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AIBU?

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Original poster

Crap friend

343 replies

PerkyOchrePeer · 07/07/2025 22:43

I went on holiday last year and met up with a friend of a friend. I didnt really know her but was grateful that she offered to show me around. We didnt have much in common but rubed along ok. I thought she was a bit full on with her behaviour and wondered if she was gay. After the holiday, we went our seperate ways and i sent her the odd fìendly wassap message to which she replied to but in a cold polite but not that friend manner. The last couple of messages she totally ignored so i have now deleted her from my phone and wont be messaging her again.

I was annoyed at first because i have made an effort to remain on friendlý terms

OP posts:
RiverGod · 24/07/2025 09:56

PerkyOchrePeer · 24/07/2025 09:44

I don't feel I Ve been helped in any way on here. I've been given the wrong advice and told I'm lonely when I'm not.

And yet you come back with another response?

Is it because like a child any attention is better than none?

I’m trying to be kind here but really you need a good shake and to understand that you’re the issue. It’s not uncommon, we all can be the ones to author our own misery but in your case, there’s no need to write a series.

WhatNoRaisins · 24/07/2025 09:54

I think sometimes you need help that goes beyond what untrained strangers over the internet can give.

Wellwater · 24/07/2025 09:53

PerkyOchrePeer · 24/07/2025 09:42

The whole point of mumsnet is that it is an advice platform and if everyone in your opinion should go to a professional then mhmsnet should be closed down

There you go again. You’ve decided Mn is primarily an ‘advice platform’. Fair enough. But that doesn’t in any way mean that the advice won’t ever be ‘You need to see a professional.’ And if you came on here looking for advice, why not take it?

Idontjetwashthefucker · 24/07/2025 09:52

PerkyOchrePeer · 24/07/2025 09:42

The whole point of mumsnet is that it is an advice platform and if everyone in your opinion should go to a professional then mhmsnet should be closed down

But you're not listening or taking in anything that is being said, I feel like banging my head against a brick wall when I read your posts...I suspect I'm not alone

RiverGod · 24/07/2025 09:52

OP, we can’t all be wrong. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want it and you clearly don’t. That’s fine, but it doesn’t make us wrong.

Every post you’ve made screams lonely and desperate and sadly you’re the only one who can’t see it.

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 24/07/2025 09:44

I don't feel I Ve been helped in any way on here. I've been given the wrong advice and told I'm lonely when I'm not.

OP posts:
Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 24/07/2025 09:42

The whole point of mumsnet is that it is an advice platform and if everyone in your opinion should go to a professional then mhmsnet should be closed down

OP posts:
RiverGod · 24/07/2025 09:10

Yes. Preferably professionals, with letters after their names. It’s exactly what I would say to a friend because I’d want a friend to be happy and mentally healthy.

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 24/07/2025 09:01

I am not lonely. How many more times do I have to say this. Stop making assumptions about me. Lots of people ask for advice on here. Would you tell them yo ask people irl

OP posts:
RiverGod · 24/07/2025 08:56

PerkyOchrePeer · 24/07/2025 08:49

People should not If Introduce You ask the friend if you are not

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Just so I’m clear….she shouldn’t have introduced you to people? As a friend?

She should have waited until an actual ‘friend’ came along to do the honours?

She may have been waiting a long time…

Wellwater · 24/07/2025 08:55

RiverGod · 24/07/2025 08:38

You do realise if you didn’t post every mad detail of your thought process on here people wouldn’t make assumptions. Posters have given you reassurance, support and sound advice.

In all honesty, you sound desperate, lonely and unable to form healthy attachments. If you could you’d be talking to a real life friend and you’re not. You’re here, ‘updating’ everyone on your non existent issue.

Get a hobby, go to therapy, talk to people and start learning some lessons.

I think that’s fair. OP, don’t you think that if multiple strangers, who are well-meaning enough to respond at length to an internet post by you asking for insights, are telling you there’s something very disordered about your thinking, that you might contemplate considering whether that’s true?

And yes, as I think I said up the thread, and other posters have said, you struggle with theory of mind.

Other people are not you. They will respond differently to situations, express themselves differently etc. Because it was simpler to introduce you as a friend from the UK, it didn’t mean she considered you a friend — you’d only just met, and live on opposite sides of the world! Someone not saying ‘thank you’ in response to a text wishing them a good holiday does not make that person an acquaintance rather than a friend.

