Friend shouted at my 2 year old

Given that you know what kind of a parent she is, why are you surprised? She saw your kid behaving badly towards her mum in her house and responded accordingly.

It’s not the end of the world. If you’re genuinely good friends you’ll brush it off and leave it.

Your friend has hot no business disciplining you child when you are sat right there in the room. Tell her that you won't tolerate her shouting after your child.

TBH, I think you are two extremes of parenting. I don't like either, but realistically, it's your child for you to parent as you please.

Now it she hit the dog or another child, and you didn't say anything, then I'd think her telling your kid off is fair.

But you still do it though, really what is the difference. You do it, but only “rarely”. Okay that makes it right then 🤣

From other kids with similar levels of impulse control

Not from adults of whom I'd expect more

Myself included. I'm not infallible. I am telling you I shout rarely and try to avoid it. Not like those on here who seem to think it's not just justifiable but good parenting

Honestly, you sound like a great mum, and it is perfectly understandable that you want to parent very differently from the abusive way your parents raised you.

Your friend was completely out of order. It wasn't her place to shout at your daughter and you have obviously bitten your lip many times to not criticise her parenting of her children.

If you speak to her about it, will she take it on board or will she fall out with you?

Well clearly lazy and rubbish parenting but you still do it…. You do realise that kids shout and bully? So yes, yours may very well encounter that.

I agree. And she definitely should not have shouted at your DC.

HOWEVER:
Having no boundaries / and or refusing to enforce discipline is neglectful and potentially abusive. I do not know you and therefore obviously don't know whether that actually applies to you and your family.
I hope I am mistaken but I do get that kind of vibe from you, unfortunately...

As I said I try very hard not to shout at my kids because shouting is clearly lazy and rubbish parenting. They are therefore rarely shouted at.

What is hypocritical in that? Noones claiming perfection surely? Just that shouting is not ok. And not shouting doesn't mean they won't behave beautifully at school and nursery.

Ahh, how naive. I suggest you don’t shout at your kids, it’s coming off as super hypocritical.

OP please do not listen to the posters saying you are being a bit ‘precious’. You are your child’s mother, of course you need to be precious about their welfare. I think a calm and ‘non-shouty’ environment is a safe and loving environment for your child and you are doing an amazing job.

if I were you I would address this with your friend as she will likely do it again. You can say that you don’t believe in shouting at children and you do not need or want her to do that again.

"If that was my teenager....." Hahahaha, wait until you've got one.

Mine are in nursery and school, love it and are praised for their behaviour and manners. And no one screams at them at nursery or school either.

Experienced at screaming and hitting is not useful experience

I shout at my kids, we all get frustrated

I definitely don't shout at someone else's kids

And I don't think it's ok to shout at my kids, I'm constantly working on not doing it. I definitely don't hit my kids, I'd be referring myself for therapy if I did.

I think when our children are small any criticism of them is painful. Arriving at school or nursery can be a shock as tolerated behaviour at home can be seen less than desirable.

your friend has teens she is an experienced mum, look back on this in the future and it will not be a big deal.

Duplicate comment

I think you’ve triggered a lot of mums who clearly shout at their kids and so you’re getting defensive replies.

I think shouting shows a loss of control and that’s fine occasionally, we’re all human, but yeah I’m going to try my hardest not to shout or scream at my children. I can be firm and tell them off without raising my voice

Id probably keep my distance from DF for a while

Wait till the child gets to nursery, they’re going to be in for a massive shock of a raised voice is classed as bullying.

Screams at 2 yr olds, hits her own kids.
.what would you call it?

And I’ll add, maybe I got lucky with mine as teens but our home has always been chill and fun (apart from a few peri moments from me) so I’ve never had cocky teenagers. They’re beautiful, considerate people who need reminding to tidy their rooms etc (so do I sometimes) but they speak to each other respectfully- kindness & respect is the law of our house.

I’m totally with you. What you start now will come back to you. Distraction worked wonders when mine were young. I always used to pretend I saw a mouse. It would snap them out of unwanted behaviour quickly. They’d start looking for it with me. I saw a mum struggling to get her paddying child to walk a couple of months back so I told them (with a wink to mum) a mouse had gone under a hedge. The little girl ran to look. It was like magic. 🐭

Violent and abusive bully? Christ...

Whaaaaat? This is basically a baby we're talking about here.

Under 2s have impulse control issues and it's completely normal age appropriate behaviour to hit or similar when over excited. It's our job to teach them not to do that.

Y'all react by yelling at your kids to assert your personal boundaries ? That doesn't seem a little nutty ?

Mine is 2.5 and has basically stopped doing this. I used to react by warning her once (in a normal, firm voice), then if she couldn't calm down I'd put her down, which sent a pretty firm message. Or if it was a thing I knew she knew shouldn't be done and was just testing what happens - I'd skip the warning.

I'm not going to pretend I did that perfectly every time, but mostly I did, and I never saw the times I didn't react that way as a good thing. That was about me losing my cool, not being a good parent. I've always aimed to be a calm parent, because that's what I respect in people, and I want my kids to respect me and learn to feel calm themselves.

Yelling just escalates in an overwrought toddler. Calm, firm and consistent works just fine.

I also have a 15 year old who I used the same parenting approach with. You'll be happy to know he does not go round pulling hair and hitting people due to me not yelling assertive boundaries at him whilst he was essentially a baby. He's a normal, pleasant 15 yo who I have a great relationship with.

'Gentle parenting' wasn't a thing when he was little, it was just called 'not yelling at babies who don't understand'. But people also didn't feel such a compulsion to assert boundaries or over-explain why we don't do xyz in such an intentional way.

I'd also be pissed off if someone yelled at my under-2.

You dont see nursery staff doing that because, lets face it, it's not exactly parenting best practice, is it ?

If you yell at someone who doesn't speak English as a first language - do they understand what you're saying better? Or do you just look like an idiot yelling at a confused person?

Whilst your friend shouldn’t have shouted, I’m sure plenty of mums with teenagers are laughing at your naivety at what it’s like to parent teens.