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Original poster

Crap friend

343 replies

PerkyOchrePeer · 07/07/2025 22:43

I went on holiday last year and met up with a friend of a friend. I didnt really know her but was grateful that she offered to show me around. We didnt have much in common but rubed along ok. I thought she was a bit full on with her behaviour and wondered if she was gay. After the holiday, we went our seperate ways and i sent her the odd fìendly wassap message to which she replied to but in a cold polite but not that friend manner. The last couple of messages she totally ignored so i have now deleted her from my phone and wont be messaging her again.

I was annoyed at first because i have made an effort to remain on friendlý terms

OP posts:
Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 20/07/2025 10:41

CaptainFuture · 20/07/2025 10:40

Is this the same woman from Australia who you didn't like and thought fancied you?

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No

OP posts:
CaptainFuture · 20/07/2025 10:40

PerkyOchrePeer · 20/07/2025 10:37

Well it's too upsetting for me to see someone on messenger who had no inte tion of messaging me so I'd rather not see their name. Especially if the person is someone I really like

Is this the same woman from Australia who you didn't like and thought fancied you?

Elevenor · 20/07/2025 10:38

PerkyOchrePeer · 20/07/2025 10:37

Well it's too upsetting for me to see someone on messenger who had no inte tion of messaging me so I'd rather not see their name. Especially if the person is someone I really like

I think that's probably for the best in this instance. I do think you need to work on resetting your expectations around friendships and social interactions.

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 20/07/2025 10:37

Well it's too upsetting for me to see someone on messenger who had no inte tion of messaging me so I'd rather not see their name. Especially if the person is someone I really like

OP posts:
WaitedBlankey · 20/07/2025 10:15

PerkyOchrePeer · 20/07/2025 09:23

Being friendly to people you don't like is falsely

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Being friendly to people in general is about getting along in a society.

Unless you’re actively horrible to me I would be friendly. I don’t have to hold an opinion about you in any way shape or form to be friendly. That’s many people’s default setting for interactions.

I don’t reserve friendliness for people I know well and like. That, by definition, isn’t being friendly.

CaptainFuture · 20/07/2025 10:05

PerkyOchrePeer · 20/07/2025 09:55

I'm removing the person who complemented me from my social media messenger. She has not responded to my message and has

Been online e so it's too upsetting to see her and so I'm taking g it off. She has no intention of responding so that's that

Why is it upsetting @PerkyOchrePeer? You've said you don't like her or want to be her friend? Do you want her to want to be your friend so you can be the one rejecting her?

zingally · 20/07/2025 09:59

What's the problem? A friend of a friend offered to show you around (presumably as a bit of a favour to your mutual friend), you didn't particularly click, but you sent her a few polite messages when you got home - probably feeling a bit of obligation to do so, as she gave up her time to show you around - to which she didn't reply.
Clearly, like you, she didn't feel a particular connection, and figured a friend of a friend from another country, who she'll never likely bump into again, wasn't worth the effort.

I don't think it's worth being upset about.

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 20/07/2025 09:55

I'm removing the person who complemented me from my social media messenger. She has not responded to my message and has

Been online e so it's too upsetting to see her and so I'm taking g it off. She has no intention of responding so that's that

OP posts:
NoWomanNoBuy · 20/07/2025 09:39

Oh god please stop.

You may not understand why things work this way, but the rest of us can understand why it's better to oil the wheels with friendliness/civility wherever possible.

Elevenor · 20/07/2025 09:36

PerkyOchrePeer · 20/07/2025 09:23

Being friendly to people you don't like is falsely

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Social interactions are complex and won't always fit your black and white thinking.

Sometimes we are forced into situations where we have to interact with people we wouldn't choose to in normal circumstances. In those situations, I tend to default to being friendly. It's not false because I am friendly by nature.

Again the key difference is being friendly versus being a friend.

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 20/07/2025 09:23

OpenThatWindow · 20/07/2025 09:00

I'm friendly to most people, even some people I don't like.

That's not being false, that's just a part of living in society.

I know it's confusing but it's a part of human social interaction.

Just because someone gives you compliments and is nice to you, doesn't mean they actually want to be friends with you.

In my experience, friendships naturally form themselves. I've never been 'blocked' or had reason to question a friendship; some ebb away, some become stronger, some friendships are closer, then less close, they're not static, solid things.

I hope you find what you're needing.

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Being friendly to people you don't like is falsely

OP posts:
OpenThatWindow · 20/07/2025 09:00

PerkyOchrePeer · 20/07/2025 08:20

I thought If someone put themselves out to pay compliments, then they must want you as a friend. Especially a compliment where they say, you are an extremely thoughtful person. And I really appreciate it

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I'm friendly to most people, even some people I don't like.

That's not being false, that's just a part of living in society.

I know it's confusing but it's a part of human social interaction.

