take him away/plan things to do with him for the week and to not feel guilty if we take DD’s away?

OP posts:
Moonnstars · 08/07/2025 21:23

You still haven't replied to the point about leaving the 4 year old and taking DS. Therefore the older children go, and youngest stays with grandparents. How would you feel in that situation?

Windytum · 08/07/2025 21:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 21:13

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

How do you know if I’ve been looking for holidays for 5 people or not? Or even holidays for 4 for that matter…

do I need to provide screenshot evidence to random strangers on the internet, to prove that I’m complying with the majority opinion so that I can be congratulated for taking on board their opinions?

OP posts:
Original poster
Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 21:09

diterictur · 08/07/2025 21:03

In all of your posts, you still haven't really answered why you want to do it.

Initially it sounded like it was about saving money but then you got all "I have loads of money, it's not about money" about it.

There's clearly some kind of reason for why you want to go away without him.

I have.

“IF” DS was to go on holiday with his dad, then I didn’t think it would be too much of a bad thing to also take the girls away on a holiday at the same time. So that they don’t miss out; and also because it’s the chance for another holiday. Yes it would be cheaper, but if DS was also enjoying a holiday abroad, I didn’t realise it would be such a bad thing.

everyone’s lifestyle is different and individual; for our lifestyle and relationships, I didn’t think it would be so much of a big deal. I personally don’t think DS would feel excluded; he’s a smart boy and I know that after a chat, he would more than likely see that he’s not being excluded or missing out, IF he was also going on holiday with his dad.

there is no reason to be wanting to go away without him.

we are not a “one family holiday a year” sort of family; so the emphasis on it being one super special time a year is perhaps not the same for us, as it is for some others.

I’ve since discovered most people don’t agree.

OP posts:
Windytum · 08/07/2025 21:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

londongirl12 · 08/07/2025 21:07

LakesLovely123 · 08/07/2025 20:46

Sometimes one child won't enjoy what another child would. So say she planned a trip to Peppa Pig World, dragging her son around with her to 'not leave him out' would be detrimental to her son.

Some kids don't enjoy camping, some do. Some kids only like going on holiday if they have their own room. Some don't enjoy beach holidays some do.

As a parent it's best to tailor things to your child's needs not drag everyone around regardless.

She doesn't need to only holiday as a family of five that's ridiculous. She obviously knows her son better than you do, she can tailor things to suit everyone.

Edited
Show quote history

She’s not talking about a trip to peppa pig world though is she. She’s talking about a holiday abroad and not taking DS as she can’t afford it. That’s not the same as leaving DS behind as he hates camping.

Cakeandcardio · 08/07/2025 21:05

I would say if he was going abroad with dad then that is one small perk of having a broken home and living with step siblings. There can't be many. But I would still take him abroad with me and he would have two holidays. I cannot understand what you are thinking to exclude your son. If you can't afford to do things for all of your children then you shouldn't have had the third instead of excluding your first baby.

diterictur · 08/07/2025 21:03

In all of your posts, you still haven't really answered why you want to do it.

Initially it sounded like it was about saving money but then you got all "I have loads of money, it's not about money" about it.

There's clearly some kind of reason for why you want to go away without him.

Original poster
Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 21:02

Acethrower · 08/07/2025 20:54

And that was more important than trying to find a holiday for 5 that meets your budget?

Show quote history

Why are you so bothered by that?

OP posts:
anotherwordforit · 08/07/2025 21:01

LakesLovely123 · 08/07/2025 20:46

Sometimes one child won't enjoy what another child would. So say she planned a trip to Peppa Pig World, dragging her son around with her to 'not leave him out' would be detrimental to her son.

Some kids don't enjoy camping, some do. Some kids only like going on holiday if they have their own room. Some don't enjoy beach holidays some do.

As a parent it's best to tailor things to your child's needs not drag everyone around regardless.

She doesn't need to only holiday as a family of five that's ridiculous. She obviously knows her son better than you do, she can tailor things to suit everyone.

Edited
Show quote history

If she left the youngest DD out of the holiday because it was more suited to older children then I think that would also be horrible and unfair. When you have a young family you do all holiday together and try your best to find something that suits everyone. My kids have a bit of an age gap so it’s tricky, but that’s the decision I made and the family I created so I can’t just leave one behind to make it work.

