Friend shouted at my 2 year old

She saw your child pulling your hair and there being no consequence or even anything said to the child. So she decided to say something. It takes a village. You say that you came and helped her parent her kids, she's doing the same.

I know right! Maybe you should call the police as people may be in danger. Maybe OP's toddler is as evil as Stewie from Family Guy.

Just because we are not a shouty house does not mean that we don’t have rules, consequences and boundaries. We simply don’t feel the need to shout to be in control or have the upper hand

You’d hate our household. We are very shouty. For everything. Shouty when we are happy, shouty when we are excited, shouty when we are unhappy in general or with each other. Basically, shouty about the weather! Nothing to do with being controlling or having the upper hand🤷‍♀️.

I was on your side until you said “if that was my teenager”. You have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about, you have one child who is 2. The only person more clueless about parenting than you is someone who has never had children or is pregnant with their first.

I don’t have any teenagers but I learnt my lesson quickly enough with my children so I’d never be so foolish to say “my children will never do that”.

Your mate shouldn’t have corrected your child, you should have but given how you’ve come across in this thread maybe she thinks you’re a pushover 🤷🏻‍♀️

She should not have shouted at your child. I think we’ve all disagreed with our friends parenting styles from time to time but You are judgmental of her parenting and making assumptions too. Teenagers can be difficult, some prefer to be in their rooms and at some point do not want to go on family holidays so it’s not necessarily the way they were parented. I used to shout alot when mine were younger and there were definite boundries in place. My kids are now all adults and we have a normal, close relationship.

Does she? We never shout in my house either, shouting demonstrates total loss of control. I’m a teacher and have never shouted at a class either, I can discipline effectively without needing to and frankly I’d be embarrassed at letting a child make me lose control of myself like that. My DH grew up in a shouty house and ended up really struggling to express his opinions as an adult as he was so used to getting shouted over.

They spend all their time in their bedrooms and she recently told me she booked a holiday with them and none of them want to go

🤣🤣🤣 Tell us you have no experience of teens without telling us you have no experience of teens. If you come back in 16 years and read this you will cringe.

We have read the thread OP.

you're just extremely hostile to any opinion that doesn’t say you’re 100% correct and perfect.

Right. The very name "gentle" sets up a false dichotomy - if they are gentle the rest of the world must be rough. Many "gentle" parents do come across as smug, which is unfortunate because many of them are going to be anything but smug as the years go by.

The biggest disservice "gentle" parents do for their kids is assuming they are little adults, putting feelings first over pretty much everything and teaching them in nearly every interaction that they are not just the centre of their parents' world (which is as it should be) they are the centre of everyone else's world too.

The reality is that it is hugely appropriate to say to a child "No, stop that, do not hurt Timmy, say you are sorry to Timmy" and THEN to discuss why that was unacceptable if the kid is old enough to understand it. This places the child where they are supposed to be, in a community where they are required to care about other people's feelings or at least fake caring in order to get anywhere, not king of the castle allowed to harm others with nothing but a "gentle" lecture or other irrelevant consequence.

It's also absolutely perfectly fine to say to a child "Hurry up, you're going to make us all late" if that is a true and appropriate comment, it's teaching them personal responsibility that others have needs and rights and that dawdling is sometimes selfish and can harm others who have equal needs and rights to theirs. A discussion about that can be had once you are in the car.

The choices are not "use gentle hands" and DON'T HIT ME YOU LITTLE SHIT!!! It's not "I NEVER shout" or "I yell and scream".

To be honest, if I hear someone saying "use gentle hands" I always think of the scene from the Simpsons where they are trying to figure out why Ned has emotional problems, and it turns out his parents were hippy (gentle) parents. Obviously, just a cartoon, but with a reasonable understanding of what "gentle" parenting often means in real terms.

Can't post the image - it's the hippy parents saying to the child psychologist who is trying to treat child Ned's angry outbursts. Ned's dad says "Help us! We've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas!"

Without any negotiation 🤣

I would be shocked if my friend did this too. Shouting at someone else's child is unacceptable in my opinion, unless you are trying to warn them of danger in an emergency. However, I have been in a situation with a child of an old friend who was permissibly parented (very different to gentle parenting where boundries are very clear if practiced properly) who hits her and if not stopped will problematic with other children. My friend does not intervene and this means I have had to, especially where other children might be upset. The first time was before I had children and I witnessed him hitting my friend repeatedly in the face. I was so upset to see my poor friend being hit. I did say to him, you are hurting mummy, stop, or something similar. Not shouting, but firm. I can sort of see where your friend is coming from, but she should not have shouted. I think you probably need to have a chat with here about it, but also reflect on ensuring you set firm boundaries with your child (if you do not already).

Fucking hell. Did you feel better making all that up?

Get a better hobby than trying to kick OPs in here to feel better about yourself. 😆

I don’t really understand why you came to this forum if you can’t take differing points of view.

If you wanted nothing but affirmation then why didn’t you go to the Gentle Parenting Reddit or something?

You allowed a 2yr old to behave like that, so you’re being pathetic and precious.

Whilst I don’t agree with doing it back/hitting/shouting at them. You should easily be able to firmly tell them not to. At 2 they fully understand what they can get away with and with whom. (Guarantee they never even try to with her.)

I wouldn’t bother saying anything to the friend she’ll probably distance herself over your differences in parenting anyway or choose to only see you without the kids.

I’m just giving you a differing side to this coin.

I’ve been the friend next to another mother saying these things as their kid continues to hit them or play up. Some of us don’t have the patience for it and feel quite uncomfortable seeing a fellow mother being hit, bitten etc where the kid clearly isn’t listening. Sometimes we as mothers can’t see past our own children’s behaviour.

As you seem quite hostile to differing opinions, maybe you need to end the friendship.

This.

I agree with this.

I was at my dad’s house the other day with my kid and he checked with me that he could tell her off as she’s going through a boundary pushing phase. I appreciated him asking (especially in his own house, which is key for OP here who was in her friends house) and I think it does take a village.

But that village has to be on the same page as you with what is correct behaviour and how to discipline. Luckily my dad is so it works well. There’s no confusion for my kid then.

OP sounds very judgemental of her friend and my post above says that I had to close off some friendships due to differing parenting styles. Sometimes that’s what you have to do if it’s going to cause animosity.

OP your parenting style is similar to my own and I’ve brought two children up to adulthood who are lovely and wonderful people. They often tell me how glad they are that they were brought up in a calm home as so many of their friends have fractious relationships with their parents, caused by confrontational and shouty upbringings. My son says he seems to be the only one (including his gf) who loves coming back home from uni as it’s a haven away from the outside stresses. You and your dd will reap the benefits of a calm (with boundaries) home.

She shouldn't have shouted at your child, you shouldn't have judged and commented on her teenages, either you support each other or you don't.