Just because someone gives you compliments and is nice to you, doesn't mean they actually want to be friends with you.

In my experience, friendships naturally form themselves. I've never been 'blocked' or had reason to question a friendship; some ebb away, some become stronger, some friendships are closer, then less close, they're not static, solid things.

I hope you find what you're needing.

CaptainFuture · 20/07/2025 09:00

Elevenor · 20/07/2025 08:01

You seem to really struggle with understanding that some people may simply not want to be your friend. You may have lots in common and they may pay you all sorts of compliments, but they don't want to be your friend. It doesn't make them a bad person.

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This, it's almost like @PerkyOchrePeer you don't see people as individuals in their own right, just as a 'right, I think you would be a friend for me, so you will be'?..

Elevenor · 20/07/2025 08:29

PerkyOchrePeer · 20/07/2025 08:26

If I keep myself to myself in the future, I can't hope that a potential acquaintentiop will lead to a friendship. So I can't be disappointed because I'm not interacting with people and I think that's best because I can't cope with it anymore.

I'm not sure anyone has told you to keep yourself to yourself or to avoid interaction. It's really important to accept that not everyone will want to be your friend. Even if you like them a lot.

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 20/07/2025 08:26

If I keep myself to myself in the future, I can't hope that a potential acquaintentiop will lead to a friendship. So I can't be disappointed because I'm not interacting with people and I think that's best because I can't cope with it anymore.

OP posts:
Elevenor · 20/07/2025 08:24

PerkyOchrePeer · 20/07/2025 08:20

I thought If someone put themselves out to pay compliments, then they must want you as a friend. Especially a compliment where they say, you are an extremely thoughtful person. And I really appreciate it

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It doesn't necessarily mean they want to be your friend. Some people are really kind and complimentary to anyone they meet. I would try and learn to appreciate the kind words for what they are rather than looking for something deeper.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to make friends but it's equally ok for the other person to not be interested.

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 20/07/2025 08:20

Elevenor · 20/07/2025 08:01

You seem to really struggle with understanding that some people may simply not want to be your friend. You may have lots in common and they may pay you all sorts of compliments, but they don't want to be your friend. It doesn't make them a bad person.

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I thought If someone put themselves out to pay compliments, then they must want you as a friend. Especially a compliment where they say, you are an extremely thoughtful person. And I really appreciate it

OP posts:
BMW6 · 20/07/2025 08:13

Has anyone read Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman?

The OP sounds just like her. Have you read it OP?

Beyondburnout · 20/07/2025 08:08

If she fancies you and its not reciprocal I can see why she would cut contact.

WaitedBlankey · 20/07/2025 08:03

People don’t owe you friendship just because you sent them messages.

Elevenor · 20/07/2025 08:01

PerkyOchrePeer · 20/07/2025 07:45

In fact the person I wanted to be friends with I've known for a few years but we lost touch as she moved away. After a few years we net up again a d we discovered we had same interests and so I saw potential for friendship. I therefore sent a fb friends request which wasn't a opted so I just continued to message. A couple of my messages were answered but then my latest was not and she's been online several times. I've been nothing but kind and nice to her and did her a favour and her reaction to that was I am a very thoughtful person so I thought if she thought that of me wr could be good friends

You seem to really struggle with understanding that some people may simply not want to be your friend. You may have lots in common and they may pay you all sorts of compliments, but they don't want to be your friend. It doesn't make them a bad person.

OpenThatWindow · 20/07/2025 07:59

If someone doesn't want to be friends with you, it doesn't make them a bad person. It doesn't matter what things you've done, you can't bribe people to like you.

In fact, a pattern of people who don't want to be friends with you and block you points to there being something amiss with how you are with them.

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 20/07/2025 07:45

In fact the person I wanted to be friends with I've known for a few years but we lost touch as she moved away. After a few years we net up again a d we discovered we had same interests and so I saw potential for friendship. I therefore sent a fb friends request which wasn't a opted so I just continued to message. A couple of my messages were answered but then my latest was not and she's been online several times. I've been nothing but kind and nice to her and did her a favour and her reaction to that was I am a very thoughtful person so I thought if she thought that of me wr could be good friends

OP posts:
OpenThatWindow · 20/07/2025 07:39

Aren't you the same poster who had another friend recently block you?

You have issues.

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 20/07/2025 07:33

OpenThatWindow · 20/07/2025 07:28

I'm confused, why did you think it had friendship potential?

You had little in common and didn't like each other.

She was being nice. Some people are just very nice - she clearly was a lovely person as she gave compliments, and kindly showed you around her town.

You probably acted intensely and were rude and that's why she is not replying to you now.

You need to be a less intense, kinder person if you want to have friends.

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You are getting confused. The person I said I thought had potential to become a friend is not the same person that I originally mention in this thread who was bereaved. The person I thought I could become friends with I have more in common with

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