Acethrower · 08/07/2025 20:54

Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 20:46

Because I’ve tried to answer people’s questions.

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And that was more important than trying to find a holiday for 5 that meets your budget?

Mumofferal3 · 08/07/2025 20:51

Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 14:28

I’m not, I’m trying to understand others viewpoints to see if I can agree that I’m in the wrong. No point in asking for an opinion and then not trying to understand the logic behind it. There’s no personal growth there is there.

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Sorry I must say.

OP you came to mumsnet for an opinion. You have then criticised every opinion that has gone against your own true feelings.

Noone is ever going to say its fine.

The only people's opinion/ input should be your son's and possibly his dad if he can manage a holiday with him. The son may not want to go/ he may have plans. But the one thing he will thank you for is not trusting him to be grown up enough to have an opinion.

My 12 yo, would relish the idea of his sibs going on holiday without him especially if he had plans. But teen boy minds are delicate. Show him love and respect and he will provide you with the input you need.

Stop arguing with musnetters about it

choccytime · 08/07/2025 20:49

You asked for opinions and you got them , it's mean of you to leave him out , end of .

Original poster
Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 20:46

Acethrower · 08/07/2025 20:41

I have posted 6 times
versus your

….

76!

Because I’ve tried to answer people’s questions.

OP posts:
LakesLovely123 · 08/07/2025 20:46

londongirl12 · 08/07/2025 20:36

But it shouldn’t be whatever his dad is doing. It needs to be 2 separate things. You need to holiday as a family of 5.

Show quote history

Sometimes one child won't enjoy what another child would. So say she planned a trip to Peppa Pig World, dragging her son around with her to 'not leave him out' would be detrimental to her son.

Some kids don't enjoy camping, some do. Some kids only like going on holiday if they have their own room. Some don't enjoy beach holidays some do.

As a parent it's best to tailor things to your child's needs not drag everyone around regardless.

She doesn't need to only holiday as a family of five that's ridiculous. She obviously knows her son better than you do, she can tailor things to suit everyone.

Original poster
Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 20:45

Acethrower · 08/07/2025 20:40

Pointing out that you generally seem a bit upset and angry?

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Well wouldn’t you after a load of strangers have just basically accused you of being a shit person?

and I’m not referring to the well-meaning posters.

OP posts:
Ontobetterthings · 08/07/2025 20:43

That's awful!! Don't do this.

Acethrower · 08/07/2025 20:41

I have posted 6 times
versus your

….

76!

Acethrower · 08/07/2025 20:40

Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 20:35

What’s to explain?

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Pointing out that you generally seem a bit upset and angry?

londongirl12 · 08/07/2025 20:36

Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 20:14

Obviously I wouldn’t make any plans (in regards to anything; before it’s misconstrued) until his dad has made a decision on what he plans to do.

I feel like you’re clutching at straws here.

Show quote history

But it shouldn’t be whatever his dad is doing. It needs to be 2 separate things. You need to holiday as a family of 5.

Original poster
Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 20:35

Acethrower · 08/07/2025 20:34

Come again?

Show quote history

What’s to explain?

OP posts:
Original poster
Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 20:35

Soulfulunfurling · 08/07/2025 20:28

So he hasn’t suffered? I think you are distorting the truth op.

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Obviously there’ll have been times along the way where there has been the odd little issue here and there; but not to the extent that a lot of posters are referring to.

OP posts:
Acethrower · 08/07/2025 20:34

Suncloudstars · 08/07/2025 20:26

Resorting to bullying tactics? You must be a lovely person. You must have a wonderfully perfect, happy life too.

Grow up.

Funnily enough you seem to have dedicated an awful lot of time to this post yourself…I wonder why…

Show quote history

Come again?

Bicolar · 08/07/2025 20:32

.

LakesLovely123 · 08/07/2025 20:28

anotherwordforit · 08/07/2025 20:16

She’s intentionally choosing her son’s week with his dad so she can go on a holiday as a unit of 4 without him, when she could just book a different week. It’s entirely her choice to exclude one of her three children from a holiday.

It’s also been mentioned that he might not even be having a holiday with his dad.

Show quote history

She's since said she's no longer considering it unless her ex is definitely taking him away.

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