Stepson hit me & DH is in Australia

Report to police and request they escort him to his mum's.
Then call DH and explain what's happened.

I think this reaction would hurt me more than being assaulted in my own home. "Try" is not good enough really

Yes, that was my point too. The husband really didn't even seem all that bothered, let alone 'devastated'. His reaction was pissweak, insulting to the OP even, and he'll be like a limp lettuce when he talks to the boy.

Agree.
Your DH trying to talk sense into him has been a failure. It’s not going to work now. Rethink your relationship because your dh is minimising the violence you have experienced and daily as well as trashing the place is also a form of violence against you. Get legal advice as well.

DH says he’ll try and talk some sense into him

I think this reaction would hurt me more than being assaulted in my own home. "Try" is not good enough really and your DH should never have left you in charge of his erratic DS while he was gone for a full month.

I know you don't want to contact the police OP but you really need to. Firstly, as this is not acceptable behaviour and you should never be fearful in your own home. Secondly, what happens when DSS tries slapping around someone who isn't a family member? For the safety of other people you need to report this.

Your SS slapped you across the face, is a clear message that if you try to enforce any rules to him in your own home, that it will escalate next time. He will continue to do as he wants, when he wants as he knows your DH won’t kick him out. You are the target, the punch bag for your SS to punish when his dad disappoints and displeases him, you are in danger!

You sound like you're trying to minimise it, make excuses for him "he's just a kid, he's immature". Big mistake. He assaulted you and clearly has no respect for you. You should be phoning the Police he needs to face up to the consequences of his actions.

I haven't read the full thread, but to me a 17 year old lad is NEARLY A GROWN MAN.
HE HAD NO RIGHT TO SLAP YOU.
Do NOT let this little slappy shit back into your house.

I would be tempted to lash his stuff into a bin bag, and get someonto you trust to drop it off onto his mums doorstep. That way he had no excuse to try and call into yours for his stuff.

Dh needs to come home.

DSS can't stay with youy any longer and DH is right to be furious, but ultimately, he needs to prioritise his son IMO.

I don't think doing the "right" thing is at all clear cut here.

Think carefully about what you want. You could call social services and ask if they can help. Perhaps they could find a foster family for him. Would you let him back in under any circumstances or are you totally done? Can he live with his sister, is she older and willing to tolerate him?

He has presumably sat his GSCEs now. What was the plan going to be moving forward?

Agree with you.

Cannot stand this “have we all stopped to consider that the real victim in this is your poor little DSS who’s probably experienced a hard childhood, has had to endure his Daddy going to Australia for a whole month and is no doubt struggling with his own sexuality? That slap was communication, OP, he’s telling you he needs your help. Please remember that his brain is still developing and won’t be formed until age 25. Has he ever shown traits of autism or ADHD?”

Get it so, so far to fuck. Little runt should’ve been in a cell last night.

You poor thing, I'm glad your DH has responded appropriately. I wouldn't want or allow him back, but I know it's not as simple as that.

That lad would not step foot in my house again, Ever. Absolutely disgusting behaviour. And it's not only the slap is it? He generally treats you like shit in your own home. No respect whatsoever. Fuck that .

And he will do this sgain to you and others because there are no consequences.

For goodness sake pack his stuff up and leave it outside.

Do not allow him back in.
At 17 he is old enough to know about consequences.

Whilst I understand that you don't want to call the police - you really should. Even if they do nothing other than interview him, it tells him that you are not prepared to put up with his behaviour. He could be thinking right now that he's got away with it.
What happens next time when you say something he doesn't like when you're home alone with him?
I'd be having the locks changed, and telling DH that DSS will not be living in your house again. If he doesn't support you with this then unfortunately I'd be reconsidering my marriage. Someone up thread said you will never feel safe in your home again if DSS is there and DH is at work, I think this is very true

OP is not responsible for this pseudo child.

Who gives a fuck what he has been subjected to.

The OP should NOT be subjected to physical assault in her own home by a piece of shit person like that "child".

She owes that cunt NOTHING except a boot up the ass and kicked out to the kerb. You can adopt him if you feel so strongly and woke about him.

I think to be safe the locks should be changed and to send him a clear message. He could have a spare or get his hands on one to copy. Teens are unpredictable and irrational and he will be angry and want his stuff. He lost the right to free access when he hit OP

Except that she mentioned that he might get a key from his sibling.

I know what you're talking about. First step is still to see whether or not he will engage, via op's dh. We don't know yet, because it doesn't seem like that route has yet been explored.

He has a lot of emotional damage from the relationship with his own DM and is taking that out on you. This is completely unacceptable and is not your problem to solve.

You need to change the locks.

Your DH first steps need to be to tell him he is very lucky the police have not been called and that he cannot return to thr house. Then he needs to explain to work he needs to get on a flight home.

Aren't you charming. He's a child and I have suggested robust action, possibly at the expense of the op's relationship. The child has been subjected to all sorts of abuses throughout his life. I am not excusing his conduct, rather suggesting interventions to turn him round, and his life round, whilst keeping others safe.

People aren't reading what the OP has said.

She doesn't need to change the locks as he hasn't taken keys with him.

She has spoken to her husband

Im not talking about engaging with the OP Im talking about engaging with services. He has to consent to that, even the dad cant make a referral for his son without the son's involvement and engagement

And so what if he does consent, waiting lists will be months long and you dont get 'fixed' by these things, even in the longer term.

The actions for now are call the police, change the locks, ensure that he doesnt return. You dont need to wring hands and mither on about 'root causes' to take safety actions.

Can you get social services involved OP?

Its not fair on you to live with an angry man,

Yes at 17, he is nearly a man and you admit he has always been misognist.

If you won’t call the police, at the very least change the locks OP. Sure they can maintain their relationship but DO NOT have this young man in your home ever again without DP present. He therefore needs to move out as it’s not feasible for your DP to be there 24/7. Don’t be a statistic we read about when he’s seriously assaulted you or worse one day.

He won't engage with op, but he may well do with op's dh if what she's said is anything to go by. Op won't call the police, so people are rightly giving her options she can work with instead. Calling the police doesn't appear to work for her.