To go on holiday with DD’s, but not DS?

This may not even still be active but having just come across this thread, as an adult who grew up with two families, this happened to me on both sides, more than once. I've never forgotten it. It has affected my view on all of my parents and how they are happy to treat myself and my older brother differently, because they were able to palm us off with the other parents. It won't matter what reasoning you can think of, it will still likely hurt him all the same. It hurt me deeply- feeling like I was expendable and could just be dropped when it made things more affordable/convenient. So as someone with real experience of this, I wouldn't recommend it.

Wow you suck as a parent, you are purposefully making him miss out from family time. The fact that he may or may not go abroad with his father is completely irrelevant, he is still being excluded from your new family because mom decided he isn't worth it.
You won't die if you don't go on one holiday, but you might have relationship issues with your son if you do. If you absolutely can't afford one extra person you have no business going. Save up and go together next time.
You're just giving him the message that any time you "can't afford" something you will easily cast him aside, he is the only candidate to miss out while you and your new family go have fun together.
WTF is wrong with you.

Still? She hasn’t actually posted on the thread for a couple of weeks at least.

So almost everyone on here has said it's a dreadful idea and why, and the OP is still trying to defend the decision.

Why bother asking for opinions if you're just going to ignore them?

What’s the budget diff @Suncloudstars between family of 4 /2dc and family of 5/3dc

if you said what you can afford /budget I’m sure many would find the perfect holiday for 5

Any update OP?

That’s completely different. You were ill and left behind. Your family clearly shouldn’t have left you and were very cruel to do so.

The op’s child will be going to their fathers, possibly going holiday or doing other things with that side of their family. Regardless of whether op goes abroad or sits at home for a week, her ds still won’t be there.

When I was little, I had asthma quite badly, pneumonia a couple of times with it. We went on holiday every year, just a caravan site, for a week.

I still remember the feeling one year when I must have been particularly unwell, that my parents and siblings went on holiday and I was left behind to stay with my grandmother. I couldn’t really believe they were leaving me behind! I even remember they bought me a gift (swingball) to ease their guilt. I’ve never forgotten that feeling, it sticks with you.

I think, as others, that you would be unreasonable to go without your son. I’m not sure if you used money as a factor to garner the support that you appear to be very keen on getting. You can justify it to yourself however you want to achieve congruence, but the fact remains it’s a shitty thing to do and in my view, even worse to ask him if he is okay with it. There is no ‘gentle’ way to do that. He may just give you the answer you want so as to not upset you or feel guilty for holding you back!

On purpose, you’d purposely be going then so you didn’t have to take him. If money is no object, why do you want to go in that week specifically?

Still stalker behaviour hun. I hope you had fun!

It’s a very simple exercise hun.

That’s quite stalkerish thing to do to count my posts. I feel very sorry for you that you wasted your time on a pointless exercise

You have posted on this thread over 30 times. I’m pretty sure it is you who is rattled.

Yes and I am not surprised you have taken the stance you have but it’s still baffling Oh and thanks for the further insult about editing my post. You probably don’t realise what the editing feature is for and why waste time and write three separate posts.

My Dds dad did this often. The resentment she feels is huge. I dont think their relationship will ever recover really. It ran over into lots of things like she gets £100 cash at xmas her step sister gets £100s. Step sis has latest iPhone every time. DD has a second hand old one I bought her. She feels like a second class citizen getting crumbs from the table. Yes she has me and I give her what I can but he is seriously loaded and has a totally different lifestyle and outlook. He has no idea how she feels but it will bubble up one day and now shes 23 and starting her own career and wont need him as much any more I cant see the relationship doing well. You sound just like her step mum who drives it all and he floats along with it all.

Did you read why?

My DS has a different dad. Never ever lived with his dad as a " family" unit.

If you want to put it that way HE would be the one that was left behind without it being his choice. And he's the one one who is the child of the " new man"

And I don't think my DDs " suffered" much from my breakup with their Dad. He only lived with us full time for about 18 months after leaving the Army and quickly became abusive etc. DD2s only memories of us living together was him holding a knife to my throat. I suspect they would suffer more if id stayed and kept their family intact

You've really sat her arguing back and forth for 5 pages?

Give it a rest, you've obviously made up your mind to go without him so go ahead and stop wasting time (yours and other posters) on mumsnet.

I question the intellectual capacity of anyone who spends 5 pages arguing with strangers on mumsnet, do what you want, no one here will be impacted by any consequences future or now

i agree. This person seems almost proud of the fact she’s only taken all three on holiday together a handful of times.

Do all your kids come from and have an intact family? Or have their parents split up and moved on to create new families, leaving the children to suffer from that breakup?

That will make a big difference as to them being affected by being excluded from holidays.

Edit as commented on wrong post

I wouldn't do this. The child isn't stupid, he will know that if he says no then he is preventing the holiday from going ahead and might worry he will be resented for that. Just because he says he is okay with it, it doesn't mean he is or that he won't see things differently afterwards.

EDIT: Also, even if he said no, he will know it was being considered, won't he? Which could result in him feeling excluded regardless.

I think that whether or not it is fair and he feels excluded is a red herring.
What’s hurtful here is that you care more about the holiday than being with him. You don’t want to compromise on cost or location so that he can be a part of it, you’d rather just leave him behind. If my mum had written a post asking this it would have broken my heart. And not because I wanted the holiday.

Gosh some very strong opinions on here.
Me took all our family (and a friend) away on a beautiful holiday at the beginning of the year. DD then went on a v posh holiday with her dad in May. We took her young siblings away for 4 nights while she was away in a last minute super cheap break as they’d had such a wonderful time away before and she was away anyway. She wasn’t remotely bothered. I think tho, if they’d not been away themselves, she would have been upset to miss out so my answer entirely depends on if he gets a holiday with his dad.