Friend shouted at my 2 year old

She shouldn’t have shouted out when she saw your DC pull your hair out of ‘excitement’

I have never seen a child become violent with their parents due to excitement at all

Regardless of this incident, the way you’ve absolutely slated your friend and her troubles with her DC reveals a superiority judgey complex, you definitely feel better than her

You’re not her friend and are a precious pearl clutcher

So you’ve criticised her parenting but don’t like it when she criticises yours? Also, wait until you DO have a teenager and then you’ll see just how silly your assertions are about how you’ll be with them.

I wouldn't be around her with my child again. I also wouldn't have continued a friendship in the first place with someone who hit their kids. It's illegal where I live, I'd have reported. I understand you may have felt conflicted if you wanted to try and have a relationship with the children for their sakes. Either way I wouldn't see her again, or if you do make sure it's when you don't have your children with you.

So you're the boss and strict when it comes to teenagers complying but how do you think you arrive at the point where teenagers behave? It starts when they're 2 and pulling mummy's hair. It doesn't start when they're 14 and refusing to go to school one day.

I doubt it. Do you have tangible proof of this. Research backed evidence?

As so often on MN I don’t quite see this the same way as others. When I first read this my immediate thought was that the friend was experiencing ptsd because to me her reaction is extreme. It is unsettling that many of you think her reaction is normal. It sounds as though the friend is not coping and needs help. Op couldn’t see this in the moment because she felt attacked and understandably upset. It is good that she didn’t react as things could have escalated. Troubling.

You probably do a bit if your child is hitting you or pulling your hair, otherwise you'll end up with a real problem on your gentle hands.

You’re mistaken. Who said I was on about the teachers? Children shout too no? Children can be bullies too, no?

Do n’t worry, Op. some of us are intelligent enough to get the gist of what you were saying because we have all seen this scenario many times (not your friend shouting but the overexcited toddler going too far). I have always admired the mothers who exercise restraint. It is fantastic parenting. Some parents talk to their children rather than shout at them because they realise that they are too young to understand all their actions and have to be taught. You don’t go around pulling their hair because they pulled yours. I wonder if some of these people are just a bit jealous because they can’t control themselves - as you can tell from some of the posts. It is great to witness how you have withstood the pile-on. You are a good role model.

I love these threads where the OP doesn't get the required internet validation and so flounces off with a few parting shots for reassurance they won. Peak fora.

What about small children who don't misbehave? Should they still be regularly shouted at to get them used to any shouty aggressive people they may encounter outside their home?

I grew up in a violent house too and parent my kids differently. I think that's pretty common tbh.

No shouting, no smacking (hitting, it's hitting), clear rules consistently held. We are not trying to raise brats either, we are still parenting!
FWIW I've ended up with kids who were nice and easy teenagers, and are nice young adults.

A lot of shitty parents seemed to have piled on this thread. A two year old is basically still a baby, their brain literally can't make those connections yet. Take a step back from this woman.

I have a teen (and a toddler) and I still think it's utter crap to yell at a toddler like that.

It's not like I've never yelled, but I've never thought it was OK when I did.

Treat your young children the way you want them to treat you as a teenager.

They all go through a difficult stage, at 15, mines emerged into a great kid who knows that people who do things like get road rage have lost control of themselves and are total inconsiderate idiots. People who can stay calm in a crisis he has respect for.

The responses on here are insane. She was way over the top. I would be taking a step back from her. I would find it hard to be around someone who parents like that. All the people saying you are precious for not having a shouty household, maybe they have a guilty conscience because they are being a bit defensive. It's 2025. Any minor google search will show you that shouting at and humiliating children is not an effective way to parent. Times have moved on from that. You wouldn't do that to someone at work, so why do it to a child. Everyone defending that needs to do some research.

So why are you even posting on a thread that you think is so ridiculous and a 'non event'. You have only posted to mock and belittle the OP. It's very clear that her parenting style is a direct result of growing up in a shouty and abusive home and not wanting to replicate it in any way.

Your posts is just twatty.

I hear this on here. My three teens aren’t like this and none of my friends’ teens are either. Mind you, we don’t allow phones upstairs until year 12 at school so maybe that’s the difference - they have to be downstairs 😂

they’ve all said they want to come on holiday with us forever 😩🙈😂

I do shout sometimes because sometimes dc are dicks. It wasn’t the friend’s place to discipline, you were right there, but you’re also very analytical and critical of her parenting and until you’re at the teen stage maybe hold your opinions. Dd3 has a friend whose mum never shouts - she told her mum to fuck off yesterday morning. My dd would never speak to me like that.

This.

OP you will more than likely raise your voice at your child at some point. You can be firm without shouting. I get it because I was the same when mine was two but if she still keeps doing it despite you ‘explaining’ not to, then a firm ‘no’ would be appropriate. You will need to be a little tougher as she gets older.

Im all for attachment parenting before age of three but after that, you need to start gradually introducing firm boundaries. That means sometimes she needs to be told no and does what she is told. You won’t always have time to have a long deep and meaningful over every mistake she makes.

The first post often sets the tone and gives a green light for others to pile on the OP.

I really doubt that these posters would welcome a friend shouting at one of their children. For some reason, many posters will take an OP's description of their parenting style which is different from theirs as a personal slight or criticism of the way they parent their own children.

Have you decided what are you going to do about it?

15years is a long time to be friends with someone, to cut them out over an isolated incident, however shouting at someone else's child is a big no.

I like that you are kind and considerate with your DD but just be careful that doesn't spill over into judgement against others. Being the single parent of teenagers is a different ball game.

Also remember there will be times in the future that your DD gets shouted at by someone, (school, sports clubs, bullies) you can't be there to protect her from all of that.

Finally, I know it's considered "normal" for kids to bite and pull hair these days, but in my time it really wasn't. I'd deal with that by a short loud "No" too.

Sorry you are getting a hard time from the angry parenting brigade op. Of course it is much better not to shout at kids unless they are in imminent danger. You sound like a great parent who has also been a supportive friend over the years. Don’t go changing to please a bunch of people on the internet.

Ive always said this (re schools) and now Ive realised that now my kids are teens I couldn’t make them do anything if they didn’t want to. Fortunately at the moment I don’t have to, but if they absolutely refused I don’t know what I’d do

You don't shout at someone else's child, particularly when their mum is sitting right there. I used to shout at my children and looking back, I really regret it. I have never shouted at my grandchildren as it is not my place to do so. They are not my children.

OP has mentioned her friend's parenting style of shouting and smacking because it hasn't had the desired result of raising well behaved and polite children.

No you’re not precious. I agree with you, as a parent and someone who has worked with children for many years.