Stepson hit me & DH is in Australia

Now he's done it once, don't think for a second he won't do it again.

You must call the police. The little cunt needs arresting.

Errrrr call the police!!!!

I'm also worried he'll hurt his sister. The DSS seems to hate women and thinks he can dominate them. I'd bet my house DSS doesn't throw punches at men larger than he is.

Feel like a total failure tbh. DS mostly listens to DH. With me it’s like I’m invisible or the enemy. He constantly makes digs, says horrible misogynistic crap like I’m just trying to control him or I’m jealous of his freedom or some rubbish. Won’t take no from me but if DH says it, it’s gospel.

You have absolutely NOT failed. Misogyny is the hatred of women, and your step son has this in spades. None of that is of your making nor your fault. Your DH may be able to control him but only because he is a man. Why hasn't your DH made the gospel of 'respect women/my DW'? That is the question you should be asking.

Your DH should have never left him with you in the first place. Who would have ‘looked after’ his son if you weren’t on the scene, or if you’d refused?
Your DH needs to take a look at his life if it means clearing off to Australia for a month and leaving his vulnerable child.

Well quite. What he did do was abandon a son in crisis. You can surely see why the boyniabstruggligh cope when the people who are supposed to be looking out for him behave like that.

I'm sure DH can justify it but he left his son when he needed him most.

Def dont let him in.

Tell your DH.

He's crossed a line that can't be uncrossed

Sending you a hug xxx

He didn't leave him with his mother and go off to the other side of the world

Maybe not, but a father who leaves his son in the care of a drug addict mother while he's on the other side of the world is a special kind of neglect. It's hardly surprising the boy can't regulate himself and is full of anger.

No one "has" to go to Australia in business, that's entirely a result of choices he's made that haven't considered his son, at all.

I don’t think the mother being a drug addict is quite the same as the father going on a work trip. Bearing in mind this child is 17.

His mother hasn't been a good parent but the father spending a month at a time in Australia....

Yes, but he would have known that when he accepted the job, presumably in the knowledge that your mother was providing a stable homelife. OP's DH wasn't in that position.

This is domestic abuse.
I would ring the National Domestic Abuse Helpline for advice on how to deal with the situation.
I would also be telling the stepson to pack his bags and find somewhere else to live. You have put up with enough and a line has now been crossed.
Actions have consequences and the lack of respect is untenable.

Maybe someone like my late DF, whose employment contract specified that overseas travel, when required, was an essential part of the job.

He was once told on a Friday afternoon that he had to go to Venezuela on Monday morning.

You mustn't have him back to live with you, OP, even when your DH is back. He has crossed a line, and you should be able to feel safe in your own home.

Yes, doesn't sound like his mother has been a decent parent, sadly, shame on her. Yes, it will now be tricky for him to find somewhere to live, and a headache for your DH. Yes, he's young.

But still, you opened up your home to him with good will towards this boy, and he's literally thrown it back in your face. So it's tough but hopefully he will learn a lesson from this and turn himself around.

So, so awful. I hope you are OK, OP.

Good that you are safe and he has no keys - lock up properly in case he tries to come back. If DH cannot fly home then you need to know you are safe in the house.

Does your DH think that his DS can carry on living with you?

I’m so sorry. I hope this individual has had all the rotten luck in the world. I hope things got better for you x

If he has only been like this since DH was away the situation seems to have escalated relatively quickly before reaching violence.

How did your DH “try” to get out of this trip? Was he told he would lose his job if he didn’t go? Regardless, he never should never have put you in this situation.

Probably the shock but think I would’ve phoned the police and DH straight away OP.

It's been more than 20 years and I'm still kicking myself for failing to act. To make matters even more galling, I realised years later that I'd been painted as a homophobe.

The police were called in and took statements, but I'd not given the info about the miscarriage. (I hadn't even been sure that I was pregnant until I lost it - the test result had been very faint and I was waiting a week before re-testing.) One of my male colleagues contacted the police to ask why we hadn't heard anything (after several of us had made statements, including the two men who were punched after coming to my aid) and was told that the paperwork had been 'lost'.

I suspect that the police didn't want the hassle and thought that it was sufficient that the boy had been passed to SACRO (a charity).

Footnote

I later found out why one of my colleagues - the school truant officer - had been able to stop the boy after the other two men had failed.

The day he retired, the truant officer (ex-police) told me that he'd said "Try that with me and your through that effing wall."

I’m so sorry @WearyAuldWumman that is completely horrific.

The fact you were assaulted, the fact you miscarried and the fact you didn’t report it because somewhere along the line you’d presumably learnt to prioritise males - even to your own detriment.

I used to work with teens including young offenders and thankfully no violence happened but I was always very clear that any violence would result in resigning and a call to the police.

You'd be a fool to have him back in the house while your DH is away; he'll have gotten away with it and view it as the 'first' time.

If you're not willing to call the police (which you should), then he's out until your DH comes back and strict rules and living standards are agreed before he can come back. Failure to follow them means he's out permanently.

You both need to have a united front on this. Counselling a requirement might also be a good thing

As he is 17 he is technically still a child so Children's Services of your local council will have a duty to provide accommodation if he is homeless. So if you don't want to go the police route there is another option.

They might try to get you to take him back so be prepared to stand firm but I think you are well within your rights if he has hit you.

You're right.

When I was punched at work, I didn't inform the police that I miscarried the next day. I had the misguided notion that I'd cause the boy irrevocable guilt and psychological harm. Years later, as a grown man he was boasting about the assault.

The only person who's protected when you fail to insist on action being taken is the perpetrator and then you're leaving him free to harm someone else.

Please phone the police. At 17, he will probably only get a youth caution if that, but being taken down to a police station may make him realise how unacceptable this is.

Great news he left his keys. Don't let him back into the house until your DH is back in the house at the very earliest. If he can't stay with his mother or a friend, he can go to the council. They have a statutory duty of care whilst he is under 18.

We have had challenging issues with now 17-year old. We have now had social services involved after going through MASH. The social worker at MASH said I shouldn't have protected him e.g. taking to private counselling to keep cannabis use off NHS records etc. And certainly should have phoned the police when he brought cannabis into the house and smacked his younger sibling. They said our way had clearly not worked. I will certainly be phoning the police if he kicks off again.

There is no way he can come back to live with you. He's crossed a line. It's assault and he's lucky you didn't ring the police. I hope your DH agrees he can't live with you again.