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AIBU?

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Original poster

Crap friend

343 replies

PerkyOchrePeer · 07/07/2025 22:43

I went on holiday last year and met up with a friend of a friend. I didnt really know her but was grateful that she offered to show me around. We didnt have much in common but rubed along ok. I thought she was a bit full on with her behaviour and wondered if she was gay. After the holiday, we went our seperate ways and i sent her the odd fìendly wassap message to which she replied to but in a cold polite but not that friend manner. The last couple of messages she totally ignored so i have now deleted her from my phone and wont be messaging her again.

I was annoyed at first because i have made an effort to remain on friendlý terms

OP posts:
OpenThatWindow · 23/07/2025 20:10

PerkyOchrePeer · 23/07/2025 17:05

Ok clever clogs what's your definition of a friend

Edited
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No wonder you find it hard making friends, being so rude.

Lots of people here have tried to help, but you're not listening to anyone.

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 23/07/2025 17:19

Swiftie1878 · 23/07/2025 17:09

Someone you have a mutual bond of affection with.
Politeness isn’t affection.

Show quote history

And I do have a mutual bond of affecting with someone I call a friend. If you don't believe me that is your lookout

OP posts:
CleanShirt · 23/07/2025 17:16

OP is like a bloke you politely smile at in a bar who then follows you around all night trying to buy you drinks.

Swiftie1878 · 23/07/2025 17:09

PerkyOchrePeer · 23/07/2025 17:05

Ok clever clogs what's your definition of a friend

Edited
Show quote history

Someone you have a mutual bond of affection with.
Politeness isn’t affection.

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 23/07/2025 17:05

Swiftie1878 · 23/07/2025 16:56

Everything you now think a friend would do can also be done by just an acquaintance or even someone just being polite.
You need help with your social skills and emotional intelligence. Please find a therapist.

Show quote history

Ok clever clogs what's your definition of a friend

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 23/07/2025 16:56

PerkyOchrePeer · 23/07/2025 16:53

I realise she is not my friend and that was why I said I now understand but people on here say I still do not understand which I find bizarre. I understand now the actions of a friend and the actions of a non friend but I'm still told I'm wrong so I thi k we will agree to disagree on this and leave it at that.

Show quote history

Everything you now think a friend would do can also be done by just an acquaintance or even someone just being polite.
You need help with your social skills and emotional intelligence. Please find a therapist.

sonjadog · 23/07/2025 16:54

I am afraid you don't understand it now. That isn't the signpost between a friend and an acquaintance. That is just different communication styles and manners.

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 23/07/2025 16:53

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 23/07/2025 16:20

@WaitedBlankey is right though.
You think you now have a box that you can put various different "actions" or "behaviours" into to decide if someone is a friend or not... that's not how it works, so you don't understand. It sounds like understanding friendship is to subtle for you.

The woman in Australia was friendly and accommodating, she's not your friend.

Show quote history

I realise she is not my friend and that was why I said I now understand but people on here say I still do not understand which I find bizarre. I understand now the actions of a friend and the actions of a non friend but I'm still told I'm wrong so I thi k we will agree to disagree on this and leave it at that.

OP posts:
CalicoPusscat · 23/07/2025 16:46

RiverGod · 23/07/2025 09:36

Jebus, Mary and the three goats!

Are you still wombling on?

I want a laugh emoji back as well 😆

OP you really will get on better if you learn to manage expectations around friendships

Fivetimesfive · 23/07/2025 16:28

@PerkyOchrePeer Would you consider speaking to a therapist? Therapy might help you understand other people's views and feelings and behaviour to a greater degree and help you feel less disappointed with everyone. Your expectations are unrealistic and likely too intense and annoying for a lot of the people you're interacting with.

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 23/07/2025 16:20

PerkyOchrePeer · 23/07/2025 16:10

How dare you

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@WaitedBlankey is right though.
You think you now have a box that you can put various different "actions" or "behaviours" into to decide if someone is a friend or not... that's not how it works, so you don't understand. It sounds like understanding friendship is to subtle for you.

