Friend shouted at my 2 year old

These replies are so bizarre. Of course your friend overstepped, she had no business shouting at your toddler. She sounds unpleasant, are you sure you want to continue the friendship?

I think this friendship has run it's course and you are at completely different stages of life so I would move on.

YANBU- these replies here are WILD.
of course hitting etc is age appropriate for a 2 year old- they have NO impulse control and are learning it.

also people here thinking fear and control is the only way to train a child. Has anyone read the updates in child development in the last 25 years?

your friend overstepped, your kid will be ok. Did you explain to kid after as a learning point? Eg some adults use loud voices when they are upset, hitting makes people upset.

have you tried a redirect for excitement @hmm01 ? Eg I can see you’re really excited, what could we do instead, we could clap our hands or do jazz hands’ obvs after the boundary. I find that works.

id probably just ask her not to shout at your kid and if she does it again, don’t see her with your child.

That would piss me off too. Make a note to challenge it next time. Have something already prepared to respond with. My sister was the same with my kids. We’ve both got good kids but had different ways of raising them/speaking to them (with them). I clearly remember being spoken to with respect and disrespect as a child and when I was told respectfully that something I did was wrong it was powerful and impacted me positively. Sadly, most of the time I was screamed at or hit but was never really sure why. Just left me disliking the person and causing a wedge in our relationship.

Well it’s not the end of the world OP but I would be pissed off if someone jumped in and told my child off for something before I had a chance to deal with the behaviour myself.

As for suggesting that you pull a 2 year old child’s hair? I have no words for that but wouldn’t be allowing my child around her again, she is advocating child abuse.

Duplicate

God I hadn't realised the age of criminal responsibility had reduced to 2 😆

Hmm I think some people have recognised their own "parenting style" in your description of your shouty friend and have gone on the defensive.

Shouty households are bloody awful to grow up. Well done to you OP for breaking that cycle. It can be hard not to repeat the way we were parented, even when we were damaged by it.

It was bang out of order for your friend to shout at your toddler. I think if you want to preserve the friendship you need to tell her why you left and make it clear that she crossed a line.

Agree with this. Mine are teens and I try not to shout at them but it does happen. Not when they were toddlers though. A firm "No, stop that" and a stern look was usually enough.

But OP shouldn't let her toddler hurt her. This is not helpful to him; he needs to have firm limits.

I think she’s obviously seen your gentle parenting technique and decided it doesn’t work. Yes she shouldn’t have shouted, but perhaps you passively letting your child pull your hair annoyed her.

Your parenting style made me roll my eyes if I’m honest. “Gentle hands” and explanations mean nothing to a 2 year old. Sometimes they need a bit of a shock so they learn something isn’t acceptable.

I loathe the gentle parenting style. My job has gradually gotten harder over the last 23 years because of it.

Shouting won’t hurt your DD. It’s not “ideal”, but it didn’t hurt her. Sometimes children need a bit of a shock, even if they are two.

your Dd is 2. No one should be shouting def not your friend.
She has forgotten how 2year olds behave -of course she’s excited playing with the dog

Why? I'm quite strict but I try not to shout. Certainly not at a 2 year old. She could have told him firmly "Do not hurt your mother." When it's another person than the parent telling them off they tend to listen more so no need to scare them.

OP it sounds like your gentle parenting is not working if you allow your child to hurt you with no consequences. I dread to think how the next generation will turn out with this gentle parenting phenomenon. Allowing a child to behave poorly with no discipline or consequences and teaching them they are centre of the universe does not build resilience.

I had a friend's child of a similar age pull a chunk of my hair out after grabbing it and not letting go. It was agony and the child was given no consequences, just namby pamby "gentle hands", "that's unkind" etc.

2 yr olds will occasionally lash out because it's developmentally normal.

How would you deal with with it?

There’s a middle ground somewhere here. I wouldn’t shout at my child (especially not at that age) but I’d eyeroll if I saw anyone trying to give some extended explanation as to why biting and pulling hair his wrong.

The child won’t get what you’re on about, you’re giving them a ted talk for no reason.

I think that you're way too soft in your parenting, although this is very little information to know if your daughter is spoilt or not. Any kid can randomly act out.

Your friend is totally opposite, too harsh in my opinion. If be somewhere in the middle. Sometimes people can tell without being abusive, you're traumatised by your upbringing that you're saying any type of shouts is abusive. If your baby is doing something against their own safety, wouldn't you tell at them to stop?

However, I wouldn't allow anyone besides DH and baby's care takers to yell or discipline my kid. She crossed a line and I'd have a serious conversation with her. If she does it again, deal-breaker.

You look down on her and appear not to like her very much and now she has done something you consider abusive to your child.

You won't change her, and I doubt you will change your views, so there's not much to navigate surely, just move on and don't hang out with her anymore.

Well she seems to have normalised a 2 year old slapping her, biting her and pulling her hair. 'what do we say?' clearly isn't working as a strategy there. Maybe if OP had been a bit firmer vocally with her own child she wouldn't have a 2 year old biting her, pulling her hair and slapping her.

Op don't lay into her but explain to her why you're ending the friendship. You can't have your child around a violent and abusive bully.

Nope

You don't shout at my child

That's not precious it's protection, shouting at a toddler is nuts! Especially if you're not even their parent.

“We are not a shouty house, we don’t scream and shout at our child ever.”

That might change during the bloody awful teenage years 😂

Toddlers are the easy bit.🙄

Your friend does not sound like a great parent and maybe had damaged relationships with her children. She might also be a much better parent than you have given her credit for on here with strong relationships with her children.

However imo, she has been parenting for a lot longer than you and you sound like you already think you’re an expert on parenting despite having only done it for a couple of years. Say one of your kids becomes a school refusing teen..you say this will be non negotiable but I doubt it will be a problem solved by gentle parenting with a cuddle at the end.

She was wrong to shout at your child, your parenting of your toddler sounds fine but your OP sounded like you wanted loads of pats on the back for what a top parent you are and like you wanted to put the boot into her for her parenting style. Come back in 15 years OP, with all the answers.

Oh right? Interested to hear your strategies for making a teenager do something they've decided not to, especially if it never involves any raised voices

Oh dear, your dd is going to come across shouty people OP. There’s a pupil in my class who has come from a gentle parenting home and cries often if teachers have to raise their voice, even though it’s not aimed at him.