Friend shouted at my 2 year old

Perhaps that's why some kids are the way they are these days, because no one will get them in trouble and even when the one person who is the only person allowed to get them in trouble does it so weakly....well, it's not exactly a recipe for success, is it? When we're at a family gathering or among friends, if my child does something naughty and if I don't see it then family/or friends are more than welcome to discipline her.

Shout households CAN be abusive.
When my DC were younger, I was experiencing very poor mental health and I was too shouty with them. It was scary for them and I'd class it as me being verbally and emotionally abusive.
I will never forgive myself for this, nor should I.
I got better, I'm a much better parent now, but the damage is done, because I see my children flinch if my voice is too loud.
So, I'd far rather see a parent like OP, than one like her friend, with children.

OP - it is perfectly normal for year olds to hit/slap/ bite occasionally, it is the prime age for this behaviour,which they will grow out of. Just because all children don't do it doesn't mean it isn't normal (Not all children tantrum, not all children suck their thumb, not all children are shy when they meet a new person - doesn;t make any of these behaviours abnormal)

What i find very strange is that the parents who are outraged by this kind of perecly normal behaviour n an over excited year old, are the pften the ones who use violence against their onm children. Your friend being a case in point, she shouted at your hild for pullng you hair, but thought it perfectly OK for her, a big grown up woman who can presumably emotionally regulate, to hit tiny people.

I think from some of the responses on here we can see who the shouters and hitters are, sad to see there are so many verbally and physically violent parents around. And those mocking you for saying 'we are not a shouty household' presumbaly they would say 'we are a shouty household' and be proud of their inability to control themseves around children. Shame on them for thier inadequacy.

It is never necessary to shout at a 2 year old , they respond perfectly well to a firm tone and an appropriate consequence if behaviour continues.
You are doing a great job OP, I would give this friend a wide berth, she sounds horrible.

Well obviously if I wasn't there, I'd expect whoever was looking after my kids to discipline them if necessary, and appropriately. Which is why certain of my family members have never been allowed to look after my kids! (They are now teenagers and tbh I am pretty proud of them).

It must be confusing for kids if they're parented a certain way at home - ie gentle parenting - and then go to school, which obviously has to have much stricter standards of discipline. Mixed messages there. I should think that's got a lot to do with why some kids are like they are - although there have always been kids that bite and hair-pull, even in the days before 'gentle parenting' was a thing!

That's not gentle parenting, it's not parenting at all. Some people label it gentle parenting so they can lie to themselves and say they're parenting when they're not.

Everything is contextual, and there's always a context for shouting. I can shout at children on the street.

I don't think OP's friend needed to shout in this situation. I also don't think it will do any lasting damage.

Learned behaviour.

There is gentle parenting, which is incredibly hard work and intensive. And lazy parenting which is often mis-named gentle parenting.

I know a family who use gentle parenting. It looks exhausting, explaining, reasoning, discussing every situation to make the child understand the effects and consequences of their actions. The child who NEVER stops asking why. But lovely, polite, well behaved, and well adjusted, fearless and confident children.

Perhaps that's why some kids are the way they are these days, because no one will get them in trouble and even when the one person who is the only person allowed to get them in trouble does it so weakly....well, it's not exactly a recipe for success, is it? When we're at a family gathering or among friends, if my child does something naughty and if I don't see it then family/or friends are more than welcome to discipline her.

That’s all well and good if you have settled children but what are you going to do if your teenager is finding things difficult for a variety of reasons and refuses to wash or go to school?
Are you going to shower your 16 year old yourself and physically man handle them to school?
You have a very rose tinted coloured glasses view on parenting!

I don't think your judgemental she had no right shouting at your child if somebody shouted at my child probably would have taken their head off

So she's happy to slap and pull hair at home, but not the other kids at nursery?

Why is that? Because she has zero respect for you? Maybe the nursery teachers actually discipline her.

@hmm01 honestly, dont waste your breath. There's too many posters on here who will make up their own story based on what they have decided happened and no matter how many times you try to explain things, they just run with their version. Its really not worth arguing with. You could come back with a link to nanny cam footage of it and they'd still tell you it didnt happen the way the camera shows. Leave them to it. They're happier that way. They can just fight with each other about it.

You dont have to shout at your kids in order to discipline them. She should not have shouted at your child.

I'd be furious if a friend or family member disciplined my child. That's my job. So I do think your friend was out of order. I do also think 'gentle parenting' raises spoilt, entitled, badly behaved children though - certainly, that's been the case with the kids at my kids' schools. My kids have never bitten me, slapped me or or pulled my hair, even when they were tiny. They know better than to do that. I think it's really important to set boundaries when they're young so they grow into respectful teens/adults (and you don't need to yell at them or raise a hand to them to achieve this either).

I’m so glad your perfect kids never hit or bit but it is incredibly normal developmentally

It's not though. You are trying to normalise your kids behaviour (for some reason), but pulling hair and biting..... BITING!!!! is bloody awful, and likely an indicator that something is really wrong. I've got 2 kids and 7 godchildren, all now grown up, and none of them EVER behaved like this, not even once.

We have two families are our school who practice gentle parenting, as well as teaching it to others for a job - three children in each family.

All six children all have reputations for being nasty and badly behaved, are constantly in trouble with the school for bullying, fighting and pissing about in class. I constantly see these children at parties, pushing and shoving other children, purposely popping balloons and being rude to adults, while their parents offer a weak 'be kind please' from halfway across the room. One bit my youngest several times at nursery, and had I witnessed it myself, he certainly would have been shouted at, very loudly. Crappy parenting breeds vile kids.

It depends on the child - at 2 it's not that unusual.

What is does need is calm clear firm and consistsent reponse and dealing with every time - and if a known problem heading off with distraction technquies before it gets to that stage.

Op I believe you. I have a toddler who hits as well at times, it is normal

No, it's not.

All the shouty parents telling you off for being precious!

I would not spend time with someone who thought it was appropriate to shout at my children. You may discipline them however you choose they can raise an eyebrow if they don't agree but not criticize you or take the job on themselves.

My personal view, anyone who needs to shout at or hit their children is out of control and poor at parenting. There are way of bringing up well behaved children that doesn't teach them that verbal or physical abuse or threatening behavior is appropriate.

This happens very rarely, slapping, biting or pulling hair when over excited and silly

My kids never ever did this to me, and I'm afraid that I would shout if I saw a child do this. It's not normal.

Honestly I'm no fan of gentle parenting but there is a world of difference between screaming and shouting and calmly firmly telling them off - one is effective one not.

It's like when gentle parent proponents insists anything but gentle parenting is abuisve hitting or screaming - rather than occaionally raising voice and being clear and direct. If is sounds reaonable suddenly your are gentle parenting - and anything that can be misconstruned as abuse is.

Should hair pulling and hitting be dealt with - obviosuly - but undermining a parent before they have a chance to deal with it isn't helpful nether is shouting or going on a long rant - short sharp and simple at 2 all that's needed.