The woman in Australia was friendly and accommodating, she's not your friend.

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 23/07/2025 16:10

WaitedBlankey · 23/07/2025 16:03

That's the difference between a friend and an acquaintance. I understand it now

No, that's the difference between different styles and standards of manners. You clearly don't "understand better now."

How dare you

OP posts:
FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 23/07/2025 16:08

RiverGod · 23/07/2025 09:36

Jebus, Mary and the three goats!

Are you still wombling on?

I need the 😃 emoji back!!!
Just to shown appreciation for the three 🐐 🐐 🐐

WaitedBlankey · 23/07/2025 16:03

That's the difference between a friend and an acquaintance. I understand it now

No, that's the difference between different styles and standards of manners. You clearly don't "understand better now."

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 23/07/2025 09:39

Yes only to tell people I understand better now

OP posts:
RiverGod · 23/07/2025 09:36

Jebus, Mary and the three goats!

Are you still wombling on?

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 23/07/2025 07:29

I've finally come to the decision that this person is not my friend. I know how a friend behaves because I have a friend who asks how I am and is more chatty about their life instead of just answering direct questions.. I was kidding myself and this person is just a polite acquaintance. It doesn't help that she is in Australia so we cannot meet to bond better. For instance a friend of mine went on holiday. I said have a lovely time. She replied thank you very much. This australian woman we t on holiday. I said have a nice tine. No thank you or anything. That's the difference between a friend and an acquaintance. I understand it now

OP posts:
FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 21/07/2025 13:00

This is one of the most batshit 🦇 💩 threads I've seen on MN, but I read it all this morning out of sheer fascination!
😵‍💫😵‍💫

AuntyHistamine · 21/07/2025 12:04

PerkyOchrePeer · 21/07/2025 10:02

If someone messages out of politeness and they give the person they message a false sense of security, and I don't agree with that.

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You have unreasonable expectations. You shouldn’t be looking for security in other people. Find it in yourself.

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 21/07/2025 11:59

Let's agrè to disagree. I dated someone I didn't like very much but he really liked me. In the end I called it a day as j felt I was deceiving him he told me he loved me a d was very angry when we split. He said I used him

OP posts:
WaitedBlankey · 21/07/2025 11:52

PerkyOchrePeer · 21/07/2025 10:02

If someone messages out of politeness and they give the person they message a false sense of security, and I don't agree with that.

Show quote history

It’s irrelevant whether you agree with it or not. It happens. It’s very common. It’s how people are polite to one another.

By getting cross and upset about what is considered normal polite behaviour, OP, who do you think is affected? Just you. You remain confused or angry or isolated and the world carries on regardless.

You are choosing to view interactions in a way that is out of step with others around you. We call it friendliness and politeness, you say false and hurtful.

If you accept that is the way many interactions actually work you will save yourself a great deal of stress and frustration.

CaptainFuture · 21/07/2025 11:30

PerkyOchrePeer · 21/07/2025 10:17

it's important to be mindful of the other person's feelings and avoid sending mixed signals if you don't intend to pursue a friendship.

Found this online

But you're not being mindful of others are you? What 'security' are you expecting from friends?

WhatNoRaisins · 21/07/2025 10:43

Agree, OP you are in the minority with this. It's possible that you might meet people that also think like you do but this approach will get you nowhere with most people.

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 21/07/2025 10:17

it's important to be mindful of the other person's feelings and avoid sending mixed signals if you don't intend to pursue a friendship.

Found this online

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 21/07/2025 10:12

PerkyOchrePeer · 21/07/2025 10:02

If someone messages out of politeness and they give the person they message a false sense of security, and I don't agree with that.

Show quote history

You may not agree with it, but that is how society ticks over.
Stop expecting everyone to behave like you, when actually you are the unusual one.