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 24/07/2025 08:49

PerkyOchrePeer · 24/07/2025 08:45

You are confused. I know two women in Australia. One is the friend of a fiend and the other is mot. I was talking about the other not the friend of a friend and ot was the other who said to people I was her friend

Show quote history

People should not If Introduce You ask the friend if you are not

OP posts:
Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 24/07/2025 08:45

tilypu · 24/07/2025 08:05

Of course she said your address fee friend from the UK. It's she supposed to go into details - 'this is a friend of a friend from the UK, who I said I would show signs but, you know, she's not actually my friend'. What do you think she should have said?

You are confused. I know two women in Australia. One is the friend of a fiend and the other is mot. I was talking about the other not the friend of a friend and ot was the other who said to people I was her friend

OP posts:
RiverGod · 24/07/2025 08:38

You do realise if you didn’t post every mad detail of your thought process on here people wouldn’t make assumptions. Posters have given you reassurance, support and sound advice.

In all honesty, you sound desperate, lonely and unable to form healthy attachments. If you could you’d be talking to a real life friend and you’re not. You’re here, ‘updating’ everyone on your non existent issue.

Get a hobby, go to therapy, talk to people and start learning some lessons.

tilypu · 24/07/2025 08:05

Of course she said your address fee friend from the UK. It's she supposed to go into details - 'this is a friend of a friend from the UK, who I said I would show signs but, you know, she's not actually my friend'. What do you think she should have said?

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 24/07/2025 08:03

Tweedledumtweedle · 24/07/2025 06:49

Op, there are huge swathes of things you don’t understand. Lots of people have tried to explain this to you but you refuse to take it on board. I presume you have a lot of friendship difficulties and often feel lonely. You struggle with theory of mind, this seems to be the root of it

I am NOT lonely. You should not make assumptions like that. I may not like the way certain friendships are going. But that doesn't mean I am lonely

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 24/07/2025 07:10

PerkyOchrePeer · 24/07/2025 05:35

And It's not helpful having people on here criticizing me and having a go and thinking I have a learning disability which I certainly do not have

Edited
Show quote history

I don't think that people are criticising, it's just that they've noticed something is off in how you are relating to other people. You're obviously asking about friendship because you're not happy with how things are going in this area.

Tweedledumtweedle · 24/07/2025 06:49

Op, there are huge swathes of things you don’t understand. Lots of people have tried to explain this to you but you refuse to take it on board. I presume you have a lot of friendship difficulties and often feel lonely. You struggle with theory of mind, this seems to be the root of it

CalicoPusscat · 24/07/2025 05:50

I think people are just reflecting back how it comes across.

Not sure what your preferred mode of interaction is but your work might have a free, confidential counselling service where you can go through expectations, boundaries and disappointment.

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 24/07/2025 05:35

CalicoPusscat · 24/07/2025 05:31

@PerkyOchrePeer it's not helping you ruminating and obsessing about this on here.

Edited

And It's not helpful having people on here criticizing me and having a go and thinking I have a learning disability which I certainly do not have

OP posts:
CalicoPusscat · 24/07/2025 05:31

@PerkyOchrePeer it's not helping you ruminating and obsessing about this on here.

TealSqueal · 24/07/2025 05:17

Do you have a learning disability?

Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 24/07/2025 04:13

I know who I like and don't like. I like respectful people who I have things in common with. I keep away from those who are rude or I have nothing in common with. I had a very long standing friend of 40 years. I don't speak to her anymore because the friendship changed. She became very critical of me telling me I should look a certain way and that I should spend money getting my teeth whitened and my dresses were too short and I had fat legs. I said I'm slim and she said but your legs are not thin so you cannot wear skirts that show your legs and you haven't got the legs for shorts. I thought that was so rude so I ended things. I said nobody else has spoken to me like this and she said but I am. I said see that woman over there she has very fat legs and she said yes but your legs are not thin so only wear long skirts

OP posts:
Original poster
PerkyOchrePeer · 24/07/2025 03:54

When I was in Australia and with the person people om here are so quick to tell me she is not a friend, when we went somewhere with people she knew she introduced me to them as her friend from the UK. I think australians have a different view of friendship and call everyone a friend even if we would perceive it as an aquaintanceship. It's like I was talking to another Australian woman about a frie d of mine and she said is she your girlfriend. I said no I'm not gay and she said I wasn't implying you are, but in Australia if a woman has a female friend they are called a girlfriend and that's just a cultural term and doesn't mean you are gay

OP posts:
WaitedBlankey · 23/07/2025 22:36

PerkyOchrePeer · 23/07/2025 16:10

How dare you

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That's an excellent example.

People can and do have different social styles. I have friends who have impeccable and formal manners, and friends who are casual to the point of brusqueness. That is not a part of being a mate.